Thank you for the milestone ;)

[Cinestry]

Hello everyone
I sort of felt like there are some things I should explain and clear up a bit, as I realised that the thread I posted when I’d just joined GS was a pretty dramatic and unconsidered one haha.

As I had quite a lonely and hard time as a kid and also at secondary school I decided that I wanted to go to university abroad, for some reason I thought that would give me a new start and solve all my problems.
When I got here last September I met the most amazing guy that became the best friend I’d ever had, which wasn’t very hard to achieve as he basically was my first friend.

For Christmas I went back to the Netherlands and in the last week of Christmas break this friend would come over and we would spend some days in Amsterdam and then go to my place, I can’t even describe how excited I was, I was looking forward to it so much! After 2 days in Amsterdam he started doing drugs, I said I was fine with that but that I wouldn’t do it. He freaked out and basically kicked me out of the hotel room and told me not to come back. So I took a train home. I was so disappointed and sad, especially when I had to keep telling my family why I came back so early and why my friend wasn’t there, etc. etc. it was all really painful and I was really nervous about going back to uni as I’d lost my friend. That is the time that I wrote my first post, I felt pretty much thrown into the deep which is why that thread sounded so dramatic, sorry about that btw He is still ignoring me, but I’m starting to feel okay with that.

Anyway, you guys have really helped me so much, probably way more than you can imagine. Going through GS really made me realise that I basically just really need to sort myself out when it comes to loneliness, depression, social anxiety and what not. I feel like things are getting a little better already, the point where I realised that this was definitely the case was last Wednesday. I was sitting at a parking lot with some people from the horseriding club I joined a few weeks ago and normally I would never really get into a conversation in a group, especially not if they all know each other and I don’t but for some reason I randomly replied to things without thinking about it. It sounds really pathetic but I was so surprised I was actually able to talk along haha Of course it’s not always that great yet, I mean it felt pretty sad when I had taken a photo of my favourite horse there and then didn’t have anyone to show it to and all those little things..
Okay but the real milestone I’ve reached is that today I sent out my application to spend a year studying in the US or Canada! This has been my biggest dream ever since I can remember and until a week ago I would have never done this all on my own.

I don’t know why I’m writing such a huge text haha, I think I just wanted to apologise for that mindless thread and I wanted to thank you guys so much for helping me get back on track.

[MikeW]

Well, [MENTION=22271]Cinestry[/MENTION] , I'm happy you've found GS helpful! That image of you taking a picture of your favorite horse and not having anyone to share it with IS sad! So, is there a way you can share the picture with us?? I realize it isn't the same thing as having someone IRL to show it to -- definitely something to work on there -- but it's better than nothing and a start.

When I was younger I was *very* socially awkward. I still can be at times, it depends on the situation. But mostly, beginning in my 20s, I began to learn that it really didn't matter THAT much what other people thought of me. Or put differently, *most* people didn't have much of an opinion of me one way or another unless I gave them some reason to have one -- and so, to the extent I could, I gave them a reason to like me just by being honest and friendly and willing to listen TO THEM. For sure some people didn't like me and that caused me some anxiety but eventually I just got to a place where I realized they were a small minority of people and, TBH, I mostly didn't like *them* much anyway! haha

Adult life is SO weird in some ways. Hard to explain. But eventually you realize that, assuming you begin to get out of yourself a bit and interact with people around you, *most* people are just "acquaintances" at best. People you know and perhaps spend time with. But real FRIENDS, they're a whole other thing altogether. They're people with whom we have moments of connection and occasionally share deeper stories. They are people who really want to get to know us and spend time with us warts and all. And they are usually few in number. Once you've found one, though, what you discover is that you feel connected to them. It might turn out at some point long periods of time can go by with little to no interaction with them but when you do get together or talk again, it's like you've never been apart.

Anyway, you seem like a nice enough fellow to me. You just need to begin to experiment socially -- like you did with just talking in a group of people. You'll see… eventually you learn that your particular chemistry (or personality type) fits well with certain other people but NOT everyone. This really isn't much of a judgmental statement about *you*… its just a fact of life. Not everyone is equally liked by everyone else… and moreover, it really doesn't matter all that much. Focus on finding people YOU find interesting! And welcome again to GS.

[Cinestry]

Thank you for that very nice post! it is nice to hear that it's not that unusual to have some problems with what I'm stuggling with as well.
I agree that most people are more of an acquaintance than an actual friend, but it seems that everyone is throwing the word 'friend' at everyone they ever spoke to, which makes me feel pretty self conscious about not really seeing the people I sometimes spend time with as friends. I guess it just takes time for someone to go from 'acquaintance' to 'friend' though

So, is there a way you can share the picture with us?? I realize it isn't the same thing as having someone IRL to show it to -- definitely something to work on there -- but it's better than nothing and a start.

I like that idea! No idea if this works but I'll try to add a photo of him to this post! I think he looks amazing and I love how when we are cantering everyone turns to look, because it literally sounds like someone just let some elephant loose hahah

[MikeW]

I love how when we are cantering everyone turns to look, because it literally sounds like someone just let some elephant loose hahah

I know nothing about horses but I like it

So, get someone to take a picture of you riding your friend… just ask a complete stranger, people do it all the time. Then share the pic with us!