How to connect and show empathy with someone of a completely different background?

[sethmachine]

I think an important part of a successful relationship and dating is being able to relate to someone / be empathetic.

How does one accomplish this if the person they are interested in has a completely different background / set of values / life experiences?

For example, if I'm completely straight edge--no drinking, no smoking, no drugs, no partying, very academic / nerdy / geeky, how do I connect with someone my age who does drink / recreational drugs / parties and has been less successful in employment / career (e.g. unemployed or didn't go to school)? When I say connect, the assumption is that we've already been on a date or two already, and I mean for something to take off.

[Iceblink]

Sorry to not offer words of encouragement, but I just don't see how this relationship would work out. Not judging others for who they are or the way they live their lives and having empathy for other people does not necessarily mean we have a relationship with those people. Differences like the way a person dresses, choices in music, one person liking sports and the other not, those are the kind of differences we can live with and learn and grow from, but what you describe are very profound, view-of-the-world-and-life type differences that I don't think can be reconciled between two people within a romantic relationship. There is someone out there for both of you, but I'm not sure if it is each other.

[MikeW]

I think an important part of a successful relationship and dating is being able to relate to someone / be empathetic. ...

Well, but, is this a hypothetical question you're asking just out of curiosity, or are you describing a very real -- or at least potentially real -- situation?

Hypothetically in the abstract I don't know why I'd be interested in someone with whom I had little to nothing in common.

That said, If what we're talking about is an actual, or potential, situation, tell me -- what is it about this guy that interests you? Is he as interested in you as you are in him? Do you hang out together? Do you do things together? Do you like one another? If so, what about one another do you like?

See… my point is, in the hypothetical abstract we can go wherever our imagination allows us to go… but in the actual reality of every day life, it's different. If I'm interested in someone, there must be something about them that *interests me*. So, what is that? And, just because I'm *interested* in someone, doesn't necessarily mean I can relate to their social history or current social situation. I can try to -- but that has to be a two-way street. If he isn't interested in getting to know *me,* my life, interests, values, etc., then -- well, what is the point of it? Might be good for a shag but a *relationship*? I don't think so.

Welcome to the forum BTW.

[meridannight]

have sex with him. repeatedly. that will help with both, connecting and empathy.

[TwisttheLeaf]

How does one accomplish this if the person they are interested in has a completely different background / set of values / life experiences?

You see that bolded text up there ^^ ?

That's what will be the kiss of death to a relationship.... every time.

Welcome to GS, man.