01-26-2015, 11:35 PM
Im sorta a lurker here I have read you guys giving great advice and was hoping you could help me.
*** this is a little long but I could use some advice*** hopefully someone could donate a few minutes to a stranger?
A long time ago when I was single I met a guy who was really cool, in fact he was the first guy to ever find out I was gay/bi. We hung out some as friends i made that specific, got dinner had fun. We talked often, text mostly but something caught my attention. I felt like manipulation attempts were going on. I mean that by how this individual would phrase terms often saying things like "not many people will accept us" and "we got to stick together" repeated phrases I shrugged it off thinking he most likely means we the gay population rather than me + him as individuals. I always give people the benefit of the doubt regardless and Im hyper sensitive to patterns like repeated words and numbers. Well things continued and one day he called me his boyfriend, I made an immediate correction that we were simply friends. A little time passed things reverted to the previous but we were still friends, had a plan to go out and have fun one night to which he had to cancel two days later I met a guy who was also really great, we hung out most of the day and something sparked several hours after I met him. We decided to start dating, and I told my friend about him. Things went rather poorly there were hurt feelings and I had no idea how much this guy had apparently liked me I would say almost to the point of obsession.
Things between us changed, he accepted I was dateing but only in the sense of of the words themself as I dont think he himself accepted it. Our conversations went from hanging out (as we did have several common interests and would have did allot more if schedules could align better) to how was my boyfriend, do I love him, does my boyfriend love me, what did we do etc. I told him the conversations really made me feel uncomfortable but I dealt with it until he texted me that he loved me. At that moment I realized being friends was not a possibility and trying to be so would make things harder on both of us so I stopped talking to him.
Well, ALLOT of time passed almost two years and I learned that this individual had moved on, got his own guy and was satisfied with life. I learned this via a online game we both play, I showed it to him when we were hanging out originally and he thought it was fun and never dropped it. I cared for his well being and always wondered what he was doing, I also missed our hanging out so I did check his info out on occasion, but never said anything. Well I decided perhaps we could be friends again, talked to my BF explained the situation to which he was fine with whatever I wanted, thinking it would be fun to have movie nights and stuff with me and my boyfriend and him and his and so I started talking to the guy again, minimally.
After talking we have yet to hang out due to schedules but he did suggest a few activities. After talking for a bit I learn that him and his boyfriend aren't really together yet due to some circumstances out of each others control. Several events have happened between the two of us that are starting to catch my attention again, things not adding up.
Should I give him the benefit of the doubt? I know most of you may say dont talk to him anymore but we had allot of fun together and I really liked him although I would never endanger my relationship with my boyfriend. I have asked for his advise but he says he trusts in any decision I make on the matter. So now im asking you guys, what would you do? Drop potentially one of your best friends on suspicion that may be heightened on someone who is naturally suspicious, talk to someone that may mislead or misinform you or give the benefit of the doubt and anticipate a train wreck? or option 4 if you guys can think of something.
*** this is a little long but I could use some advice*** hopefully someone could donate a few minutes to a stranger?
A long time ago when I was single I met a guy who was really cool, in fact he was the first guy to ever find out I was gay/bi. We hung out some as friends i made that specific, got dinner had fun. We talked often, text mostly but something caught my attention. I felt like manipulation attempts were going on. I mean that by how this individual would phrase terms often saying things like "not many people will accept us" and "we got to stick together" repeated phrases I shrugged it off thinking he most likely means we the gay population rather than me + him as individuals. I always give people the benefit of the doubt regardless and Im hyper sensitive to patterns like repeated words and numbers. Well things continued and one day he called me his boyfriend, I made an immediate correction that we were simply friends. A little time passed things reverted to the previous but we were still friends, had a plan to go out and have fun one night to which he had to cancel two days later I met a guy who was also really great, we hung out most of the day and something sparked several hours after I met him. We decided to start dating, and I told my friend about him. Things went rather poorly there were hurt feelings and I had no idea how much this guy had apparently liked me I would say almost to the point of obsession.
Things between us changed, he accepted I was dateing but only in the sense of of the words themself as I dont think he himself accepted it. Our conversations went from hanging out (as we did have several common interests and would have did allot more if schedules could align better) to how was my boyfriend, do I love him, does my boyfriend love me, what did we do etc. I told him the conversations really made me feel uncomfortable but I dealt with it until he texted me that he loved me. At that moment I realized being friends was not a possibility and trying to be so would make things harder on both of us so I stopped talking to him.
Well, ALLOT of time passed almost two years and I learned that this individual had moved on, got his own guy and was satisfied with life. I learned this via a online game we both play, I showed it to him when we were hanging out originally and he thought it was fun and never dropped it. I cared for his well being and always wondered what he was doing, I also missed our hanging out so I did check his info out on occasion, but never said anything. Well I decided perhaps we could be friends again, talked to my BF explained the situation to which he was fine with whatever I wanted, thinking it would be fun to have movie nights and stuff with me and my boyfriend and him and his and so I started talking to the guy again, minimally.
After talking we have yet to hang out due to schedules but he did suggest a few activities. After talking for a bit I learn that him and his boyfriend aren't really together yet due to some circumstances out of each others control. Several events have happened between the two of us that are starting to catch my attention again, things not adding up.
Should I give him the benefit of the doubt? I know most of you may say dont talk to him anymore but we had allot of fun together and I really liked him although I would never endanger my relationship with my boyfriend. I have asked for his advise but he says he trusts in any decision I make on the matter. So now im asking you guys, what would you do? Drop potentially one of your best friends on suspicion that may be heightened on someone who is naturally suspicious, talk to someone that may mislead or misinform you or give the benefit of the doubt and anticipate a train wreck? or option 4 if you guys can think of something.
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Capricorn
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