Do you ever find yourself wishing you had . . .

[MikeW]

something profound and interesting to say? Or, some witty or funny comment to make?

It just boggles my mind that much of the time I really have nothing to say at all. Sometimes I'll reply to something someone else has asked or said… but I seldom start threads of my own… cuz, really, I don't have anything to say.

My life is boring even to ME.. so I know damn well it would bore everyone else to tears.

Well, "boring" may not be exactly the right word to describe it. It's just *ordinary*… very rare that anything truly INTERESTING (much less exciting) happens in my world. TRUE, there was that encounter with the college freshman back in September, but THAT kind of thing is about as frequent as getting struck by lightening. And although I consider myself a creative type, *making shit up* has never been my strong suit. I wish I cold write creatively… I mean plot, character, dialogue, that kind of thing. The best I can do is shaggy dog monlogues.

Anyway… just starting a thread to start a thread. I have nothing to say at all.

But, if you've read this far and aren't totally bored yet… maybe I will go on…. I mean, I have nothing else to do, right? It's a Friday night, I'm home alone, it's 8:34PM, have smoked a little hasheesh -- just enough to get toasty -- and, well, I might as well write, right?

Today, February 13th, 2015, here in Berkeley, CA it got up to over 75°. That is rather unusual. Of course, we here in the Bay Area don't have the brutal Februarys that much of the midsection of the USA do. Our winters are relatively mild due to the presence of gulf currents in the Pacific Ocean. BUT, that said, on the other hand, usually the daytime temperatures here this time of year are 10 to 20 degrees cooler.

It's been an amazing day. I've walked 8.64 miles. I know this because my boss bought me a FitBit for my birthday, so I've been tracking my walks. I'm averaging about 5 miles a day. As of a couple weeks ago, I'm also back to going to the gym on a regular basis. About 2 years ago I was in great shape and was working out and walking a lot. But then I fell into a difficult time and was very depressed -- lot of stupid shit going on in my life -- and I stopped working out. Just had no motivation to do it at all. Consequently I gained way more wait than I like having -- so I've been working really hard at changing that. I've changed a lot of my eating habits, am now going to the gym two days a week (soon 3, then 4), I am walking a lot more again, and have begun to get my weight down. So… all this is good.

It was such a beautiful day, after walking to and from my Drs appointment this morning, I came home, packed my laptop into a back pack, and headed for my favorite coffee shop.



It's just four blocks from my apartment, and right across the street from the UC Berkeley campus. Since it was such nice weather, although I would be getting there by 11AM, I figured it would be crowded. It was… totally packed.. BUT some guardian angel saw to it that I was provided a table as soon as I walked onto the patio. I spent a good hour replying to emails, one thing and another, while drinking a mocha and chomping on a almond croissant. Now, of course, BOTH of those items are on my dietary *no can have* list, LOL!! But I've been good, so, this --being there out of doors this time of year in the midst of all the energy of the faculty and students -- was a way of treating myself. I *have* been good for the past month and more!

After that I walked home, fixed myself a tuna salad (no bread) and then took a nap for about an hour. I'd only gotten about 6 hours of sleep, having gotten up at 6AM. It was nice having all the windows open for fresh air.

When I woke up I decided to go for another walk so I hiked up the hill a ways to the Golden Bear Rec Center. Again, not that far from where I live. A bit further up the hill from the center itself is the Clark Kerr Track:



Several things are really nice about it… 1) it's only about a quarter mile from my place; 2) it has a great view of the bay, San Francisco and the Golden Gate bridge; 3) it's a dirt track and last but hardly least; 4) there are almost always hot college guys jogging around it. In this weather, with their shirts off!

I don't run.. I wish I *could* but I've never been into running and at my age and carrying about 30lbs more flab than I *want* to be, I just don't feel good about it. However, I *do* walk very fast… especially on the track (sidewalks can be a bit more treacherous). I can get up to 3.5 to 4 miles per hour. Not bad for pushing 70! Especially given that I can keep it up… I have pretty good endurance when I'm motivated (as opposed to feeling utterly depressed and shit). So, I walked around the track 8 times, headed back to my apartment, and then went out yet AGAIN for another walk… I mean, the weather was just so nice I didn't want to be in doors. I have a balcony I could sit on, but it faces north and *I* want sunshine!

