Does he just not like me?

[CollegeAnony]

I met my current "boyfriend" on campus just a bit before Christmas over Grindr. Things have gone okay, but I'm still a bit unsure about his feelings/intensions

A few weeks into the relationship, while drunk, he sent "Love you" to me, I felt the same, and said I love you as well. The next day he said sorry, he didn't mean to send that to me, and he doesn't want to screw things up. Over winter break, I spent a few days with him which involved cuddling and eventually lots of kissing, but nothing more.

Here are some of the problems I've had:
- He has several group text message chats, none of which I'm allowed to be a part of (I asked).
- He rarely initiates conversation. I am always the one to message him first. I tested this by going a almost an entire day without messaging him, he finally sent me a message at around 11PM.
- Today, my first day back on campus, I haven't seen him at all. I sent him a message asking when I can stop by his room, but he said "maybe later? I'm out right now", never following up. He hasn't responded to any of my messages tonight.
- He still has not said I love you, even after tons of cuddling, kissing, sharing, etc

I'm not sure what to do. I feel more like a burden to him. But this is both our first relationship, so it could be related to that. Is this behavior normal? Sorry if this post is incomprehensible

[Virge]

You are wasting your time trying to understand all his mess.

Just get out of it like right now. There's nothing to understand or discuss.

[MikeW]

...I'm not sure what to do. I feel more like a burden to him. ...

What do you want from him? Have you told him what you want? If so, how did he respond to your statement. If not, why not?

I wouldn't call what you are doing a "relationship". Yeah, you're "relating" *sort-of* but that's not exactly "a relationship". You're *dating*. I don't even get the sense you're "going steady" at this point.

Communication is key. That is, speaking your truth and hearing the other guy's truth. I doubt either one of you know how to do that very well.

Bottom line for me is, don't make such a BFD out of this. Let things take their course. You'll still be seeing one another in 6 months or you won't. Re-evaluate then.

[Borg69]

Be honest with him in that you don't feel like you're a very high priority in his life and that you feel neglected and taken for granted. Ask him if he'd rather be single.

[CollegeAnony]

Thanks guys, I'm going to try talking to him tomorrow when he's out of work.

[Rareboy]

I think that your 'relationship' has run its course.

Time to move on.....maybe try meeting people without using Grindr?

[lonley]

I hate to say this but in my opinion I think that he has another man or men in his life and he does not want to stick to just one he wants to play the field I guess you could say , I hate to say it but this relationship may have run its course .I am hoping that I am wrong but you should really try to get him to talk to you so you can try and tell him how you feel and find out how he feels . I hope that it all works out for you good luck and please let us know how things go.

[CollegeAnony]

I talked to him in person earlier today, long story short it has to do with how he was raised (walling things off/privacy, and trust coming second + hard to get). He agreed that he is willing to change, but it will take a while. I'm going to give him and some time and be there for him, hopefully it works out.

Thanks for all of the advice guys! It helped a lot