A strange desire/ addiction to an older man

[Sparrowhawk]

Hello dear guys.

I have posted my first topic last summer regarding the penile activity. Many of you responded and gave me directions where to start from. And I work hard on it. Well, things happen slowly, but I am in the right direction. Thank you for all.

Now, I need your attention once again. And advice. I have nobody to speak with about it. I moved to study on a new place four months ago and feel very lonely. I feel an alien here. Small town, high- brow classmates, new way of life... Doesn't matter, this is not the main issue.

I have a strange desire/ affection/ addiction to a much older man from my past. He is 54 and looks great, really great. Imagine, ripped smooth body, a real athlete with a few signs of his age- grey elements in his hair. Anyway. The personality is a great one. He is an artist, he has a life rich of experience, a very interesting person. I feel strangely attracted to him and I don't know why. That's the problem,

I check his posts on facebook, few times everyday. I read regularly our message thread from the past. I always think how great our mettings were. He is a great and passionate lover. His words and time spent together made me feel great, liked and desired.

But he doesn't pay me attention, or at least, not as much as I think he should. Strangely enough, his words are not matching with his actions. If I was as nice and great as he is always saying to me why then, I am the person who stays in touch with him, who keeps this "friendship" alive. Well, three months ago when I moved to study at the uni I developed a deep depression (not because of him). Many of my friends spoke to me, including him and thanks to their help I improved significantly afterwards. He also didn't miss my birthday and sent me a lovely message. But normally, I feel I am the person who is taking action about our "stay in touch". I feel like being an unimportant person to him, just another number who passed through his naked body. And the thought rof this eally scares me. As if I see I am just another piece of flesh for him, but I don't want accept the truth. Not a while ago I watched the movie "The Phantom of the Opera". Because of my experience with this mature man I saw myself in the Phantom. Yes, I am not a mad genius like him, who would kill and crack chandelliers for the subject of his life but... I find a strange similarity with this character and I am scared.

I don't have such an obsession with other guys. I do my best at school. Though my grades are not very high at the moment, I mark an improvement at the uni. I train judo twice a week in the uni club. My housemates are the best ones, I feel them like my family. I have friends in different European countries. I have hobbies etc. But I have a deep personality and experience many things too personally.

So, dear friends, help me. How could I overcome this? What would help me? How could I frighten away the ghost of this man. How to remove the Phantom of the Opera off my mind?

Thank you in advance.

Sparrowhawk.

[Borg69]

Sometimes it isn't necessarily the guy specifically that we're attracted to, but what he represents. It sounds like he has a lot of really great qualities that would be great to have in any guy. Unfortunately he's currently the only guy you know with these qualities. If he's not interested in something more exclusive, go find someone like him whom is.

... Or... you're not being open and aggressive enough for him to know you are interested in more with him and just expecting him to read your mind and make the first move.

[Camfer]

You uni will have free counseling service. Take advantage of it and don't hold back when meeting with the counselor.

[Cuddly]

I'm not sure I get what you mean. Do you want this guy to pay you more attention, like a boyfriend OR do you want him to disappear?

[Rareboy]

I also am confused.

If he doesn't want to maintain a sexual or romantic relationship with you....then face up to this and move on. The way to beat an 'addiction' like this is not to feed it.

And then get out there and find another romance. Or just get laid. I think this is your main problem right now. You have nothing to replace this guy and those memories with.

Get going and make some new friends and new memories.

[LJay]

I am unclear. did you have sex with this man? What is the time from here? How long have you known him and when did you enroll in uni? Are you in the same town or separated? If so, by how far? Do you see him in person? If so, how often?