01-28-2015, 04:13 PM
Hello everyone! I am in desperate need of relationship advice. Before I get in to the particulars, a bit about myself- I turned 24 in November and would consider myself to be a very friendly and outgoing person. I enjoy grabbing drinks with friends and trying out new bars and restaurants. I am originally from the Midwest and graduated from college in 2013.
About three months after graduation, I moved to Washington DC to pursue various career opportunities. While interviewing in DC, I met someone around my age (22 at the time) on Grindr. His name is Chris. We instantly connected and I discovered that we had very similar interests. We started to text every day and talk on the phone regularly. A few weeks before I moved to DC, Chris came to visit me and we became exclusive. I ended up moving in with him for about 9 months before finding my own apartment. This resulted in us spending the majority of our time together. We grew very close and experienced several hardships, including a close friend's suicide, a mold-ridden apartment and several moves.
Even after living apart, we continue to spend almost every night with each other. Chris is very fond of lifting so for the past 2 months I have gone to the gym several times a week to put on muscle. I enjoy shopping and Chris has made an effort to go to the store with me more often. We both love to try new restaurants and this has become a cornerstone of our relationship. I mention all of these things because they illustrate that we both have our own interests and actively work together to make each other happy.
Despite all of the good, we have encountered a pattern of bad behavior that we can't seem to break. Chris always speaks what is on his mind. In the past, he has told me that my stomach is big (I am 6'4 and weigh 180 pounds aka I'm very lean as it is) and that I am not as attractive to him. Hearing this hurts my self-esteem and I have lashed out at him for his destructive comments. In the past, I have threatened to make him go home and even break up with him because of what he has said. His words make me feel hopeless and the despair fuels my emotions.
I have repeatedly asked Chris to stop sharing these demeaning comments but he can't help himself. At times, I am even guilty of pressuring him into telling me what he is thinking when he is quiet or removed. I have put in much effort into not getting so worked up but it is impossible for me not to get upset when this becomes a regular thing. For the past several months, Chris has even refused sex and accuses me of being too needy, even when I try to kiss him. He has explained to me that he isn't attracted to someone that yells at him.
The lack of sex in our relationship is slowly eating away at me and I often find myself wanting to download Grindr to hook up with someone. I have expressed how I feel to Chris but he said that he can't change whether or not he is attracted to me.
To summarize my post, Chris and I are in love with each other and are generally very happy. His frequent unfiltered comments often spark an emotional or frustrated response from me that in turn cause me to express my frustration. This has caused his level of attraction to depreciate even further leading to a limited sex life.
What would you suggest I do? Should I stay in the relationship because we have such a great companionship or do I leave because of the cycle we are trapped in? Are my frustrations/emotional responses warranted or should I seek professional help?
Thanks in advance!
About three months after graduation, I moved to Washington DC to pursue various career opportunities. While interviewing in DC, I met someone around my age (22 at the time) on Grindr. His name is Chris. We instantly connected and I discovered that we had very similar interests. We started to text every day and talk on the phone regularly. A few weeks before I moved to DC, Chris came to visit me and we became exclusive. I ended up moving in with him for about 9 months before finding my own apartment. This resulted in us spending the majority of our time together. We grew very close and experienced several hardships, including a close friend's suicide, a mold-ridden apartment and several moves.
Even after living apart, we continue to spend almost every night with each other. Chris is very fond of lifting so for the past 2 months I have gone to the gym several times a week to put on muscle. I enjoy shopping and Chris has made an effort to go to the store with me more often. We both love to try new restaurants and this has become a cornerstone of our relationship. I mention all of these things because they illustrate that we both have our own interests and actively work together to make each other happy.
Despite all of the good, we have encountered a pattern of bad behavior that we can't seem to break. Chris always speaks what is on his mind. In the past, he has told me that my stomach is big (I am 6'4 and weigh 180 pounds aka I'm very lean as it is) and that I am not as attractive to him. Hearing this hurts my self-esteem and I have lashed out at him for his destructive comments. In the past, I have threatened to make him go home and even break up with him because of what he has said. His words make me feel hopeless and the despair fuels my emotions.
I have repeatedly asked Chris to stop sharing these demeaning comments but he can't help himself. At times, I am even guilty of pressuring him into telling me what he is thinking when he is quiet or removed. I have put in much effort into not getting so worked up but it is impossible for me not to get upset when this becomes a regular thing. For the past several months, Chris has even refused sex and accuses me of being too needy, even when I try to kiss him. He has explained to me that he isn't attracted to someone that yells at him.
The lack of sex in our relationship is slowly eating away at me and I often find myself wanting to download Grindr to hook up with someone. I have expressed how I feel to Chris but he said that he can't change whether or not he is attracted to me.
To summarize my post, Chris and I are in love with each other and are generally very happy. His frequent unfiltered comments often spark an emotional or frustrated response from me that in turn cause me to express my frustration. This has caused his level of attraction to depreciate even further leading to a limited sex life.
What would you suggest I do? Should I stay in the relationship because we have such a great companionship or do I leave because of the cycle we are trapped in? Are my frustrations/emotional responses warranted or should I seek professional help?
Thanks in advance!
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Capricorn
