Am i Gay?

[thebusinessboy]

Hey, I need advice as I am really really confused atm, Well I am 21 years old and am unsure whether I am gay or not, ever since I hit puberty I have watched and masterbated over gay porn but after I had cummed I had a guilty feeling and had to masterbate over women to get rid of this feeling instantly, the first time I masterbated was over a gay tv freeview when I was 13, I have had sexual encounters with other guys but after I had that same guilty feeling, its like during it im gay and afterwards im not, plus I can get hard over gay porn without touching myself whereas with straight porn I need to physically get it up, I recently trie to have sex with a woman but couldn't get it up, I thought it was because I masterbate too much but its happened twice now, and I find myself camming with guys and masterbating with them and then finding an excuse not to cum so I don't have this guilty feeling,

Any advice would be greatly appreciated

Thank you

[Johnricky89]

Hi,
Are you religious man or belong to a religious family? cause most of the guilty feelings comes from that.
Another possibility is that you may be a Bi person, but you get attraction mostly to boys..

You reminded me of myself, previously not now

Anyway, waiting for other members to share their opinions..

[Pyromancer]

I think that the guilt and negativity are not so much a sign that you're not gay, but maybe spring from not wanting to be gay/not wanting to admit that you are gay. You haven't told us about your background or your circumstances. Are you in a situation where admitting that you're gay would create a lot of problems?

[MikeW]

Hey, I need advice as I am really really confused atm...

It's interesting. I had similar experiences when I was a young teenager. It was very difficult to NOT feel guilty after an orgasm where I fantasized about other boys. (And for me there was never any fantasying about girls! ) LOL… so what changed?

Well that was so long ago for me I can barely remember so let me suggest some things to think about and try.

First of all, do you know that feeling horny is due to chemical changes in the brain? When you're feeling hot and horny part of what's happening is your brain is "high" on dopamine. It seriously is like a drug (which may partly explain some people getting 'hooked' on jerking off). Immediately after the intense "peak high" of the orgasm, the dopamine disperses and the brain fairly quickly returns to normal serotonin levels. For some people this creates real problems… google "postcoital blues" and do some research using "sex" "orgasm" and "brain chemistry." It's kind of interesting, actually.

Ok, so your brain chemistry changes… but why is it you feel "guilty" after jerking off to specifically gay porn? Well, chances are only a clinical psychologist could begin to answer that question, and even then after several intense sessions of some very personal questions. But as others have suggested here, we don't really know enough about you and your up-bringing to answer that for you.

Just kind of guessing but I wouldn't be surprised if these guilty feelings are bubbling up from some deep SHAME you feel around your sexual urges in general and your homosexual urges in particular. We've all grown up in a world where heterosexuality is "normal" -- and homosexuality is viewed as "deviant" possibly even "perverted" and "immoral." These messages get picked up by us from parents, siblings, peers and the culture we grow up in, in general.

So, what can you do about it?

My first suggestion is to let yourself FEEL the shame/guilt… actually go inside it and explore it. This is a different attitude toward it from, say, just feeling it and vaguely and maybe reacting to it one way or another. Rather, intentionally hold on to that feeling, close your eyes, go into it, see if it takes you back to some specific -- or some set of specific -- memories. Where is this feeling coming from? Look inside yourself and see if you can find some clue.

My second suggestion is almost the opposite. If you can find some clue as to where this shame/guilt is coming from, then practice NOT dwelling on those feelings… rather, just let them go. (Our feelings come and go about a lot of things all the time, no big deal.) You might try giving yourself some 'pep talk' or 'inner reassurance' that there isn't anything wrong with a) feeling horny and b) fantasizing about sex with guys. It isn't perverted or immoral. It really isn't any different from straight guys fantasizing about girls (other than the fact it is "seen" as different by normal heterosexual culture).

Finally, I suggest you just train yourself to enjoy the "after glow" -- that "satisfied" sensation. Give yourself a warm hug and pat yourself on the back; there's nothing wrong with feeling good and wanting to make other guys feel good while they do the same to you. It is *normal* for US and happens millions of times every day everywhere around the world!

[Cuddly]

The guilt feeling that comes after orgasms are a product of your upbringing. Sex is perfectly natural and it shouldn't be a cause of shame. Work on that by yourself or with a professional.

[Iceblink]

From the little information you have provided, it is not possible to tell you your orientation. That is something you have to discover yourself. I can tell you this, and that is you are attracted to men. You do not masturbate and have orgasms about things you are not attracted to. Society, religion, family, a desire to fit in, something along those lines is likely causing these feelings of guilt. Seek a counselor to discuss these feelings and to help you overcome them because there is no reason to feel guilty about your sexuality and desires.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

You're gay.

And you are feeling societal placed guilt over being a homosexual thus are trying to compensate for that with the straight porn.

I bet you have more mythology about homosexuality that is going to be hard for you yo reconcile your sexuality with the rest of society. Therefore, I strongly suggest you learn up on homosexuality - no not the gay porn, the lifestyles of typical LGBT people. Mind you, they are painfully, and chronically boring as is most of your species.

[mvoco]

Why do you feel guilty? There is no need!

My advice is only to remind yourself that you're not doing anything wrong - gay or straight there is nothing wrong with being sexually aroused. So relax, stop feeling guilty and enjoy - if you're more easily aroused by men and can't get it up with women then really, does it need spelling out?

You're gay and it's ok!

[himself]

When you masturbate over women, do you actually masturbate over them or do you just sit there, look at them and touch yourself until you attain an excited state? What do you feel when you look at straight porn?

[thebusinessboy]

In reply to pyromancer, im just an average guy who likes sports and that, video games aswell, I am not religious but I can get off to straight porn and I do that regularly but I always get the urge to go and watch gay porn, I masterbate to women more often because I don't want the guilty feeling