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01-31-2015, 01:14 PM

i have been sexually active with guys for around 12 months now. Nothing serious just fun and self exploration. I am still in the closet as i only hook up with guys while away on work trips and because I have been scared how my friends and family might react, as they basically disowned my step brother a year ago for coming out (he is the only one who knows I am gay)
Is it time too tell my close friend and family I am gay or continue to hide it from them.

01-31-2015, 01:21 PM

My opinion...turn the tables on them...

I get a little angry on the behalf of all the gay people on earth who have to worry about whether or not they will be rejected because of WHO THEY ARE ....

So in response..instead of asking whether or not they will accept you...how about letting them worry about whether or not you will accept them and their homophobic asses?

If they only like you when you pretend to be someone else...they don't like you at all...so why waste another minute on them?

01-31-2015, 01:38 PM

Semaj, not to long ago I would have disagreed with east but not any more I am starting to see that life is to short to worry what people think of me ! Who cares if they don't like it if they do not then they are not your true friends and you are better off with out them !!!
Good luck and have a great day !!

01-31-2015, 01:57 PM

I know I shouldn't be worried about what they think of me, it's who I am. It is just terrifying because my step brother was basically kicked out afterwards (he was 18) and has no contact with our parents anymore. Also how do I bring it up in conversation?

01-31-2015, 02:21 PM

If it were me, personally, since they've already shown what they might do by disowning your stepbrother, I would just put it all out there in the open at once, and let their problem with it be THEIR problem. Walk away with your head held high if you have to, but don't let people's messed-up ideas and expectations stop you from being yourself and pursuing the life and love that make you happy.

But... if you don't feel comfortable with doing that just yet, you might try coming out to your most trusted friend, the one you feel would be most understanding. See how that goes. Maybe you'll feel confident enough to face your family after getting the support of a couple of close friends.

Also, if you don't already, you might want to work on developing and maintaining a good relationship with your stepbrother. The two of you could be invaluable sources of support for one another as you both face being family outcasts.

01-31-2015, 02:32 PM

Nanaki Wrote:If it were me, personally, since they've already shown what they might do by disowning your stepbrother, I would just put it all out there in the open at once, and let their problem with it be THEIR problem. Walk away with your head held high if you have to, but don't let people's messed-up ideas and expectations stop you from being yourself and pursuing the life and love that make you happy.

But... if you don't feel comfortable with doing that just yet, you might try coming out to your most trusted friend, the one you feel would be most understanding. See how that goes. Maybe you'll feel confident enough to face your family after getting the support of a couple of close friends.

Also, if you don't already, you might want to work on developing and maintaining a good relationship with your stepbrother. The two of you could be invaluable sources of support for one another as you both face being family outcasts.

Putting it all out at once is the way I want too do it, so there is no more secrets and everything is open, but it's actually starting the conversation and how too say it that's the hardest part. I am out too my closest friend in my step brother. We lived together for 6 years before he left and is the one who made me question my sexuality (there's no blood relation). He is my biggest support and best friend but is saying I shouldn't come out just yet for obvious reason.

01-31-2015, 02:35 PM

I did a video on how to come out that might be useful

You didn't mention if you lived at home but it sounds like you might have your own thing and travel a fair bit. If that's the case you may just want to bite the bullet and do it. I'd say try and approach it from a place of strength. A place where you're saying 'I know how you reacted to him but I'm not scared. I'm telling you this because I want to be open and have you in my life.' If they choose otherwise then it's totally their loss. Perhaps the second time around they'll do the work necessary to get over whatever hatred they have.

01-31-2015, 02:40 PM

Semaj Wrote:I know I shouldn't be worried about what they think of me, it's who I am. It is just terrifying because my step brother was basically kicked out afterwards (he was 18) and has no contact with our parents anymore. Also how do I bring it up in conversation?

Sometimes the dynamic of a family changes dramatically when they cast off not just one child anymore, but two. Ideally, after you tell them, your parents would reexamine their beliefs about gay people and change their minds for after all, do they REALLY want to lose TWO kids over some ridiculous, outdated ideals? IF they do, then they are DEFINITELY not worth worrying about.

Do you live with them? If so, it might be a good idea to pack up any stuff you really want to keep before you tell them, just in case. Or even arrange for you and your stuff to stay at a friend's house for a few days.

Some guys bring it up at the family dinner table or call a family meeting. Others call and come out over the phone. It just depends on how much face-to-face contact you feel comfortable with. Some guys write a letter. But, if your parents don't write back, then it could be tempting to eventually see them in person or call anyway to get their reaction. I would being the actual subject up in a simple but firm manner. Just sorta like "Mom, Dad, there's something I have to tell you. I'm gay." It's easy to be put on the defensive or apologize, but remember: you have nothing to apologize for.

Bhp91126 · 01-31-2015, 02:43 PM

Who says you have to come out? Meaning explain everything to your family and friends, asking for judgement.
Just live your life unapologetically and let them figure it out themselves. You're under no obligations there, just be ready to stand up for yourself, should the need arise. Should they ever ask, tell the truth, but somehow I doubt they will.

01-31-2015, 02:51 PM

I don't live with them but have a very close relationship with them, so did my stepbrother which is why I know I will not be treated any differently. In their eyes he is a failure and the same fate is destined for me. But living unapologeticly and waiting till they bring it up seems like the best way too do it, it's not really hiding anything then. Is it?