My boyfriend is suffering

[Abstract]

I am in tears now as I'm writing this because the thought of my boyfriend being mistreated by his family is enough to set me off. I recently came out to everyone about a month ago and have been going with this guy for a few weeks now. The only people I have not come out to are my family. I am 17 soon to be 18 and he is 19.

Basically, my boyfriend's step dad is a homophobe and he always says horrible and nasty things about him. Take tonight for example, his mother invited him out to go for a drink with her and his sister and the step dad shouted at his mother for inviting him out and said no one likes him and my boyfriend tells me it makes him feel so awful.

I have never met his family but what I fail to understand is why his mother is staying with such an awful and nasty man that is treating HER son like this. He is so wonderful and spoils me rotten with all these gifts. He needed to drop out of doing A levels to get a retail job in order to pay for a flat so he can move out. I cannot bear to see him suffer like this, and this is only from what he tells me, I have never witnessed it myself so I cannot possibly imagine how he feels. The worst part is I can't ask my parents for advice because I haven't come out to them. I'm sure they'll take it okay because my dad's brother's son is gay and older than me, I am just a bit worried about it though.

What can I do to help my boyfriend?

[LJay]

Talk to your cousin.

[Lexington]

Talk to your cousin...and then come out to your parents.

Lex

[MikeW]

...What can I do to help my boyfriend?

Sometimes the only thing we can realistically do is "be there" ... in the sense of listening to their troubles, commiserating, and being a supportive friend. When we are settled, have our own income and place to live, etc., there may be more options for "helping" someone but there are always limitations.

Welcome to the forum. Stick around, invite your BF to join too if he's of a mind... Sorry he's having to deal with a homophobic step dad. Sux! But someday soon he will be away from him and won't have to put up with his insults.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

There is nothing you can do.

See this is one of those times where you need to figure out the difference between what you can change and what you can't change.

That wisdom is rather easy - everything outside of yourself you can't change. You can't change the father, can't change the mother, can't change any of that.

The things you can change are the things inside of you. For instance, you can change how you accept what is as being what it is, in this case that the step-father is homophobic.

Now you might be able to pass on this wisdom to the BF and he might (his choice) decide to apply that.

Sure, it hurts to be hated, but we can choose to allow that hatred to hurt us or not.

Haters are gonna hate, there is no stopping that. What we can do is stop allowing their hatred to hurt us by affirming for ourselves that we are not the creatures of ugliness that the ugly creatures want to make us out to be.

Stand by your BF, listen when he wants to talk, and reaffirm that he is a good/decent/worth-full guy and try to counter the ugly he gets with beauty.

[matty7]

as the saying goes - you can choose your friends but not your family !! , sadly I doubt things will change until your bf gets the flat and gets away from this man.....his mother may not be able to stand up to this thug either as he may also intimidate her too so I wouldn't blame her just yet, Once your bf has a place and a job of his own he never has to see this prick ever again if he chooses - good luck to the both of you

[Wolfpack]

Surround yourself and your bf with as much of a support network as you can such as your cousin. Hopefully things will improve for you the both when he can create some distance and be more independent from his family.

[Virge]

You've gotten some great advice and haven't responded to any of the people who gave it and it's been more than a day. If their advice doesn't work for ya buy Beyonce's new album.