Hello
01-16-2015, 02:50 AM
Hello all,
I am James, a closeted gay man living in New England. Despite having experiences in my teen years, I am just now acknowledging my sexuality.
I remain in the closet due to my status in town. I am heavily involved with the local political scene on the municipal level, and serve on various boards, committees and task forces. My strong advocacy for doing things following proper procedure has earned me many enemies (opponents). While I have no delusions of returning to our town's municipal board, I would like to avoid providing people with fodder for further ridicule. Also, due to pre-conceived notions about gay people, I am certain that my coming out would result in a significant loss in credibility with the local citizens.
I also remain closeted to avoid providing my mother with further distress. We lost dad two years ago and she has yet to recover from the loss. Dad was one who referred to gay people as "following another lifestyle"(in a condescending tone). Mom has always followed dad's lead on this.
I also need to hold off from disclosure to my daughter who is emotionally immature and a special needs child. Her mother has mental health issues, and my daughter's relationship with me needs to remain as stable possible as she manages her teen years.
So yes, I am remaining closeted due to other people. I have not been in a relationship since my daughter's mother and I broke up many years ago. I am comfortable being alone, but needed to reach out to someone regarding my status. It feels odd to be dealing with this at such an old age.
So, here I am... I am attracted to males, but I am not looking for anyone, I am not into the club scene, and I am not sure how I would feel about a physical relationship, if I were to have one. My experiences in the past were in my teens, and the first would technically qualify as me being sexually abused (13 years old vs older man), the second and third were with a classmates, and the third was with a person 3 years younger than me. None were relationships, just experiences.
So, I am gay, but I would never refer to myself by any of the other slang terms referring to gay men. I present in a neutral manner (neither gay nor overly masculine), but I am eccentric in other ways. I don't participate in sports, gaming, or other activities, so my circle of acquaintances is quite small. I am friendly with a guy who promotes gay events in a nearby city. I have known him since before he knew himself. He lived in the closet for a number of years before coming out, but not before having a son. I plan to reach out to him for guidance and support.
I was inspired to acknowledge my identity by observing a young person who works at a store I visit frequently. He is the iconic femme twink who refuses to hold back anything. He is himself, and he doesn't care what others think. His being so "out" inspired me to at least acknowledge who I am.
I have come out as a nudist to some friends, some of whom have respected my privacy, others of whom like to mention it in conversation whenever we are in public. I really hate not being able to trust people I think are friends.
Again, I have too many reasons to not come out, so please do not hound me to do so. I am well planted in my community and have no intention of relocating. Once my mother has passed, and my daughter is better able to understand everything, I will consider the political ramifications. The problem is that small town people with limited access to gay people believe what they read and see on TV. If you are gay, you MUST be cruising gay bars for a different conquest every night. If not, you must be a threat to their children. It is misconceptions like this that make it so difficult. If only people like me were able to be higher profile than the cruisers, more people would feel comfortable with gay people, and we wouldn't be so shunned. Imagine how straight people would feel if their "lifestyle" were always portrayed as wife swapping swingers and lecherous bar lizards looking to score. Just as there are many straight people who aren't into wife swapping and cruising straight bars, there are also many gay people who seek to live a traditional lifestyle (house, picket fences, dogs, kids).
Other things you should know:
> I have a background in Psychology and Sociology
> I am an analytical thinker
> I have A.D.D.
> I work as an account rep servicing supermarkets
> I cleverly hide a well defined skeletal muscle system under an outer layer of fat.
> I have a really bizarre sense of humor that sometimes exceeds all expectations.
> My real name is not James
> I am into 70s-80s rock, can't stand country music, nor modern "music"
> Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do.
> Why do they call it a rest room, whenever I leave, I always feel drained.
> I have a pet bee named Eric (Wait, nope, that was Monty Python).
Okay, now I am just stalling because I am afraid to hit submit. :p
I am James, a closeted gay man living in New England. Despite having experiences in my teen years, I am just now acknowledging my sexuality.
I remain in the closet due to my status in town. I am heavily involved with the local political scene on the municipal level, and serve on various boards, committees and task forces. My strong advocacy for doing things following proper procedure has earned me many enemies (opponents). While I have no delusions of returning to our town's municipal board, I would like to avoid providing people with fodder for further ridicule. Also, due to pre-conceived notions about gay people, I am certain that my coming out would result in a significant loss in credibility with the local citizens.
I also remain closeted to avoid providing my mother with further distress. We lost dad two years ago and she has yet to recover from the loss. Dad was one who referred to gay people as "following another lifestyle"(in a condescending tone). Mom has always followed dad's lead on this.
I also need to hold off from disclosure to my daughter who is emotionally immature and a special needs child. Her mother has mental health issues, and my daughter's relationship with me needs to remain as stable possible as she manages her teen years.
So yes, I am remaining closeted due to other people. I have not been in a relationship since my daughter's mother and I broke up many years ago. I am comfortable being alone, but needed to reach out to someone regarding my status. It feels odd to be dealing with this at such an old age.
So, here I am... I am attracted to males, but I am not looking for anyone, I am not into the club scene, and I am not sure how I would feel about a physical relationship, if I were to have one. My experiences in the past were in my teens, and the first would technically qualify as me being sexually abused (13 years old vs older man), the second and third were with a classmates, and the third was with a person 3 years younger than me. None were relationships, just experiences.
So, I am gay, but I would never refer to myself by any of the other slang terms referring to gay men. I present in a neutral manner (neither gay nor overly masculine), but I am eccentric in other ways. I don't participate in sports, gaming, or other activities, so my circle of acquaintances is quite small. I am friendly with a guy who promotes gay events in a nearby city. I have known him since before he knew himself. He lived in the closet for a number of years before coming out, but not before having a son. I plan to reach out to him for guidance and support.
I was inspired to acknowledge my identity by observing a young person who works at a store I visit frequently. He is the iconic femme twink who refuses to hold back anything. He is himself, and he doesn't care what others think. His being so "out" inspired me to at least acknowledge who I am.
I have come out as a nudist to some friends, some of whom have respected my privacy, others of whom like to mention it in conversation whenever we are in public. I really hate not being able to trust people I think are friends.
Again, I have too many reasons to not come out, so please do not hound me to do so. I am well planted in my community and have no intention of relocating. Once my mother has passed, and my daughter is better able to understand everything, I will consider the political ramifications. The problem is that small town people with limited access to gay people believe what they read and see on TV. If you are gay, you MUST be cruising gay bars for a different conquest every night. If not, you must be a threat to their children. It is misconceptions like this that make it so difficult. If only people like me were able to be higher profile than the cruisers, more people would feel comfortable with gay people, and we wouldn't be so shunned. Imagine how straight people would feel if their "lifestyle" were always portrayed as wife swapping swingers and lecherous bar lizards looking to score. Just as there are many straight people who aren't into wife swapping and cruising straight bars, there are also many gay people who seek to live a traditional lifestyle (house, picket fences, dogs, kids).
Other things you should know:
> I have a background in Psychology and Sociology
> I am an analytical thinker
> I have A.D.D.
> I work as an account rep servicing supermarkets
> I cleverly hide a well defined skeletal muscle system under an outer layer of fat.
> I have a really bizarre sense of humor that sometimes exceeds all expectations.
> My real name is not James
> I am into 70s-80s rock, can't stand country music, nor modern "music"
> Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do.
> Why do they call it a rest room, whenever I leave, I always feel drained.
> I have a pet bee named Eric (Wait, nope, that was Monty Python).
Okay, now I am just stalling because I am afraid to hit submit. :p
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Capricorn
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