How normal is it to have sex only with people you love?

[Virge]

That's what I do. I'm a man in my early thirties and I will only have sex if I have serious relationships and the other person is important to me. If I don't have relationships, I'll masturbate or celibate. Casual sex and one night stands are and have always been disgusting to me. I had a talk with a friend of mine yesterday, we talked about our sexual life and he said I'm being ridiculous and that sex doesn't have to do anything with love.

What do you think?

I think you need to take that sack off your hear clean out your ears, listen to your friend and drop the Mister Prim and Proper act. It sounds to me that all you are trying to do with your OP is slam guys for being sluts. Don't get me wrong. I'm a great totally manogamous relationship and have never been one to sleep around much but that didn't and still doesn't give me the right to think I'm better than anyone else.

There's nothing disgusting about casual sex or one night stands unless you're trying to live within some archaic version of morality from the damned bronze age. The bottom line on it that no matter what the situation or the people involved, everyone everywhere is doing the best they can with the "tools" they have to work with under the circumstances they are under just to make it from one day to the next in their lives. Some people turn to casual sex and one night stands to make it from one day to the next. Some don't. Either way, it's not up to you or me -- OR ANYONE -- to make subjective judgments of people based on things like that.

[TwisttheLeaf]

I don't think you're being ridiculous. There's plenty of guys out there that aren't into the casual sex and hook up scene. Nothing at all wrong with that, yeah? If you're happy with it, who cares what your friend thinks about it?

[Edward]

I think it's really beautiful. In our society where everything is up and about sex and everyone sleeps with everyone, it's quite uncommon to meet someone as pure as you. I believe your friend just didn't think it might be possible.

[Gideon]

I think that when it comes to -who- you have sex with and what you feel is right? The only opinion that matters is -yours-

[Virge]

I think that when it comes to -who- you have sex with and what you feel is right? The only opinion that matters is -yours-

☝

I can agree with that. The only opinion about sex that should matter to you is yours just like the only opinion about sex that matters to me is mine. I swear I believe in totally monogamous sex with my guy over random sex partners and intend to do everything I can to preserve it in our life and soft sell it to others and help them achieve it.

The problem I have with what you were saying is that you're getting way too close to criticizing others for not living up to the standards of your opinion. People's sex lives are not up for judgment calls as far as I'm concerned unless they're messing with kids other mammals or harming themselves or others.

You, and everyone who's monogamous -- including me -- can do more to help others achieve it by not being judgmental about it and befriending people that can learn from the examples we set.

Right now I'm dealing with a good friend, a hot young hairy military Italian with a world class sex drive who's been going through depression about not being able to find a steady relationship. I'm pushing him to forget about the search for a relationship and not try to make one out of every guy he meets. I'm telling him to get out there and have a good time getting a nut as often as he needs to. When he meets the right guy he'll know it just like the right guy will know it.

[Lexington]

I was all set to say the arrangement sounded great, until that last bit. I think your boyfriend needs to put the kibosh on the lovey-dovey from the ex. It sounds like he's sort of telling the world "Guess who's still fucking this guy?"

Lex

[Virge]

I was all set to say the arrangement sounded great, until that last bit. I think your boyfriend needs to put the kibosh on the lovey-dovey from the ex. It sounds like he's sort of telling the world "Guess who's still fucking this guy?"

Lex

yeah. That ex BF is acting plain ass tacky.

I just have replied to Semaj in Gold Coast about 3 ways he's having and the consequences of them. I should have thought about mentioning psxxx's situation. We've experienced that in a different way. It's been maybe five years since my guy and I were done experimenting with 3ways and 4ways but anytime out in public when we run into people from back then they just about always want to get way too touchy feely gropey on one of us or the other or both.

And [MENTION=22065]psxxx[/MENTION] --- I told Semaj and telling you now -- you Ozzie guys are way more wide open about sex situations that guys in the US. That's bad in ways and good in others.

My biggest bitch about it is the never ending gossip. In Sydney it may be different than in Briz and GC where my guy and I did our few group things before we focused on becoming a couple. But after nearly 5 years you'd think they'd have other things to talk about.

[reaper]

It seems pretty normal.

When I came out a few months back I did it at a sex/bondage club. I had several offers and just about always turned them down. After a while I did get oral during some of the scenes I topped in, but never had sex in the place even though I knew I easily could do so.

About 2 months after coming out, thanks to a mention in here, I learned what Grindr' was. I hadn't had sex yet (gay) and thought this could be useful. I did have sex with one guy on there. He was hot, but a bit odd and we didn't click in any way. Then I went on a few dates with guys on there. I didn't like most of the guys but a few bjs did take place.

I thought I was on the start of a wild sex filled future...then I met a guy on there I clicked with. A week later, we became a couple and we've been going out now for 2 moths.

The club, which was the center of my newly discovered universe, has not been visited in many many weeks.

To make a long story short, I guess my true nature was being with one person only. haha

[Iceblink]

Ive never been after one night stands or casual sex either.

I would normally choose a monogamous relationship too, but you have to also listen to your partner too. They have needs and desires that are either meet or you may loose them.

My boyfriend gets all the love and affection he needs from me, but sexually im not able to satisfy him, so his ex boyfriend visits to satisfy him sexually.

Its works for us because it means he isnt sleeping with anyone other than me or his ex boyfriend. It works for his ex because he is in an open relationship.

The only time it gets hard is when we are out socially with his ex boyfriend. His ex isn't respectful of my position, and will be overly affectionate to my boyfriend, my boyfriend enjoys it, but my friends think its inappropriate.

We are trying to work through that issue, but no relationship is perfect.

This also sounds strange to me. There is the "it works for us" and then later comes that 'but..' moment. I guess we're all different because, although I would not want this arrangement, if I were going to consider it, I would want it be with someone he has no past with and certainly not an exboyfriend. Nor would I want the f**kbuddy hanging out with the two of us. I would want it more something like, go get your f**k on and I expect you back in a couple hours. To each their own.

[Virge]

It seems pretty normal.

When I came out a few months back I did it at a sex/bondage club. I had several offers and just about always turned them down. After a while I did get oral during some of the scenes I topped in, but never had sex in the place even though I knew I easily could do so.

About 2 months after coming out, thanks to a mention in here, I learned what Grindr' was. I hadn't had sex yet (gay) and thought this could be useful. I did have sex with one guy on there. He was hot, but a bit odd and we didn't click in any way. Then I went on a few dates with guys on there. I didn't like most of the guys but a few bjs did take place.

I thought I was on the start of a wild sex filled future...then I met a guy on there I clicked with. A week later, we became a couple and we've been going out now for 2 moths.

The club, which was the center of my newly discovered universe, has not been visited in many many weeks.

To make a long story short, I guess my true nature was being with one person only. haha

reaper... Reading that made me real real happy for you, man. I haven't met the guy or know anything about him but I already like him.