Judgements

[meridannight]

[MENTION=21084]Virge[/MENTION], i did mean personal moral code/ethics, not some artificial set of morals the society thinks everyone should abide by universally (such a thing doesn't exist in reality). if East finds this conduct he described disagreeable, that does fall under his personal moral code. that was my point.

[ShiftyNJ]

To me, based on what you said, the rich dude sees the people around him, even his own family, as possessions, mere objects to be used and discarded. He had to mess with his son's dude to prove to himself that he could, that his privilege extended that far. I don't think you were the slightest built "judgmental" to feel as you do about him.

There's a difference between judgment and discernment. As I get older I realize that people, and things, and actions, are each a unique set of positives and negatives. Some people are fairly neutral, others skew more one way or the other. A person like that, I would not want in my life, or for anybody to think of us in the same sentence. To me that is discerning what is healthy for me and how I see myself. It has very little to do with what society says is "proper" ... on paper they are two adults who can do what they want (unlike the scenario [MENTION=13210]Beaux[/MENTION] shared) but the idea that this is okay assumes they have not promised different behavior to anybody else. But I agree with you on one thing: just should be able to assume your family members, and your close friends, will not betray your trust that way, either by forcing themselves on you before you're old enough to understand what that means, or by going after a partner behind your back.

[TwisttheLeaf]

I hate to say it, but I am judgmental. I try my best not to be, but sometimes... there's just no way around it.

Gideon calls it my "moral compass" that I have this -need- for things to be "fair" and balanced and... "right". (I'd say that about 98% of the time, this has to do with ethics and behavior, and has nothing to do with what kinks people enjoy, etc.) And I don't have a problem calling people on things when they trip my triggers and screw with that compass. Sometimes, I don't. Sometimes, discretion is important. But the fact is that even in those instances, in my head I am... disappointed in them, or humanity. Pained, sometimes, in what I see as something polluted or damaged by the "wrongness" of the actions or situations that caused my triggers to trip.

Both of your examples trip my triggers. Especially the son. There should be a basic, integral trust there that goes so far beyond friendship or even love.

[Rareboy]

I bear no judgements about what activities two people get up to in the bedroom, but obviously, cheating is one of the things that bothers me a lot.

On the other hand.....as marriages break down and people turn to others for emotional support...I have seen a lot of people step outside their marriage and find love where they may not have expected it, including in the partners of their other friends...or even 100 times worse....family members. I didn't know on two occasions that the person I was fucking was actually married until after and while I thanked them for the fun, told them there could be no repeat.....I couldn't ever be 'the other person'.

There also has to be complete consent. If I ever get the sense that one of the adults in a relationship is being coerced into some activity...I have real issues with that. It is what creates such a dilemma for me when it comes to sado-masochistic relationships. there is always a part of me that is uncomfortable with the motivation of the person wanting to be hurt.....

....complicated.

[trywait]

bueax: that sh!t is whack!

east: it's not my place to pass judgment either, but if they're consenting adults, to each their own. once you're of legal age, you should know better. as long as YOU wouldn't make the same decisions as those people you described, I think you're okay. personally, even I wouldn't mimic those people's actions. certain people are off limits! that includes you child's bf/gf and you bff's significant other. sheesh, are you that much of a horn dog you cant find someone other tail to chase? auwe.

k, rant over

[Virge]

[MENTION=21084]Virge[/MENTION], i did mean personal moral code/ethics, not some artificial set of morals the society thinks everyone should abide by universally (such a thing doesn't exist in reality). if East finds this conduct he described disagreeable, that does fall under his personal moral code. that was my point.

Good! hahahaha! I have a cringy feeling anytime i hear the word morality being used because the fundamentalist christians can't speak 5 sentences without mentioning it twice.

That's why I stick to the word ethics instead.

[meridannight]

Good! hahahaha! I have a cringy feeling anytime i hear the word morality being used because the fundamentalist christians can't speak 5 sentences without mentioning it twice.

That's why I stick to the word ethics instead.

i hear you. every time i mention the word i feel like i'm compromising or undermining myself somehow just by spelling it out. 'ethical' is a better choice. i also prefer 'personal right and wrong' to 'personal moral code'. but i'm not that queasy overall.

but i agree with you, 'moral' is a word with a negative connotation in my mind too, rather than anything positive at all. it definitely triggers some gag reflex for me.

[Virge]

i hear you. every time i mention the word i feel like i'm compromising or undermining myself somehow just by spelling it out. 'ethical' is a better choice. i also prefer 'personal right and wrong' to 'personal moral code'. but i'm not that queasy overall.

but i agree with you, 'moral' is a word with a negative connotation in my mind too, rather than anything positive at all. it definitely triggers some gag reflex for me.

Also by using the word "ethics" when in discussions with christians I pronounce it like I own the word and sneer the word "morals" like I'm ready to spit. In fact the ethics / morals issue is the debate I always win the fastest and embarrass the crap out of them with the most. They don't come at me but once with that bag of lame crap.

[ShiftyNJ]

bueax: that sh!t is whack!

east: it's not my place to pass judgment either, but if they're consenting adults, to each their own. once you're of legal age, you should know better. as long as YOU wouldn't make the same decisions as those people you described, I think you're okay. personally, even I wouldn't mimic those people's actions. certain people are off limits! that includes you child's bf/gf and you bff's significant other. sheesh, are you that much of a horn dog you cant find someone other tail to chase? auwe.

k, rant over

I still don't even think it was about getting off. Based on the description, it was a power play.

[East]

I still don't even think it was about getting off. Based on the description, it was a power play.

Yeah...he was definitely a power and control freak. He was so bad that his normal demeanor was the perfect over the top caricature..and when he ramped it up a notch it was insane..