My one regret is that I don't live in a warmer climate than the Bay Area. Don't get me wrong. It is lovely here. It's just, well, on average about 10° cooler than I would prefer it to be. I love it when the temperatures get up in the low 80s. It almost NEVER does here (it will a few days a year, but usually no more than 5 or 6). It's like perpetual springtime… nice but I miss the sultriness of hot weather.

That comes from having grown up in the rural mid-west and running wild as a kid in the summertime. I loved it when we'd have warm summer rains. I'd literally go running naked in them. I don't know, my brain just has a lot of erotic memories tied up with hot summer nights. When the temperature gets up toward 80, I get energized and my 'juices' start flowing.

So, after I got back from all that, I cooked myself enough food to see me through the weekend. I work on the weekends and if I don't prepare my lunch and dinner before hand, I always end up eating something I shouldn't out of laziness. I cooked a bunch of boneless skinless chicken breasts and vegetables. I just partially cook the veggies so they're still very 'crisp' -- that way they don't get all soggy when I microwave them to warm them up.

See how BORING this all is?

A day in the fucking life, you know?

Oh… In my spare moments -- like when waiting in my Drs office -- I'm reading "White Hand Society." I've recently been on a bit of a nostalgia kick for the 1960s and have been reading a lot about the history of that period. It's quite interesting. I've thought a couple times of starting threads on some of what I've been reading but, then again I've thought, "but, I mean, really, besides you, WHO CARESS?" LOL… I'm sure a few of you might find it momentarily interesting but it for sure wouldn't mean to you what it does to me.

It's one of the weird things about getting old. You look back on your life -- if you're lucky enough to survive. Most people do, but not everyone, you know?

For me it is very strange. It's like, I know my past happened to me but much of its seems so far away, so remote, almost as if it happened to someone else. I was walking by a hospital earlier today and I remembered that I had been IN that hospital years ago, probably not long after I moved here in the early 1970s, but for the life of me, I couldn't remember WHY I'd been there. Some vague memory of visiting someone who was a patient--but no memory of who could have been.

One thing I learned after the death of my first partner -- which, btw, was exactly 18 years ago TODAY.



-- is that no matter how long you live, LIFE IS SHORT. Very, very, very short.

It's just one of the peculiar things about existing as a human being, right? I mean, the galaxy -- hell, life right here on earth -- is BILLIONS of years old. Our lives, compared to that, are like ZERRO. We might almost not even bother to exist by comparison. And that's just the temporal dimension.

Ah, isn't hasheesh grand? I love the stuff, you know? One of the histories I've been reading is how SO MUCH hash made its way into the US back in my late teens, early 20s. I don't want to get TOO far off topic (whatever the topic might be?) but I've read TWO books on this subject. They're both about The Brotherhood of Eternal Love, and what a strange and interesting tale that is. To me, anyway. I've thought of starting a thread on it but, again, not sure anyone else would 'get' it… what "revolution" are they talking about again?

Ah, memories, sweet memories.

But life, you know, is to be lived in the here and now, right?

It's all about what's happening right this very moment in your life. Of course, if you've read THIS FAR, I duno… I'm inclined to think maybe you don’t have much of a life, either. I mean why on earth are you sitting here reading THIS when you could be out living, having fun, getting laid or something? Lord knows, if you live long enough, there will be plenty of time to idle away what little time you have left with trivial pursuits!

________________________________________________________________

[SIZE="7"][COLOR="Red"]^^^^^^^^
The above is a sort of
a warped Valentine
from the deranged mind
of Mike W. [/COLOR][/SIZE]



Oh, and speaking of eating on the couch…

[LONDONER]

something profound and interesting to say? Or, some witty or funny comment to make?

It just boggles my mind that much of the time I really have nothing to say at all. Sometimes I'll reply to something someone else has asked or said… but I seldom start threads of my own… cuz, really, I don't have anything to say.

