Left Over Trauma From Attack By A Stalker

[Hardheaded1]

True.

But, that doesn't change the fact that the vast majority of people are not psychos.

A rape victim may walk down the street irreparably changed by being victimized, but I know many women and men who have been thus, and they eventually work through the process over time and indeed do not take every step on the street in fear of a repetition of the attack.

Nothing should diminish the victim's suffering, pain, or perception. Likewise, nothing should encourage him not to seek the therapy that will lead to him breaking free of any undue degree of imprisonment of fear.

We support him here, as most people support him everywhere, and that support includes the due encouragement to get help as necessary.

[East]

It is absolutely true that the vast majority of people aren't psychos...

BUT...

There are certain personality traits in a lot of us who attract these people...and that is the thing to address in therapy. Finding out what attracts them to you and dealing with that.....

They know exactly who to pick.

Telling someone who has experienced this that most folks in the world are OK doesn't really cut it IMO. Most people already know that...

For instance...say I meet 100 people and 99 of them are great but one is a pscho...the pscyho doesn't diminish the other 99 at all but if he engages you it is a very real nightmare...and getting him/her off your back and trying not to get caught or killed is like dancing with the devil....it is a cat and mouse thing....the normal rules of engagement go out the window...

[Hardheaded1]

But telling Pyromancer that most people are OK is indeed relevant. His phobia tells him otherwise.

Despite your own trauma, you've reached out to others online in a very authentic and personal way. You've worked through a lot of your anxieties and altered your perceptions over time.

There is nothing wrong or insensitive in encouraging Pyromancer to do the same. There is nothing dismissive about encouraging a perspective that acknowledges the real statistical makeup of humanity.

Saying "it's not that easy" doesn't negate the fact that it's true. I've always attracted the mentally ill or emotionally unstable. That doesn't mean I treat every new acquaintance as if he is a potential one. But, I've never been physically attacked outside my job as teacher some decades ago, so I am not pretending I understand the degree of commitment that it takes to heal psychologically from that.

[TwisttheLeaf]

I think something that's missing from where this discussion has currently gone is a really important fact that needs to be mentioned.

In my case (and from the sound of it, in [MENTION=22470]Pyromancer[/MENTION] and [MENTION=18508]East[/MENTION]'s cases as well) the initial stalker is still alive and kicking.

Jail does not negate the risks that this poses. Neither does moving across the country (or to another country) etc.

My stalker is in jail, and yet he met a like-soul while imprisoned that he then convinced to come let me know how much I was "missed". This included a home invasion, attempted rape, and me dying (resuscitated, obviously) on my kitchen floor.

And yet, my stalker was in jail at the time.

Someone who has been the victim of stalking, especially one with a stalker that is violent and there's a risk of life involved, NEED that paranoia. The saying "it's a small world" is true. I meet people who know other people I know ALL the time, online and in person. It's fucking creepy, but that "Six Degrees of Separation" game/theory, on a world wide social scale, is sometimes as small as two or three degrees when it comes to who knows who.

And the fact is? A mere mention of a name, or a description of someone met, can be enough to make it's way to their ears and draw their attention to the "ah, ha! Found you" the stalker looking for.

Most people might be okay, yep. You're right. But how about when one of those okay people knows someone who knows your stalker and you have no clue because it's through those degrees of separation. Those degrees of separation won't keep you safe. People talk. People share. They think it's harmless because they've never been there, yeah?

What I'm saying is.... in many stalking cases, the victim can't let go of the paranoia because it's important to their survival to -keep- it. In other words, if they really -are- out to get you, paranoia is a good thing.

[TwisttheLeaf]

As a side note, my previous post does not negate the usefulness of therapy in getting over the PTSD aspects of one's trauma and finding a balance in one's life between paranoia and living, yeah?

IMO, therapy is a VERY good thing. At least as long as you have a good therapist (or can find one) to work with.

[Gideon]

Pyro...

Having had an up close and personal insight to a similar experience with what Twist went through, I just want to say that feeling what you're feeling doesn't make you a drama queen. And hearing that you were told to "get over yourself" even second/third/fourth hand just...makes me angry. I can't even imagine what my reaction would have been if I had even THOUGHT someone was saying that to Twist.

Your feelings, your emotions, your reactions are -yours- No one can discount them because they aren't in your shoes, they aren't dealing with your exact situation, they aren't you...don't let them discredit your emotions. They are yours, you feel them therefore they are valid.

Therapy is great, having someone to talk to is awesome...you're out there, you're dating someone, you're moving past it. Hell, you're -here- which is your danger zone and you're facing those fears, yeah? But you handle it, you deal with it, you survive it on your own time, in your own way and that is OKAY. Don't let anyone rush you into being okay if you're not, you have to get there...one day at a time. One breath at a time.

Guess I just needed to give you credit for how far you -have- come, how far you have healed. I'm so fucking proud of Twist for his strength through his experiences, his courage to fight back and stand tall...his ability to SURVIVE and to heal. And to tell you...you're not a -victim-, man, you're a SURVIVOR.

[LJay]

Some profound reveleations here, guys.You will be having me thinking for a long time about this. I do hope that your being here is and will continue to be, a positive experience. It has come up in several places lately that if someone does not wish to respond to prodding then it is mannerly to back off. We need to have respect for privacy and also to learn that all personal experience is not innocuous. I'll be rereading your posts with thanks for your candor.