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01-31-2015, 02:51 PM

Also thank you everyone for being so helpful ��

01-31-2015, 02:53 PM

Semaj Wrote:I don't live with them but have a very close relationship with them, so did my stepbrother which is why I know I will not be treated any differently. In their eyes he is a failure and the same fate is destined for me. But living unapologeticly and waiting till they bring it up seems like the best way too do it, it's not really hiding anything then. Is it?

Not really. It'd be different if you had this whole double life but for the sake of family it's just something you don't talk about for a few hours it's not a big deal. We are getting closer and closer to a day when people won't have to come out.

01-31-2015, 03:16 PM

I don't be we should have to come out at all, but at this point in time, for now, we have to.

BlueStar · 01-31-2015, 04:02 PM

Semaj Wrote:I don't be we should have to come out at all, but at this point in time, for now, we have to.

Then do it!! What are you waiting for??

Pick yourself up and get the hell out of that charade. You deserve happiness Wink

01-31-2015, 04:12 PM

Semaj Wrote:i have been sexually active with guys for around 12 months now. Nothing serious just fun and self exploration. I am still in the closet as i only hook up with guys while away on work trips and because I have been scared how my friends and family might react, as they basically disowned my step brother a year ago for coming out (he is the only one who knows I am gay)

Is it time too tell my close friend and family I am gay or continue to hide it from them.

My brother came out well ahead of me and prepared the trail by blazing it and burning the bridges. I pretty much knew how well my coming out would go over - like a lead balloon. Well actually I have learned a lead balloon is possible and can fly... my coming out - not so much.

I think you have a good idea what to expect here, you already know their opinions on the gay thing.

The thing I wonder about is why it is you keep the same friends who all but disowned your Step Brother? How can you justify keeping intolerant individuals in your life and continue to associate with them?

Now I get the family - we don't choose our family. But friends - we choose those, and we can un-choose them as well.

If you are financially dependent upon the parents, then I Strongly urge you to not cut off your own nose at this time. I would instead encourage you to set about creating your own security system so you do not have to depend on them before you drop this bomb.

As for 'friends' who you know are intolerant, tell them you have decided that the way they treated your brother was unacceptable and you do not want that kind of person in your life.

This is a truth, and not a lie - however it doesn't tip your hand (yet) that you are gay, but it does cover the fact you don't want gay-intolerant individuals cluttering up your friends list.

I would set a goal of coming out - eventually, and start the process of weeding out individuals from your life who have displayed their true heart to your brother. You have a somewhat unique opportunity here to learn from the experiences of your brother, he blazed this trail for you.

01-31-2015, 10:17 PM

Bowyn Aerrow Wrote:My brother came out well ahead of me and prepared the trail by blazing it and burning the bridges. I pretty much knew how well my coming out would go over - like a lead balloon. Well actually I have learned a lead balloon is possible and can fly... my coming out - not so much.

I think you have a good idea what to expect here, you already know their opinions on the gay thing.

The thing I wonder about is why it is you keep the same friends who all but disowned your Step Brother? How can you justify keeping intolerant individuals in your life and continue to associate with them?

Now I get the family - we don't choose our family. But friends - we choose those, and we can un-choose them as well.

If you are financially dependent upon the parents, then I Strongly urge you to not cut off your own nose at this time. I would instead encourage you to set about creating your own security system so you do not have to depend on them before you drop this bomb.

As for 'friends' who you know are intolerant, tell them you have decided that the way they treated your brother was unacceptable and you do not want that kind of person in your life.

This is a truth, and not a lie - however it doesn't tip your hand (yet) that you are gay, but it does cover the fact you don't want gay-intolerant individuals cluttering up your friends list.

I would set a goal of coming out - eventually, and start the process of weeding out individuals from your life who have displayed their true heart to your brother. You have a somewhat unique opportunity here to learn from the experiences of your brother, he blazed this trail for you.

Thanks. I don't keep the same friends that rejected my brothers sexuality, I have my own friends and maybe they will take it differently. I live on my own so am not financially dependent on my parents so if I am forced to leave I will be fine in that sense.

I am just going to sit them down today while all this information is fresh in my head and tell them exactly who I am, I won't be coming out, I will be proudly telling them their son is gay and if that's not okay with them then they have no sons. My brother and I are gay and if it's just me and him left at the end of this it is fine by me. He helped me discover who I really was, helped me lift the mask of being straight to show who I really was. I hate the fact that coming out is such a big deal and that being homosexual is still so unacceptable. Thanks to everyone who posted your advice has been wonderful. I will keep everyone updated.

01-31-2015, 10:30 PM

"Coming out" isn't a political act, or some sort of grand gesture. It CAN be, but that's not the point of it. The whole point of coming out is so you can live as YOU, so you can stop living the lie. So you can tell people in your life "this is my boyfriend" or "I went out on a date with a guy". That's all. And coming out can be as simple as telling people precisely that - "this is my boyfriend" or "I went out on a date with a guy".

Lex

02-02-2015, 04:14 AM

Semaj Wrote:i have been sexually active with guys for around 12 months now. Nothing serious just fun and self exploration. I am still in the closet as i only hook up with guys while away on work trips and because I have been scared how my friends and family might react, as they basically disowned my step brother a year ago for coming out (he is the only one who knows I am gay)
Is it time too tell my close friend and family I am gay or continue to hide it from them.

I am living the same life, sadly

02-02-2015, 04:30 AM

Semaj, as a fellow young gay guy, I wanna offer this. If you ever need someone, who doesn't know a thing about you or your situation, to talk to please don't hesitate to PM me. I recently came out, actually gonna hit the year mark in a couple months. Any way, I wish the best of luck in whatever you do!!!!!!!!!! Smile

02-02-2015, 04:47 AM

East Wrote:If they only like you when you pretend to be someone else...they don't like you at all...so why waste another minute on them?

^^^
Pretty much the motto of my life.

And trust me, life is MUCH simpler when you choose to be yourself and let everyone else decide if they like the genuine you, as opposed to trying to be someone you're not just to be liked... for being someone you're not.

As for if it's time to come out? None of us can tell you that. It's something I think you'll know inside yourself. That said, I think if you're actually thinking about it and considering it? Then the answer is yes.