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Is it me or is it him?
#1
Hello! I have some issues with my boyfriend and I decided to share them with you because in his opinion I'm a very dramatic person and obviously his friends agree with him, though only one knows me. On the other hand my family and friends think that his behaviours are unacceptable. As you can see I'm in doubt if it's me to overreact or him to exaggerate. Let me bring closer what do I have problems about:

1. He lives in Ireland and I live in Poland. I work here as an English and Italian teacher. I'm graduated and have some experience in teaching. He wanted me to move to Limerick where he currently lives. I know that my job prospects are not very big there but for him I was able to move. However, I can't stand his comments that my education and experience mean nothing in other European countries but in Limerick I can have a nice life but obviously I need to start from zero meaning to work in a restaurant. I told him that I wanted to send CVs to other countries and maybe begin as a hotel receptionist but I hate the way he discourages me, saying that I won't find any job or it will be very difficult.

2. When I visited him at Christmas he took me to his friends' house but the first thing that he did was to sit on the couch and talk to them in Portuguese. I was sitting there for two hours looking at the screen of my mobile phone and later, when we went out together, he was walking with them a few metres ahead. To my accusations that he was ingnoring me, he replied that I was dramatic because I was doing something on my mobile phone so he assumed that everything was fine.

3. Repeatedly he comes out with a conversation about my nationality. He believes that all Polish people in Ireland claim benefits and do nothing. The problem is that he's been on the dole since I know him (5 months) and now he wants to start another course that lasts 9 months and the Irish government pays him for attending it. Even though I work he told me that people from Mediterranean countries like him should hate Eastern Europeans because they take money for nothing.

4. When I came there at Christmas I wanted to make some Polish dishes. Apart from him there were three French flatmates that he barely knew. Anyway he asked me not to make anything with champignons because one of them didn't eat mushrooms. Then he told me that I should have made something normal, namely not Polish, because French people are very fussy. In the end they ate everything I made but my boyfriend threw away my soup in the presence of everyone, explaining later that it's normal to do it if he's not hungry and I'm just dramatic.

5. Before we had sex I asked him if he had any disease and he told me to be clean. Anyway I was pushing him to examine himself what he finally did. It turned out that he had syphilis and what he confessed me was that his last examination was 10 years ago and he told me to be clean because he didn't feel bad and that I should be happy that he doesn't have hiv.

So, I've already bought a ticket and the flight is in a week but I'm in doubt about going there. Tell me if I should stop thinking too much or I was right about making those dramas?
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#2
I stopped reading after the third point. I really don't see any reason why you should ditch your life and go join him....and start your career path all over (and thus reaffirm his belief that Poles don't do anything worthwhile). I'd say just tell him you don't think it's going to work out.

OK, I just read the fifth point. I'm not even sure you need to bother telling him you don't think it's going to work out.

Lex
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#3
Sorry Krzysztof, but this man is not good for you. I think you should look for a better partner. Your drama is not exaggerated to my mind. What exactly do you see in him? I know life as a gay man isn't necessarily easy in Poland, but even in the UK or Ireland you should be able to find someone who isn't as lackadaisical, aloof, thoughtless and inconsiderate as your 'boyfriend'. He really sounds like a user to me, and I think he's being unfair to you. Of course I don't have his point of view to confront your testimony with, but judging by everything you have said and found out, and described here, he sounds very full of himself, and not very pleasant, to be honest. In the meantime, Welcome to GaySpeak. Hope you find a way to confront this new reality before you make a big mistake. You can always back out, can't you? Maybe your family are right.
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#4
Who is this guy to say that your Polish dishes won't be savoured by anyone, let alone French people? Maybe the French are fussy, but it sounds like he's the fussy one. They all wolfed down what you offered. Maybe it was his impolite and devious way of saying that he doesn't like your cooking, but it's still hurtful.
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#5
Right, so I went "Jesus, what a DICK" to each point..... until I got to point #5 and then went "HOLY FUCK!"

Why the hell are you even -with- this guy???

I know I'm only hearing one side of things, but from what's written here, he's abusive, condescending, inconsiderate, and a downright ASS. He knows it, and doesn't care, thinking others will tolerate it (which for some reason, you are??)

If that ticket is to move there? JESUS, man. Don't go. DO NOT fuck up your life for someone like this. If it's for a visit, in your shoes I'd be going, but it would be to break up with his ass in person instead of through correspondence of some kind.

You can do better.
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#6
I wouldn't walk across the street to piss on your BF's head if it were on fire if he's really done all this. I certainly wouldn't quit my job and move across the country(s) to be with him. He has zero respect for you. I hope you have more for yourself and some self preservation instincts. Believe me, you can do better. You deserve more.
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#7
I think that eventually you will be happier if you follow your dreams without him, rather then when you give up your dreams to be with someone that makes you feel like this.
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#8
On the humourous side, (if you can take a joke) this man is not very skilled in divas! Wink Are you sure he's gay?
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#9
I read the whole thing thinking... that's bad bud understandable a human would act like this. Perhaps tossing food is his thing etc, but the last point sealed the deal. If he wasn't up front about the STD, think of what else he may have left out. I personally would not have anything more to do with him if I were you, that is unforgivable and no way I could look the other way after that happened.

Although Ive never met this guy he sounds like he is only worried about himself almost every line you wrote says that and someone like this would not make for a great boyfriend. My advise, find someone that truly fills you with joy to be around, someone that leaves you wanting to wake up next to them in the morning and someone that has enough a heart to love you back just as much.
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#10
what are his redeeming qualities again?

i wouldn't put up with such shit from anybody. and i certainly wouldn't be in a relationship with him. what he's doing is some power game, in essence a way to control you. i have no idea why he's doing this, but it isn't really grounds for a healthy relationship under any circumstances.
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