And although I consider myself a creative type, *making shit up* has never been my strong suit. I wish I cold write creatively… I mean plot, character, dialogue, that kind of thing. The best I can do is shaggy dog monlogues.

Hi Mike:

Well, I read through the whole of your post and it was far from boring and it gives lie to your statements above. What might seem to you to be the minutiae of your life can be interesting to other people. Keep on posting and you'll be surprised how other people react.

Congratulations on returning to the gym, one of the best ways to combat depression.

[bluedragon]

Hi MikeW,

Nah, I don't think your life is boring. You are an interesting person to me.

You have lots of valuable experiences which you kindly share with us in this forum from time to time. I enjoyed reading this thread ( and also came across the statement that whoever read this far maybe has not much of a life :p hahaha. I agree to that lol.)

I would say your day went interesting. Since you mentioned that you cook, why not join a beginners cooking class nearby you? You can learn to cook more interesting,delicious dishes and have a wonderful meal at home.

I would like to say, be proud of yourself. You are making efforts to exercise and you are doing great by going to the gym and walking.

Yup, life is mysterious. We never know what the future has for us. But, lets hope that the future has happy and blissful returns waiting for us.

Wishing you a happy valentines' day too! *hugs*

[Hardheaded1]

Hi, Mike.

I'm not sure insulting your readers with the get-a-life thought is fair.

And, my sympathies on the anniversary of your partner's passing.

Can't speak to the hash. Not a drinker here, or a smoker.

As for excitement, what do you do to get out of your comfort zone? Ordinariness seems like a euphemism or synonym for sameness, or rut. Get out of it. Turn the wheel and the car follows.

Some of us grew up with excitement and drama of the unwanted kind, so we cherish the calm.

[Butterfingers]

Hello Mike,
I haven't been high or copped a buzz since 1971, I must admit that it is tempting. I like you have a nostalgia for the '60's. As I see it there was some misguided thinking, but at least people cared. We had a vision of a world without war, poverty or hate, pretty lofty ideals, but hell, we have to have a vision or the people perish as the good book says.
Today it seems that the thought (I use the term in a generous fashion) is "what's in it for me" we see a lot of self centered narrow minded thinkers today.
I have read your post of being gay in 1964 at 16, I found it to be quite interesting, I did not embrace my gayness, I fled from it. It's a long story, I will spare you the details, but I am married, have a son etc. No regrets, just wish I had accepted who I was when I was 15 and knew that I was "you know" .
I am sorry about this being the anniversary of your partners death, I wish you the very best!

[Lexington]

A bunch of topics all rolled into one. My thoughts as I get them.

Sometimes, I don't have anything interesting or profound to say. When that happens, I'm content to be a listener. At times that's completely passive. I read other threads, or nod appropriately in live conversations. Other times, it's a bit more active. I "thank" the post, or say "really?" or "wow, that's cool" as appropriate. Or perhaps I'll ask a question or two. "Then what happened?" "Did you have fun?" "How did that get resolved?"

Does this make me feel inadequate? Not at all. Why should it? Conversations need listeners, or else they're just soliloquies. And I don't consider my conversations to be competitions. We're not playing "can you top this?" We're just talking, and quite often, it's the other people who have the more interesting things to say.

On messageboards, I post quite a bit, but I rarely start threads. I think this is because I like to participate, but I don't feel much like directing. Whether the topic is music or "my most embarrassing moment", or "best sex ever", I can usually find something to contribute. I'll skip over threads about TV shows I don't watch, for instance, because I have nothing to add there. But I can usually weigh in on most topics.

Now on to the next bit - being witty/interesting/profound.

Back in college, I did some work at events where somebody would give a talk. These talks were delightfully old-fashioned, even back then. It was often somebody who had travelled somewhere exotic or done something out of the ordinary, and they were invited to give a talk on same. It wasn't quite "The White Hunter gives a lecture on Up The Amazon", but it wasn't far off of that.

Here's the thing. The talks were usually dull. Because although these people had done extraordinary things, they were not extraordinary raconteurs. They may have explored the unexplored, but their way of relaying the information was about as interesting as hearing about a guy picking a movie from the rental store.

