MikeW Wrote:My best gay friend committed suicide. Kinda pissed me off, tbh. I *understood* why he did it, he was very unhappy on a lot of levels. But, still, to me it is a very selfish thing to do. It's an "It's all about ME" thing to do. Like, you hurt so much yourself, it never even occurs to you that other people might be hurting too. Or that killing yourself would hurt *them* -- people who actually care about you. But, then again, I guess on some level, that's what suicide is all about: The ultimate FUCK YOU to everyone and everything.
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Hey MikW...
Actually I want to point something out... I really don't want to hurt you, especially because it's I guess a very very sensitive topic for you. I even can understand that this message could make you maybe angry what isn't my goal at all! I just want to give you another view towards this topic. Maybe it can help you to look different towards it or maybe not.
What I noticed is that suicide victims (the people who are left alone) often blame the person who committed suicide, that they're selfish (or at least the act itself). But the ones who point the finger towards the person who committed suicide, act also selfish in a way. (let me explain...)
Actually ('almost') all acts from humans are forms of selfishness. In the end are all acts of human beings based on their ('direct') thoughts and feelings. The most simple examples are the things that you directly do for yourself. But it isn't so simple like that...
Even when people want to help others. For example: someone likes to help another person because HE likes to do it, it makes HIMSELF feel better. Even when the joy he gets is based on the idea of the joy of the other person. Or a person helps another guy because HE feels pity about the other person. Even a guy who does stuff for others what makes himself feel bad or in discomfort will do it because HE feels insecure, scared,... and so on. Acts of humans reflect back towards their own feelings and thoughts (even when they do stuff for others or think about others)...
I'm not saying acts from human beings have no influence on other human beings and that they can't be aware of the potential influence of their acts (bad or good). Of course people can think of their own acts and of what it can do with others people their emotions/life. I'm just saying acts and emotions are selfish itself. A person can never do something without infliction of his own thoughts, feelings and needs.
I must say
I know by heart that not all persons who commit suicide don't think of their environment. I'm pretty sure that some suiciders where even thinking about how it could hurt for others (at least somewhere in the period (days/weeks/months) before the act). What damage they could do to there (ever been) loved ones (and NOT for every suicider is this thought: "fuck you")... I'm sure some really were in a struggle with that situation. Because they didn't want to hurt those people. They just couldn't fight the pain. They wanted to end the pain! The pain that was so deep and so strong like it was ripping them litterly open. The pain was so strong that they couldn't think anymore, or at least not in a normal way. The only remaining thought is: to kill the pain. They want to kill THEMSELF (the pain)!
Suiciders are in the illusion that death is the only solution to end the pain. But as I said they don't think clearly anymore. They can't think rational anymore towards other solutions, they are just drugged in negative emotions.
Of course you have also politics suicides (statements) and kamikaze, or people who run away of a responsibility (like they really fucked up and kill them self to remain some kind of honor). But I'm not talking about such a suiciders. I'm talking about people who where mental ill in some form (like depressions, mental disorders,...). Even the ones who created the suicide idea in a short period are people you can consider metal ill. Suicide thoughts are a form of mental illness.
I just want to make clear that
I know by heart that not every suicider says: "fuck you" to his environment. I'm very sure that not every suicide is a statement for the surrounding. Don't you think that some people with suicide thoughts wished like they never existed? That they just could dissapear like they never had an existing... that even nobody could find them, remember them, and grief them!
I'm even very sure that some suiciders, don't want to hurt others but want to destroy themself. Litterly distroy themselves... because they disgust themself.
My question is: is being angry on a person who commited suicide not a form of selfishness? And is being angry towards that person not also a form of: "It's all about ME"? Such as I said emotions are selfish, you always feel your own emotions and act through your own emotions, thoughs and needs.
Sorry for this long message... again I don't want to make you angry or sad. I just hope that you can widen up your thoughts. Even if you don't what is fine for me... you do what you want
. I just hope in the end you find a way to go through all the grief and anger and questions that you have...
To be honest, writing this was PURE selfish of me.
I felt like being hurt in some way reading your message.
I felt the need to reply.
I hope that this message doesn't hurt you or makes you angry.
I am affraid it does...
In the end I was thinking all the time reading this message: I hope it doesn't come bad accross or that it hurts you. Yes I thought about you 'even I don't know you'. Still all my actions where based on my emotions, thoughts and needs.
Have a nice day,
Friendly greeting
Going to do it !!!
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divorce is final she did not want the house I did not either so we have sold it for a huge loss just to be done with it , I have a boyfriend now and hopefully we will be together for a long time we are so happy !! I have only seen the kids two times now and only for a 30 min time frame but it is what the court setup for now I will go with it for now I hope it gets longer as time goes by .
. He took off in the middle of the night he took his clothes and left me a envelope on the kitchen table . It took me a couple of days to open it I do not know why it did either . In side was a letter and a check for two months worth of rent and a small nope saying he wishes me well and hope that I find what I am looking for in life . I have tried to call him and has not returned or responded to my calls ,texts . I have decided to work more hours and save money and get a house again . I do not know what to do with the check I don't want his pity and I am not one to take charity .