I am not really fond of any of them but if I had to choose...gay works for me.
As it is...I think sexuality is far more complex than most people do....the combination and variations seem endless to me.
For instance...one example.... but I have many of them....the straight man who is emotionally and intellectually in love with women...physically attracted to women..but inside feels like a woman but NOT a female and wants to engage in homosexual sex as a straight woman in order to feel that part of himself...and it is only a part. It doesn't negate any other part of him....
So...is he gay? bi? straight? transgender?...or maybe none of those things define him at all...
If one is to assume transgender...what if he likes being a male and thinks he is the the right body but has a part of him that feels female? If that is the case...how could he be considered homosexual or gay if he feels like a woman with a man?
I have seen alot of these men eventually gravitate toward "chicks with dicks" actually....
...and yeah...I could go on and on and on. I talked to soooooo many people one on one over the years about sexuality (not to mention the guys I have had sex with)....and I think we are in the dark ages still when it comes to labels in general....
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
•
Posts: 2,751
Threads: 77
Joined: Aug 2014
Reputation:
0
Mood: None
i use homo, or homosexual most. but i have no problem with any of them. although 'queer' does kinda tick me off, and i don't ever use it when talking about myself. 'queer' is pretty much used to refer to anybody who doesn't conform to some sort of norm, sexuality-wise, gender-wise, etc. it's too wide of a term. 'homo' and 'gay' are specific.
and i don't find that these are labels at all. they are valid terms for describing a person's sexual orientation. unless you think sexual orientation doesn't exist, we need a word to refer to it, and as such they will never disappear from usage. i have no issues with ''labeling'' myself or being ''labeled'' homosexual. i am a homosexual. why would i have a problem being called one?
•
I do not have a problem with being labeled "homosexual" since it is an accurate way to describe my sexuality that has neither a positive or negative connotation. I do feel that "gay" is a bit more informal. "Queer" seems to me to still have a bit of negativity attached to it; I had heard it used often in a pejorative sense when I was growing up.
As for me, I tend to describe myself most often as a "gay man" and actually, feel a bit of pride when I do so.
•
For me, the attempted adoption of "queer" as a definitive term to encompass gay rights and allied causes was a vestige of the counterculture movement in which gay rights was born. Those who found themselves defined by their counterculturalism perhaps saw the homosexual population as inherently counterculture, but progressive steps toward social acceptance have pretty much blunted that concept by the larger population.
We saw a similar reaction arise in the gay marriage movement. There was/is a segment of homosexual men who resented the "mainstreaming" of gays, and apparently viewed it as the equal of making vegan hamburgers. To those men, gays were NOT like heterosexuals so had no business championing monogamy or any of the other markers of the status quo.
The tensions between the views is still playing out today.
Although I use the term gay at times to refer to self, I generally avoid it just as I don't let an attendant at a garage reply with "Sure thing, boss" or anyone telling me I'm "cool." I've always disliked being presumed to need to be "cool" which used to mean "not square" or "not traditional" and I've never been ashamed of being rural, or square, or traditional. Of course, today it has become so amorphous as to mean almost nothing except "approved," so my reaction is just dated. As for "boss," it is favored her by Latinos, and used with customers of all classes, but I dislike the deference, and simply asked to be called by my name.
And I have to concede some ground to the argument that "gay" isn't necessarily a term of approval, as it was used almost universally by the youngest, and supposedly the most pro-gay generation, to mean "stupid" or "embarrassing" until very recently. However, in conversations in person with people who currently use "gay," it is usually used as a term that is chosen, subconsciously or not, to signal approval, and an aversion to other terms considered offensive. And, of course, in the majority of America, an open discussion of sex or anything overtly sexual is still avoided, so "gay" conveniently describes homosexual with no overtly sexual reference. Typical.
•
Nanaki Wrote:I do not have a problem with being labeled "homosexual" since it is an accurate way to describe my sexuality that has neither a positive or negative connotation. I do feel that "gay" is a bit more informal. "Queer" seems to me to still have a bit of negativity attached to it; I had heard it used often in a pejorative sense when I was growing up.
As for me, I tend to describe myself most often as a "gay man" and actually, feel a bit of pride when I do so.