Related point. On another messageboard, I used to ieep an occasional blog. Just random ramblings about whatever I happened to want to write about. It was good practice for my online "raconteuring". My most popular blog entry there wasn't the one about my travel to Europe, or encounter with somebody famous. It was the one about my occasional trips to Burger King. I used to regularly find a newspaper there that somebody had scrawled stuff into the margins on. And I wondered aloud (or in print, I guess) who would do this, and discussed how I reacted to it. That got a bigger and better reaction than "So I went to Europe".

Moral of last two points, as I steal a phrase from Roger Ebert. It's not what it's about - it's how it's about what it's about. I've listened to fascinating discusions about mundane things, and mundane discussions about fascinating things. Never think "nobody would be interested in this." Think instead "can I make this compelling?"

Next topic. My life is boring as hell, to an outside observer. If they decided to make a reality show about me, the cameramen would probably nod off two hours into filming. There's a lot of reading, a lot of looking at stuff online, a lot of listening to music, a lot of aimless wandering, a lot of daydreaming. But see, I'm not living my life to be interesting to some non-existent viewing audience. I'm living it for me. And I LOVE my life. I love my reading and puttering around and thrift store forays. Not because they make for great conversation topics (they don't) but because they make me happy. And fundamentally, I think that's the complete and utter point to life.

Someone said something really nice to me this past week. I was chatting with a woman whom I had had dinner with in a larger group the previous week. She said "Jack (her boyfriend) told me when we left dinner, 'Man, I love being with Lex. He's just such fun to be with.'" My last three activities with Jack and his girlfriend were that dinner, playing trivia at a bar, and hanging out playing board games. None of which are very exciting on paper. It's not like I'm impressing them with wonderfully diverse activities. Again, it probably isn't interesting to the outside observer ("board games? more like BORED games, amirite?") but it doesn't have to be. It just has to be interesting to US.

Do I get bored with my life? On occasion. I'm assuming I wouldn't have started trying stand-up comedy or blogging or even GaySpeak if I was 100% satisfied. But the thing is - I went out and tried stand-up. I started the blog. I started an account here. I didn't jus find my life lacking in some way - I got proactive about attempting to rectify that. And taht's sonething I do to some degree pretty much all the time. Always trying to make my life kick a bit more ass.

Your post was interesting. Scattershot and lengthy, but interesting. You probably had the makings of at least four separate threads in there. Yeah, you closed poorly by responding angrily to hecklers you didn't even have ("I may be boring, but you're boring-ervfor reading!"). But other than that, you sort of disproved your original point. No, your life isn't fascinating to most outside observers. But tat doesn't mean you can't converse about it, and do so in an engaging way.

Lex

[Rareboy]

We're glad to have you add to any thread...you always have something of real value and often very profound to contribute.

I am so sorry for the loss of your partner so many years ago...right on the cusp of Valentine's Day. As someone who almost died on Valentine's day in 1994....and with a best friend whose husband actually did have a fatal heart attack on this day...it almost seems cruel that the holiday exists as a reminder every year of loss of loved partners.....but it also remains a testament to the strength of the human heart and soul.

This year...why not make the decision to step outside your comfort zone and embark on a trip or adventure or some pursuit that you have always passed up. As you say, life is short....so if it is a trip to Khatmandu....or learning a new language or S&M....this is the year to go for it!

Hugs.

[MikeW]

Thanks all… I appreciate the replies. Don't have the time ATM to reply to each one… just know they are appreciated. Especially [MENTION=21778]Lexington[/MENTION], your point on ordinary things being said or written in an interesting way, is well taken. Be careful what you ask for!

And my apologies if anyone was offended with my "have no life" jab. Its just how I feel about myself sometimes.

And [MENTION=21866]Hardheaded1[/MENTION] , out of my comfort zone??? What's THAT???? :eek: LOL!

[Wolfpack]

You are not boring MikeW , and if you put your mind to it like you have with your post you have plenty of interesting things to say. I bet you have a whole life of stories that we would love to hear.