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Lost virginity after 2 weeks. Messed up. Need help.
#1
Hello. This is my first post. I made an account and everything because I would really appreciate some advice right now. I apoligize if this is the wrong pace to post this, I'm a little new here. I'm just seeking help.

I am an 18 year old boy who happens to be gay, and I'm a senior in hs. I met this guy almost 3 weeks ago. He's a junior in hs. we have a lot in common, and could talk for hours. We hit it off immediately. We'd spend every day together for hours. He even met my parents, and I met his. We were pretty into each other- so much so that we could help but going down on each other after the 2nd date.

It seemed like a great relationship, however we were sort of rushing things. I was a virgin before I met him, but he'd had a few boyfriends before me (who he's had sex with). We like each other a lot though and it was going well.

He slept over at my house a few days ago because there was a huge snowstorm and I didn't want to drive him home with the roads in a shitty condition (great excuse, right?). So anyway... this was a little over 2 weeks after we'd met. We decided to get drunk, so we each had about 5-6 shots of whiskey. We're pretty horny and he starts dry humping me. We get naked, still just humping. I feel ready, so I toss him a condom and he fucks me. We spent the next 2 hours talking, laughing and just watching youtube videos and stuff.

Anyway- here's the shitty part. He just texted me apologizing for how "he" rushed things, and that it was too soon, and he messed up. He's saying how he's still "in love" with his ex. I calm him down, but he says when we met he was rebounding, and that he still has feelings for his ex. I ask him in he even likes me and he says he does. I like him a lot too, so much that I felt like I would love him someday, and our relationship would last a while (for me, a while is months, as I'll go to college in August). Anyway, i feel like he's trying to break up with me so I tell him that we rushed, and we need to slow down and get to know each other better. He agreed, so we decided to hang out next week and just get to know each other better.

What I think was going through his mind was that he wants to break up, but he took my virginity, so he's in pretty deep now (sorry about the pun). I like him, and he says he likes me. We are going to meet p next week and just hang out (since I'm out of town for the next few days).

tl;dr dated 2 weeks; sex; he's freaking out now.

I would really appreciate some help on this. What do you make of it? Any advice? Did I do the right thing? I'm trying to salvage our relationship because we really are good together. Thank you.
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#2
it does sound like he broke up with you, if you do decide to go after him again, keep in mind that he is still in love with his ex who he has a history with and there may still be chemistry there stronger than what you two have. also keep in mind that you'll be leaving for college soon, there will be plenty of available guys there. as far as losing your virginity, it seems like everyone either loses it when they thought they weren't ready or hang on to it for so long they forgot why they did, just have fun and stay safe.
[Image: tumblr_n60lwfr0nK1tvauwuo2_250.gif]
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#3
Ingas Wrote:Hello. This is my first post. I made an account and everything because I would really appreciate some advice right now.
Welcome to the forum.

Advice #1 : Don't use texting as a way of clarifying *anything* in a friendship/relationship. Ever. Use either voice, video chat or, best, in person. Why: So you can hear inflection and see body language.

Advice #2 : Don't *assume* you understand exactly what someone means about something as important and complicated as a friendship/relationship from text. You may be reading it exactly right, you may not.

Beyond that: From what you've said, it sounds to me like he's being HONEST with you -- which, is actually a GOOD thing. (You probably don't know how *rare* that is.) It is also good that he's agreed to hang out with you next week. I hope he keeps that commitment. It will give you both an opportunity to TALK about your feelings -- whatever they may be.

The best advice I can give you is to listen to what he has to say and don't over-react to any of it. Consider that at this point, although you've been sexually intimate, you are "just dating." "Just dating" is NOT "going steady" or an agreement to be monogamous, either sexually or emotionally. It is a time to get to know one another, and how you feel about each other. It is actually a gift that he's being honest. I would thank him for that. I would be honest with him, let him know how I feel -- that I like him a lot and would like to continue seeing him -- or whatever is true for you. From that, just take it as it comes. You, yourself, say you're not looking for a long-term relationship at this point. Does he know that? If not, I believe you should share that with him.

Finally, you need to feel out within yourself how you would feel about his still having feelings for his ex… how important is that to you? Is there any reason why you can't be FWBs (understanding that neither of you may be ready for monogamy at this point)? Or, do you feel that you'd be jealous and uncomfortable with that kind of friendship/relationship. Be honest with yourself (however you feel is ok… it is how you feel) and be ready to share that honesty with him.

Good luck! And keep coming back to the forum, let us know how things go and if you have any other questions don't hesitate to ask.

Wavey
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#4
Welcome to GS!

I'm not entirely sure what the question is. Did you do the right thing? Well, there weren't a lot of choices, really. I suppose you could have cried and begged him to stay with you, or fought with him. But it does take two to make a relationship, and if he's still mooning for his ex as he says, you can't make him change his mind. You did the right thing in letting him go, and reverting back to friend status.

I guess I should ask this. With your relationship in its current state, say you go hang out next week...and he wants to make out. Or have sex again. How would you respond?

Lex
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#5
Would you have had sex if you hadn't been drunk?

If you are looking for more than just sex, and it sounded like you were, it takes time to get to know someone else. In your case, had you done that, you might have discovered he wasn't over his ex.

If he is breaking up with you, you will survive. It happens to all of us at one time or another.

Did you enjoy the sex?
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#6
People put a lot of sacred hoopla on virginity.

The main thing is that you had a good time with someone you liked, trusted, and cared about. Weather or not you're boyfriends, "married", happily ever after for ever and ever... Your first time wasn't just thrown away in some cheap sordid way.
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#7
Borg69 Wrote:People put a lot of sacred hoopla on virginity.

The main thing is that you had a good time with someone you liked, trusted, and cared about. Weather or not you're boyfriends, "married", happily ever after for ever and ever... Your first time wasn't just thrown away in some cheap sordid way.

And even if it was...that just means your next one will be better. It's like any skill - you get better with practice. Smile

Lex
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#8
You did fine. He did fine. No one messed up, but maybe you guys took things a little too far too fast. That's pretty common to do. It sounds like in the moment your first sexual experience was good. It's only after the fact that everyone's second guessing. You're just starting to get to know each other and figure out how you two intersect. Keep it light and fun and easy. There is no rush needed here to define it.
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#9
A good point, Camfer. I often think that guys who are simply uncertain about what a relationship is are apt to spend way too much time on defining or categorizing what is going on. If the way we interact were simply a matter of meeting certain criteria we could come up with a checklist and placing a label on things would be very simple. It does not work that way, nor should it. OP, I agree with Borg and Camfer that everything went all right. Spend your time on savoring the good time and stop worrying what to call it all. Your friend is having jus as much flux in the way he thinks of things because he is seeing it against the background of a previous relationship. These things take time to settle. In the parlance of a certain crowd: Chill.
I bid NO Trump!
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#10
you lost your cherry to a guy you like and feel attracted to. that's sounds great to me. the whole experience, the way you describe it, seems to have been a positive one. that's good.

love is not ''a few month'' thing. that's for one. for two, the fact that he was your first doesn't really make it any more special on its own. you will meet guys and experience sex that will top that first experience. that is a given. you're going away to college in August. who knows where he will be by then. enjoy your time till then, take what you can, and don't build up any expectations.
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