^^^ @hardheaded
I think that what the word QUEER evokes is the fact of not fitting in. Something that is marginal, doesn't fit in, isn't in conformity to something (maybe the norm). The word is therefore used to define the kind of books, essays and studies that are a little bit on fringes of society, things that think outside the usual box. It used to mean strange, weird, odd, bizarre, as well. As such it is not necessarily a negatively connoted word, but it has come to be negative in certain people's mouths, through repetitious slander.
•
Hardheaded1 Wrote:For me, the attempted adoption of "queer" as a definitive term to encompass gay rights and allied causes was a vestige of the counterculture movement in which gay rights was born. Those who found themselves defined by their counterculturalism perhaps saw the homosexual population as inherently counterculture, but progressive steps toward social acceptance have pretty much blunted that concept by the larger population.
We saw a similar reaction arise in the gay marriage movement. There was/is a segment of homosexual men who resented the "mainstreaming" of gays, and apparently viewed it as the equal of making vegan hamburgers. To those men, gays were NOT like heterosexuals so had no business championing monogamy or any of the other markers of the status quo.
The tensions between the views is still playing out today.
Although I use the term gay at times to refer to self, I generally avoid it just as I don't let an attendant at a garage reply with "Sure thing, boss" or anyone telling me I'm "cool." I've always disliked being presumed to need to be "cool" which used to mean "not square" or "not traditional" and I've never been ashamed of being rural, or square, or traditional. Of course, today it has become so amorphous as to mean almost nothing except "approved," so my reaction is just dated. As for "boss," it is favored her by Latinos, and used with customers of all classes, but I dislike the deference, and simply asked to be called by my name.
And I have to concede some ground to the argument that "gay" isn't necessarily a term of approval, as it was used almost universally by the youngest, and supposedly the most pro-gay generation, to mean "stupid" or "embarrassing" until very recently. However, in conversations in person with people who currently use "gay," it is usually used as a term that is chosen, subconsciously or not, to signal approval, and an aversion to other terms considered offensive. And, of course, in the majority of America, an open discussion of sex or anything overtly sexual is still avoided, so "gay" conveniently describes homosexual with no overtly sexual reference. Typical. Nonetheless, it is interesting that the words "homosexual" and "heterosexual" had to be coined because the notions didn't exist in the past, at least, not so scientifically even though the being and the practices that go with the orientation had existed since mankind had been on earth. I guess it took away the very ugly meanings associated with the biblically-steeped Sodomite and gave the condition a more humane, less desparaging, and definitely more technical or scientific ground for existence.
•
We seem to be averse to using behavioral terms in reference to self, but only selectively.
I would suggest that is because, in the majority of cases, the terms are for disorders.
Bipolar
Manic depressive
Kleptomaniac
Nymphomaniac
And the list goes on.
It isn't often that we hear behavioral terms used by sociologists to describe positive traits, or at least not in conversations we hear in the public.
Paternal instinct
Philanthropic
Communalist
Self-sacrificial
Humorist
Mentor
Heroic
We seem to focus on only the ones that bring us into question, but there are plenty of positive behaviors that sociology, anthropology, and psychology study.
•
Buzzer Wrote:I don't think I buy the "cool" argument. I think many terms which are contextually restricted to the realm of completely impersonal categorization are simply not the terms by which people identify or group socially.
On forms and surveys and studies and applications, the most impersonal, objective and academic term possible will be favored. These are rarely the terms people go around using in daily life and many of them were perhaps never used this way. My sexuality is "homosexual" but I am not "A HOMOSEXUAL." At least the term "gay guy" phrases it such that gay is a modifier on guy (a guy who is gay) rather than summing up the totality of the individual by only the sexuality identifier.
Is that a bird over there or is it a member of family Corvidae? One isn't favored because it's cooler. It's favored because it dwells more in the realm of how people think, group and speak both to themselves and to each other.
This. I decide what aspects of my identity to emphasize; nobody else. I don't make a secret of it (it would be tough since I'm also out there advocating for others) but it doesn't define me either.
•
Iceblink Wrote:What would you have this site be called instead of using the word "gay?" QueerSpeak?
[SIZE="7"][COLOR="Red"]OH HELL!
You ought to be banned
from here for that!!!!
It gave me flashbacks to
the debate about
changing the GaySpeak to
LGBTQIABC2SFQ -Speak[/COLOR][/SIZE]
•
Virge Wrote:It gave me flashbacks
Now, now. Cool your fevered brow.
•
|
