Reflections

[J0shuaRay7]

Does he look forever
Everywhere, high and low?
But here and there, ever never
Never ever will he find
In the search for more and better,
He'll never find the world he left behind.
He fears to fall asleep
Because he'll have to wake.
And when he wakes he might find
He left all he loved and needed,
What truly matters, in the reality he left behind.
So focused on where he wants to go.
No time to take in what he has.
Living in the clouds of fantasy
Will he find the time to enjoy the moments before they pass?
In a world of men marching in their own directions
Too busy, no time for reflections.
Men that build their walls and never speak.
Do those walls hide the secrets we keep?
Afraid to show sympathy, to appear weak.
Do they know loss or do they never weep?
In the confines of the darkest corners of our souls,
Hidden from reality any glimpse of innocence.
Harboring takes it's toll
And any recognition results in violence.
Amidst their secrets and lies,
Their walls block any chance of compromise.
And in the infinite search for more of what doesn't matter,
Hoarding the material and superficial,
Time and truth does shatter
The image that isn't real.
Only then do we see we sacrificed all we needed for all we wanted
And discovered we're not perfect when we're forced to feel.
Hidden, buried inside me,
The anger grew.
And although they said they loved me,
How could they love what they never knew?
It was easier to walk away.
For they couldn't accept what they didn't see.
And I couldn't find the words to say
That they only knew pieces, but not all of me.
In the day of my final judgment
I will be faced with who I am
And answer for every sin.
Hopefully he'll show mercy
Because I didn't bend my knee to any man.
But I know now the only thing to say
When I approach my Father that day.
"I'm sorry for all I trampled*
While trying to get where I was going,
Scattered, shattered, thirsted for knowing.
Searching, grasping, crawling and finally glad."
Yet I know the only words I'll be able to say,
"Is that I'm grateful for the time I had."

[Hardheaded1]

Does he look forever

Thanks for sharing your poem.

Reconciling Christianity and homosexuality is a challenge for many men in this century of transition for both.

Your poems seems to convey angst at being disconnected, obstructed socially. Do you see that as a personal issue you face, or in broader terms? Do you think you are representative of a class of men today?

Do you discuss this feeling and perception with other believers, other gays, other writers?

[J0shuaRay7]

Thanks for sharing your poem.

Reconciling Christianity and homosexuality is a challenge for many men in this century of transition for both.

Your poems seems to convey angst at being disconnected, obstructed socially. Do you see that as a personal issue you face, or in broader terms? Do you think you are representative of a class of men today?

Do you discuss this feeling and perception with other believers, other gays, other writers?

I am more than comfortable discussing it. I would say I am disconnected by choice largely because society appears to be more focused on what they want and where they are going rather than on what they have and can touch. Which, in my opinion, is disrespectful to the Creator. More value is placed on the after life than on life. To believe in God is to believe that He exists and that all things were created by Him and should be respected by us, even if we are to have control over his creations. Also, we live in a society where people rank sins and place priorites based on their own pursuits. But a true believer would have to believe that God would rank sins based on the Commandments. Those would have to hold the greatest value to Him. Of course, such a theory benefits me more and would probably be selfish because as a gay man, why would I covet my neighbors wife and who still has male servants?

[Hardheaded1]

In my experience, the use of "true believers" as a concept is a dangerous assessment. I've can recall no time that I have heard it that it didn't involve some sort of inherent distrust, usually broadly applied, of fellow Christians.

To observe that any particular variant of belief exists is unsurprising when one considers the great proliferation of sects and churches.

My sectarian background has been varied within Christianity, and I am averse from pronouncements or critiques of "them" when looking at the spiritual landscape. The onus is for us to look at our own failures before working on the world's. And I don't think "not pure enough" is a good place to start.