Over 40 And Single

[Iceblink]

Hello and welcome to the forum!

Sorry for the loss of your partner. It really makes me think. I've been with mine for 12 years now and if I were to lose him, I don't know what I would do. In my younger years, the dating, the many hookups, the hunt for it, the short term relationships, the ones that lasted longer, despite sometimes meeting some truly awful guys, for the most part it was a lot of fun and I enjoyed that part of my life, but at 48, I do not know if I would have the patience any longer for dating. However, 48 seems too young to spend the rest of life single, and so is 54, so I really feel for you. One thing I would have to remember, it was a long road of hits and misses and lot of kissing of frogs on the road to meet my prince, so despite not wanting to do it, I would have to force myself to have that patience all over again.

I notice you call yourself a bear and that you are in L.A. If you are not already, have you thought about planning some weekends in Palm Springs? There is an older crowd here, there is less of that pretty-culture you see in the gay clubs of many larger cities, and there is quite a large bear scene here. The middle of this month is a huge weekend here when they have the International Bear Convergence. I'm not sure if calling yourself a bear means that is also what you are into when looking for men, but if it is, why not go where those that you seek are?

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Around 28 I ripped out my biological clock once it started doing that ticking thing.

Now around 48 I have ripped out what is left of my heart and have become blissfully unaware of men in general thus lack any and all desire to get into another 'romance' with anyone. I have been around other guys who point out the 'cute' guys and other gay men in the parking lots and other places. I failed to notice these fellas. Clearly I no longer give a damn.

After 6 relationships I have learned that there is no way to force that disease we call love to happen. It is my experience and my observation that love tends to happen at the worst possible time, when you least expect it. It kinda sorta creeps up behind you and proceeds to bash your head in. Then it proceeds to cause all manner of insanity, driving people to make huge mistakes, to set aside their personal life goals like education and career to the side to go foolishly pursuing love.

Most of the people I know who are looking (and often looking hard) for a mate tend to report the same issues of 'they all want just sex'. Its my theory that the smell of desperation draws the sex-driven ones like flies are drawn to shit. IDK, perhaps they think that if you are this needy to be with someone that they can use you to their pleasure and discard you when finished with you?

When - if - love is to happen it will happen. I suggest enjoying your single-tude and pursing those things that you have always desired to pursue but were held down by ye old ball and chain. Enjoy being able to lay diagonally across the bed, enjoy being able to sit on the couch in your boxers and watch 'the game'. Be happy that you can eat when you want, where you want and how you want and not have to answer to the whining nagging voice of a partner who 'worries' that you are eating too much salt, fats, sugars or chocolate.

Enjoy it while it lasts, I assure you once you start really enjoying your freedom of being single some bastard will slide up into your life and cause you to fall in love and then take each and every bit of freedom you had away.

[matty7]

well im in my 40's and on without a partner...I wouldn't ever say alone as I have many friends but I agree that finding someone special is a bit of a lottery...someone always wins but I guess we have to wait our turn and be very lucky, other wise u get three numbers and a prize that's fun for one night only...its good but not love

[Beaux]

Hiya! Welcome to the forum!
~Beaux

[Virge]

Hey [MENTION=22377]1960SingleBear[/MENTION]. Welcome to GS!

There's no shortage of good people here and a bunch of them have already commented. I hope you hang around and get to know us.

[LJay]

I see your singlehood and raise you more than a decade.

Frankly, it makes sense to me, if you can get them, to go for the one night stands as a way to meet people. A bit vapid as a habit, but more potential than saying no.

Welcome here. Believe me, you have company and we are glad of yours.

[1960SingleBear]

well im in my 40's and on without a partner...I wouldn't ever say alone as I have many friends but I agree that finding someone special is a bit of a lottery...someone always wins but I guess we have to wait our turn and be very lucky, other wise u get three numbers and a prize that's fun for one night only...its good but not love

Thanks so much for that! I do agree... and I feel like the luckiest guy in the world as far as family and friends - I really do. And I've been in some very loving relationships and treasured them... But like you also mentioned it's hard to find that special someone (not impossible) but hard and THAT type of loneliness is hard. But I do fine most of the time. I pray personally and ask God to please bring that special someone into my life. I have to believe that is will happen at least one more time in my life. Well thank you again so much for the nice message and words of encouragement!! That means so much to me! -Jim

[1960SingleBear]

HA! I love this so much!! Absolutely start a group of all of us like-minded people that feel this way and have either a support group to meet each week... OR like you start dating within that group! What a FANTASTIC suggestion... Thanks!

[1960SingleBear]

THANK YOU.....

And YES, I skate!

[1960SingleBear]

I just wanted to say THANK YOU to all the guys who have responded and also just mention that I don't know what is wrong with me because I've tried to respond to different posts on here and I JUST DON'T KNOW how to navigate this site... All I get are these weird error messages that I just don't understand to save my life! Then I try and just send a message privately to the individual person and I still get a weird error message too... I have left "quotes" to some messages but I don't see the quotes right next to the message so not even sure THAT person will know where my response to them is??? It's just so frustrating. Just know that there were 3 other guys here that I tried to send private message to and/or leave comments and just finally gave up because I just can't figure this stuff out... I really just wanted to thank all of you personally and respond to each of you individually. I had some questions and comments I wanted to make back. Unfortunately I was not able to do this so I apologize to all the ones who I had intended to send messages too.... I'm very sorry men!