How do I get over my stupid fears?

[Arkansota]

As you all know, my brain tends to love dwelling on things that are really, really stupid.

For instance, my worries that I could somehow be wrong about my sexuality even though I am not attracted to women.

Or my fear that Arkansas will be considered Midwest.

Neither of these are things that are actually going to happen, so how do I get myself to stop dwelling on them? The reason why I ask is because it's annoying to be afraid of things that will never have an impact on my life and yet these 2 topics keep getting me riled up and worried.

By the way, hi guys nice to see ya

[matty7]

you just have to accept that you get irrational fears...they are real and upsetting to you but you need to remind yourself that they are not they are not going to change you or your life in any way and try to forget them by distracting yourself till your thoughts move on

[East]

It sounds like you might have OCD or something similar. Talk to a therapist to get a professional diagnosis and learn how to cope with it.

[Lexington]

When it comes to sexuality, I think there comes a time you stop analyzing, and you start going on your conclusions. If you're not attracted to women, and you are attracted to guys, go date guys, go have sex with guys, go get into relationships with guys. (It looks as though you're doing this part.) Might you be "wrong"? Could you actually be bisexual or even straight and not know it? Sure, anything's possible. If at some point, you find yourself only attracted to women, fine - start dating women instead. But don't wait around to see if it happens. Don't succumb to analysis paralysis. Just go enjoy what you enjoy now.

...I have no idea why Arkansas being part of the Midwest would be anything more than a cursory question to one's self, though.

Lex

[Rareboy]

I think that the only thing you can do is speak with a qualified psychotherapist.

I get that you may have unfounded concerns about sexuality that you need to have reassurance about...but there is no doubt that being worried that Arakansas would be considered mid-west or not is an extremely irrational fear...because it has no actual consequence to you or anyone else. To be pre-occupied by issues that have no consequence would seem to signify that you need practical help in overcoming this.

My fear is that left untended, the range of irrational fears could grow and you would not have the resources to deal with them rationally. A psych-therapist can help you develop the ability to work through irrational fears.

[LJay]

How could Arkansas possibly be anything but Arkansas? DEFINITELY not the Midwest.

[Wolfpack]

Consider going to see a therapist they will help you find more helpful and constructive ways of thinking.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

You and I have gone around on this subject.

I'll let you in on a secret, there is no one size fit all set of tools that can be thrown out here to deal with this sort of behavior.

This means that how I deal with my compulsive tendencies and obsession thoughts may not (most likely will not) work for you.

Part of the issue is how we both reached our OCD issues. Yours is via Aspergers , mine is via abuse and 'programing' via that abuse. The other part of the issue is that you obsess about A, B, C and I obsess over X, Y and C - meaning we may have a few common obsessions, but OCD is not just working on one obsession/compulsion by itself, but taking the whole spectrum of what it is one obsesses/is compulsive over.

Aspergers /Autistic people have this tendency to be OCD on some things - its just part and parcel of the issue. You most likely need to address other aspects of Aspergers and through learning coping mechanisms to deal with those other aspects you will get helpful tools that will help you to cope and manage the OCD part.

In times past I pushed you toward 'normalizing' and studying the human species and how this society works and operates and learn to mimic them. The 'acting' of being human goes a long way with dealing with many aspects of Aspergers. My Nephew had several breakthroughs with his branch of OCD tendencies through learning how to cope with other aspects of his Aspergers. he is a good actor, he can do the whole small talk thing, curb his enthusiasm, allow others to speak, etc - its an all act, he still had the tendencies of Aspergers but has learned how to play the role of 'average human being'.

Perhaps that is what you need? IDK - I'm not around you, I don't get to see the whole spectrum of 'symptoms' you have when it comes to your Aspergers.

Assuming for a moment that you are a bit more complex and have other issues driving the obsessions - then you need to find the root cause of why X is as important to you as it is, Discovering 'why I do X' for OCD is half the battle in identifying when you are doing X and being able to rationalize yourself away from acting on the obsession.

This is really something you need to work with with a specialist, a psychotherapist. IDK, maybe anxiety drugs will help? Today I got my prescription for Zoloft which is to help with depression, PTSD and even my OCD Tendencies. So I know that there are drugs out there that help with OCD.

You got to understand though that no drug is going to CURE OCD or any other disorder, the drugs help to manage and cope and work through OCD moments and other stuff.

If its really this bothersome to you, then do by all means talk to a psycho-therapist, one with an MD and see what she/he suggests in the way of medications and of course insist on that referal to a counselor, a therapist - someone you can talk to and learn important tools, tools that can be tailored to address your particular sticking points so you can cope, reduce the length and severity of the obsession(s), work around them, perhaps even lessen their power over you to the point where when you have an episode you can readily identify it and then proceed to dismiss it and move on with your day.

[TitanicTweedy]

I think seeing people will give you tools. You need to be very open which takes trust, and if you feel that your trust is broken (it happened to me) don't throw the tools in the bin.

Generally it all centers on "mindfulness" - recognising your behaviour while it is happening and channeling, refuting, pushing through it - and MOST of all accepting it every time and living with it.

You can't be perfect all the time, and you'll only get better over time - so be happy with every success and accept every failure and find something else to dwell on than the failures ;-) the only benefit of general anxiety is learning to be able to redirect it at something else to at least mitigate the damage.

Anyway that's obviously based upon my experience trying to get better over about 8 years with lots of introverted hermit periods, failures, but happier day to day :-)

[Pyromancer]

So yeah...and if the Arbitrary Lords of Geography should issue an edict making Arkansas a Midwestern state, why exactly would that be so bad...? Just curious...