I can't untie this knot.....

[Anonymous]

What's up guys? Short question, just wanna get your reactions. And don't hold back. That's why I made this an anonymous post. Haha.

So, I've recently started fooling around with some guys and I've got this problem. I've always had this fascination, ok fetish I guess...., with bondage. Now, I still new to all of this but this interest of mine seems to be getting in the way of having just plain ole' sex.

I just feel like instead of 100 percent of my "passion" being directed toward sex, 50% is going toward sex and 50% toward my interest.

I always wanted to keep my bondage and sex life separate. Like have sex with some guys, and sometimes do some bondage. Does that make sense?

Sorry, I'm just rambling. My main question is, how can I kinda like make myself more "interested" in just normal sex? Or is that just asking too much?

Thanks you guys

[LJay]

Anon, try reading Reaper's posts. He has posted some thoughtful stuff about bondage and is a great writer to boot.

[TwisttheLeaf]

I agree about checking out Reaper's posts.

That aside, why do you want to suppress your interest? Or, for that matter, segregate it out from your life and sex? I know some do, but I'm not sure I understand -why- unless it's possibly shame or embarrassment based. (or, in some cases, bondage doesn't have a sexual component to it for the person at all of course, but from your post that doesn't seem to be the case for you)

[Bowyn Aerrow]

You don't.

Fetish is part of who you are, and if you are pushing your limits hard while young, you will discover when you are old(er) that its going to take a lot more fetish to ring that bell.

The one thing that is common in the BDSM scene is that those who have a strong fetish when it comes to 'just sex' tend to discover that when they meet the right guy who is more than just a trick that vanilla and other sorts of 'making love' comes easily and is satisfying as their fetish.

The thing is not so much what you are doing for sex, but who you are doing it with.

If you ain't with the right guy who meets your needs and satisfies you in other areas that connect with sex in the 'making love' sort of connection, then fetish and raw lust is all you got to satisfy yourself, and that is going to be scratched via your fetish.

[Anonymous]

Thanks you guys. I actually private messaged reaper before I posted this, asking him some questions.

Here's the situaton. I've been going on dates with this guy. I like him. He likes me.

This is what been happening. We'll make out, cuddle, fool around for like an hour. Then when the pants come off, I'm still hard as a rock (for lack of better words, lol.) As he uses his hands and mouth, it feels good but after awhile, I kinda just go.....well.......limp.......idk.

It's just so confusing because at the beginning were like animals. And I enjoy every moment of it, but when the pants come off, it tends to go downhill.

Any comments? I'm starting to wonder if this might be a medical issue. I'm still rather young, btw. Lol

[TwisttheLeaf]

What's going on in your head when the pants come off? Are you putting pressure on yourself for something? How (other than pants coming off) do things change... maybe either what's being done to you/for you/with you or the dynamic and/or power dynamic between the two of you?

I'm trying to figure out here what it is that -changes- yeah? It seems obvious -something- is turning you off about the experience, whether it's anticipation turning into nervousness or that something that was done when the pants were on just isn't carrying over.

[Anonymous]

What's going on in your head when the pants come off? Are you putting pressure on yourself for something? How (other than pants coming off) do things change... maybe either what's being done to you/for you/with you or the dynamic and/or power dynamic between the two of you?

Tbh, I'm worried about not being able to cum. That's the only pressure I can think I am putting on myself. During the kissing and shit, I'm usually the aggressive one. But, the guy I'm dating is a bottom. So he usually does the stuff to me, I haven't done it to him yet. I feel like when I'm just sitting there, receiving, I just sit there and think. Lol.

I'm trying to figure out here what it is that -changes- yeah? It seems obvious -something- is turning you off about the experience, whether it's anticipation turning into nervousness or that something that was done when the pants were on just isn't carrying over.

I honestly don't know. I mean, during the kissing and grinding I was more than ready for the pants to come off. Then when they did, it felt great just not for long. Make sense? Probably not. Lol

[TwisttheLeaf]

Ok, so then I'd suggest that maybe you need to try continuing to be the aggressor even after the pants come off, yeah?

ie: Instead of him sucking your dick, you fuck his skull. Take instead of "receiving" your pleasure and see if that helps.

It sounds to me like with the removal of your pants, the dynamic is changing from you being the aggressor to you trying to be passive. I'm not sure -why- you think that's necessary, yeah?

[Gideon]

*Just...growls*

[TwisttheLeaf]

*Just...growls*

*Chuckles* You can fuck my skull any time man.

All yours.