Getting over a love long lost

[phasmamj]

And as for west Palm beach dripping with gays.... All the out gay guys that I've met are over the top*queens. Not to offend anyone, but that's not my type. And all they are interested in is "playing" as in hooking up. That's not the type of person I am. Plus, I'm not out. Came out to my two best friends (females) and they ended the friendship. So, I haven't come out to anyone else as of yet.

[Cuddly]

What you need is a bubblebath!

It sounds like you're afraid to succeed, the way you brush it off with "they're all over the top queens" and "I don't have time for the gym". Look at yourself. Are you an over the top queen? I bet the answer is no and that's the case with most of us. If you isolate yourself with your hurt feelings, you reduce your odds of meeting somebody special. So try to find your yes man and get busy.

[MikeW]

And as for west Palm beach dripping with gays.... All the out gay guys that I've met are over the top*queens. Not to offend anyone, but that's not my type….

First, join RJ, then start getting your ass in shape. No time for the gym? How can that be? Seriously, how is that even possible? 3 to 4 hours a week should be possible for anyone. It's about prioritizing and learning how to goal focus and workout properly. Once you've started to sweat, just do a search on RJ for some guys in your area…



Second, you're NOT the only gay man who has the same "hetbro" fetish. Trust me on that one. LOL! There are probably way more than you think. The *problem* (as your own case demonstrates) is THEY ARE NOT OUT TO ONE ANOTHER and consequently only see the "over the top queens".

ALL gay men are affected to *some* degree -- as, indeed, are all straight men. At some point you're going to have to learn there are two things going on here: One is your sexual fantasies, fixations and lusts -- the other is *who you can actually relate to as a another male*. If you start putting yourself out there and actually meeting gay men you might be surprised what you'll find. But you have to look and not be totally put off by all the "goings on". Most likely the one's you're most interested in aren't going to be that *obvious*. But notice who LOOKS at you (especially once you've gotten your ass back in shape), and don't be afraid to LOOK BACK at the one's that attract you. Give 'em a smile, nod and a wink!

[Borg69]

And as for west Palm beach dripping with gays.... All the out gay guys that I've met are over the top*queens. Not to offend anyone, but that's not my type. And all they are interested in is "playing" as in hooking up. That's not the type of person I am. Plus, I'm not out. Came out to my two best friends (females) and they ended the friendship. So, I haven't come out to anyone else as of yet.

I'm going to assume that Palm Beach is much like here in that there's a gay bar for EVERYONE... drag, leather, twinks, older crowd, ... You're just not looking in the right places, AND your eyes deceive you with what you do see. I'm willing to bet there are a ton of gay guys like you seek - you're just not seeing them because when you do you assume they're straight.

I know that anytime I hear someone say "I can't find anyone to date", they're either not looking hard enough (or at all), or their expectations are so unrealistically high and/or out of their league so as to be impossible to find.

WEST PALM BEACH. If you can't find someone there, up to your armpits in gay guys, you're not going to find one anywhere. Swing a dead cat and pick the first 10 you hit.

[phasmamj]

What you need is a bubblebath!

It sounds like you're afraid to succeed, the way you brush it off with "they're all over the top queens" and "I don't have time for the gym". Look at yourself. Are you an over the top queen? I bet the answer is no and that's the case with most of us. If you isolate yourself with your hurt feelings, you reduce your odds of meeting somebody special. So try to find your yes man and get busy.

[MENTION=20359]Cuddly[/MENTION],
HAHA!!! Loudest I've laughed all day. I really shouldn't be on here while at work. Maybe the "I don't have time for the gym" remark is an excuse deep down inside. But I do workout at home every other day, if I have 30-45 minutes to spare. So, the only thing i feel thats negative about not going to the gym is I'm cutting myself off from meeting new people. Which is something I've never thought about til now. Eye opener! O.O

[phasmamj]

Thanks to all for your advice. Never been read like this before. Especially by strangers! I got plenty of what I needed to hear, rather than what i wanted to hear. I definitely need some folks like yall in my life.

[MikeW]

Thanks to all for your advice. Never been read like this before. Especially by strangers! I got plenty of what I needed to hear, rather than what i wanted to hear. I definitely need some folks like yall in my life.

Well, don't be scarce! Hang with us. We don't bite. Much.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Its been well over 24 years and I still carry a thing for my first love.

Granted I'm not all binge eating and vomiting up food and cutting myself sort of cray-cray longing, but from time to time I can get hit pretty hard with a pang of nostalgia and find myself even trying to shed a tear over 'what could have been' and 'what we once were'.

Time and distance will lesson the sting, will slowly lead to your moving on and getting beyond 'this'.

But, you need to just accept that you will carry a bit of him in your heart for the rest of your life. Accepting that part of it will do wonders with allowing you to go about the business of living life, and getting into new relationships.

And I might as well warn you now, you will never love another man quite like you loved this one. Each new person you meet the love will be different in strength, hue, flavor. Too often people who have experienced a strong 'true love' sort of love get caught up in thinking that 'true love' always feels exactly the same. It doesn't.

As for weight and depression, I would suggest talking to your doctor. There are a plethora of antidepressant pills out there which perhaps a low dose one for A WHILE coupled with a set of reasonable weight loss/fitness goals will take the edge off the depression (and the edge off the heart ache) and allow you to refocus on living your life.

Then there is therapy. IDK how much damage this relationship did to you, you mentioned regret - my biggest regret is Bradley - its not because of things I did, but because of things I didn't do. This is pretty common for people, we tend to regret most those things (or people) we didn't do.

There is no 'cure' for not doing what could have been done. Live and learn and hopefully when the next chance to ride a similar ride comes along you will recall you passed up on that chance before and that didn't end well and maybe you will take that chance this time. This is part of the life and experience and applying experience to living.