Is it time to settle down??? Or enjoy single life?

[Showtek84]

Hi everyone,
I'm just after some advice please. I have recently been reconnected with a guy I dated for a short period 3 years ago, however at the time it didn't work due to issue on both sides. I'm not really a guy thats into dating and to be quite honest enjoy my own space time and if truth be told casual sex. So you could say I do play about BUT recently I have been looking at different areas of my life and wonder should I at least make an effort to go on a few dates. I turned 30 7 months ago and I tell myself that perhaps it's time to grow up and be more responsible and reevaluate what I do. In some ways I'm perhaps selfish with my time but I really do enjoy being on my own. I know circumstances change in life at the minute I have my family and friends around but people move on and perhaps I have given myself a false sense of security knowing I have family but that won't always be the case. So going back to the matter in hand this guy I dated 3 years ago has now been back in touch we speak almost very day and he is keen to go on a date again. He's focused and knows what he wants (not necessarily me) but his end goal is to settle down. We get on well it's just a big transition for me as I'm used to random hook ups, is it possible to go from being promiscuous to going to the other end of the scale and settling down? I don't want to mess this guy around and I'm confused. Please advise thank you

[MikeW]

[MENTION=22285]Showtek84[/MENTION] I don't see why it would hurt to go on a few dates with this guy and see how you feel about it.

Beyond that, I don't think you "should" settle down just because *someone else* (or even you) think you "ought to" (for whatever reason). IOW, if settling down with a guy isn't something you *really really really* want for yourself, chances are quite high it won't work well.

Of course the other side of this is that, being gay, we can define our relationships however we (those involved) want to define it. So, for example, its possible to have a capital R (primary) Relationship and, at the same time, have some very clearly laid out agreement that you can "play around" (safely) so long as a) you don't get emotionally involved or b) hook up with the same dude twice. That's just an example… and not every relationship can handle that kind of arrangement… but some can. So..

You need to do what you *want* to do. The worst thing you can do is commit to an agreement you know you can not and will not keep. That's a recipe for drama no one needs.

[Borg69]

These sound more likes excuses you use to avoid relationships and justify being single.

[Rareboy]

Hi everyone,
I'm just after some advice please. I have recently been reconnected with a guy I dated for a short period 3 years ago, however at the time it didn't work due to issue on both sides. I'm not really a guy thats into dating and to be quite honest enjoy my own space time and if truth be told casual sex. So you could say I do play about BUT recently I have been looking at different areas of my life and wonder should I at least make an effort to go on a few dates. I turned 30 7 months ago and I tell myself that perhaps it's time to grow up and be more responsible and reevaluate what I do. In some ways I'm perhaps selfish with my time but I really do enjoy being on my own. I know circumstances change in life at the minute I have my family and friends around but people move on and perhaps I have given myself a false sense of security knowing I have family but that won't always be the case. So going back to the matter in hand this guy I dated 3 years ago has now been back in touch we speak almost very day and he is keen to go on a date again. He's focused and knows what he wants (not necessarily me) but his end goal is to settle down. We get on well it's just a big transition for me as I'm used to random hook ups, is it possible to go from being promiscuous to going to the other end of the scale and settling down? I don't want to mess this guy around and I'm confused. Please advise thank you

Don't settle down because you think you have to but because you want to.

If you don't think you can be fully committed in a relationship with the guy you are talking about.....then don't waste his time if you think that is what he's looking for in you.

You'll know if and when the right guy comes along and you want only him as your partner.

[CellarDweller]

settle down when you want to, there's no 'set time' for that.

[lonley]

I am going to say I agree with Rareboy and CellarDweller on this one ! You settle down when you are ready to and want to not because you feel like you have to . Do what feels right for you .

[James]

Still agreeing with those who say in your own time to make a commitment, how long do you feel you want to wait to Start to look for someone you want to be with for the rest of your life?
That is only know by you, I have found mine, only took 65 years, Jim

[Bowyn Aerrow]

The thing with telling yourself you should do _____________ (fill in the blank) usually means you are in a place in your life you really do not want to do __________ (fill in the blank) and forcing yourself to do what you don't want to do usually doesn't end well.

Yes you are 30, which is gay-middle age. However if you force yourself to settle down and play monogamy house and all of that, when you hit real middle age you will run a far greater risk of going out to relive those lost moments of your 'youth' and end up mucking things up royally.

Getting into a relationship is not nor never is a 'I should do __________' sort of thing. Its should be a thing that just happens and you can't see yourself doing anything else but.

If you don't have that spark, that quintessential "I have found the one that satisfies my every need" then forcing yourself to settle down, play the monogamy house game isn't going to do much more than breed tons of resentment which will turn into ugly anger and break that relationship.

This isn't 'I should settle down' territory, this is 'i want to settle down' territory. Seriously do you feel a want and need to be with just one fella and go about forming a long term committed relationship? Or do you still want to sow wild oats and play around and have fun before your demise in the gay scene at age 40?