So, a new coworker came onboard a few weeks ago. I showed him around, introduced him to pretty much everything, and taught him a few things. We chatted a lot, about work and about personal things and I thought we hit it off pretty well. I was pretty sure this new guy was gay, but I didn't hit on him or talk about anything gay related or anything inappropriate for work. During his first week, I asked him if he wanted to grab a sandwich with me for lunch and he agreed but acted a bit strange when he accepted, but didn't think too much about it. We enjoyed our lunch and chatted quite a bit.
There are a couple of other people in my group, which he could've easily asked for help about work stuff, yet I'm pretty sure he only comes to me and he did on a regular basis. So, on a recent Friday, he came to me and started chatting, so I talked to him for about an hour and a half, but started to realized it wasn't such a good idea to talk that much at work, so I told him I needed to get back to get some work done. Wanting to continue our chat, I asked him what his plans were for lunch, and then he started to act really weird and just said "I brought"
Since then, I've been acting a bit cold towards him and vice versa. I mean, I'm not an obtuse person to know when a person is not interested in being my friend. But seriously? I was not hitting on him in anyway or did our conversation ever get uncomfortable.
I don't know why this bothers me quite a bit, but I just can't figure out why all of a sudden he acted distant after I asked what his lunch plans were. I mean, when I first got to my job, a lot of my straight coworkers invited me to lunch and I thought nothing more than a friendly invite.
Penny for your thoughts.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
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I don't want to overcharge you, so this one's on me.
Basically, you don't have enough data yet. He probably has a ton of other stuff going on in his life that may or may not be intruding on his interactions with you. So far, it basically just sounds like "he at least thinks you're a pleasant/fun co-worker". It's a good start, but I don't think you know enough to draw any conclusions based on his actions. Feel free to ask him out to lunch again sometime. If he seems kind of weirded out again, consider that a "I'd rather not go out to lunch with you anymore" and stop asking.
Lex
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Maybe he can't afford to go out to eat. Maybe he feels awkward if other people pay for him. Maybe he doesn't like to eat out for whatever reasons. Maybe he doesn't want to be seen as sucking up to a boss (?). Maybe he has IBS. Maybe he has food allergies. Maybe he has a possessive BF/GF who doesn't like him socializing 1:1. Maybe he has to call his sick mother at lunch and check in...
There are a zillion reasons why he might not want to go out to eat that doesn't mean he thinks you're hitting on him. I wouldn't take it personally. Even some "normal" people are "weird".
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Move on.
Who knows and who cares.
If he is that weirded out by just grabbing a sandwich, just think how he'd react when you asked him if you could grab his cock.
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He might be mentally ill. Seriously. I know a girl like this. She turns cold on a dime in the middle of a conversation for no reason and initially I would worry about what I might have said or done...and finally...I just thought she was an ass and washed my hands of her. The same thing happens with everyone else she knows as well...
I think she is mentally ill...not sure what she has though...
If I knew at the beginning what I know now...I would have avoided her completely...so that is my advice to you...avoid him completely.
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He is just a stranger to you right now. I wouldn't stress about what he thinks about you. If he has some sort of problem with you, then that is his problem and he doesn't deserve to have you as a friend.
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Rareboy Wrote:Move on.
Who knows and who cares.
If he is that weirded out by just grabbing a sandwich, just think how he'd react when you asked him if you could grab his cock.
...you DO have a gift for putting things into perspective lol...
But Wait!! You mean I'm supposed to ASK before I grab...??!?!??
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Posting an update if anyone cares 
So, I decided to ask him to lunch again shortly after and he agreed and all seemed well. We went out to lunch a couple more times after that. He asked, once too.
I thought my gaydar was pretty good until I met this guy. Man, he gives mixed signals. When he talks to me at work he's very soft spoken and I feel like we have a connection, but when we are outside of work he just acts, or tries to, act more straight. I mean, he tells one of his favorite shows is The Mindy Project. Which straight guy watches that show?
Anyway, I asked him if he wanted to grab a beer after work last night and he agreed without hesitation. I was pretty excited about it simply because I thought we could potentially be good friends but man, I felt like I went on a really bad date and I wanted to leave! I was trying to ask him some personal questions (not uncomfortable ones like dating history) but just questions to get to know him. He would give short answers and the immediately deflects me from talking more about him and he would go out and blab about something completely random. As if that wasn't enough, we started talking about work! Have you ever been on a date where the other person is very attractive but you just can't seem to get on the same wavelength when you talk and you just want to tell them to shut up while having dirty thoughts in your head?
Anyway, I just feel like I'm trying too hard to be his friend and it really shouldn't be this way. So now I am acting a bit distant from him and see where it goes, but I have a feeling it won't go anywhere. I'm a bit sad because I thought I made a good friend, but I think it was just all in my head. Anyway, thanks for listening 
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PennyForThought Wrote:...Have you ever been on a date where the other person is very attractive but you just can't seem to get on the same wavelength when you talk and you just want to tell them to shut up while having dirty thoughts in your head? ... Oh, for sure! In my experience, the best way to deal with hot guys who go on and on rambling about boring shit is to interrupt them abruptly and say, "You know, I have no idea what you're talking about… All I can think about is how badly I want to give you the best orgasm of your life!"
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PennyForThought Wrote:Posting an update if anyone cares
So, I decided to ask him to lunch again shortly after and he agreed and all seemed well. We went out to lunch a couple more times after that. He asked, once too.
I thought my gaydar was pretty good until I met this guy. Man, he gives mixed signals. When he talks to me at work he's very soft spoken and I feel like we have a connection, but when we are outside of work he just acts, or tries to, act more straight. I mean, he tells one of his favorite shows is The Mindy Project. Which straight guy watches that show?
Anyway, I asked him if he wanted to grab a beer after work last night and he agreed without hesitation. I was pretty excited about it simply because I thought we could potentially be good friends but man, I felt like I went on a really bad date and I wanted to leave! I was trying to ask him some personal questions (not uncomfortable ones like dating history) but just questions to get to know him. He would give short answers and the immediately deflects me from talking more about him and he would go out and blab about something completely random. As if that wasn't enough, we started talking about work! Have you ever been on a date where the other person is very attractive but you just can't seem to get on the same wavelength when you talk and you just want to tell them to shut up while having dirty thoughts in your head?
Anyway, I just feel like I'm trying too hard to be his friend and it really shouldn't be this way. So now I am acting a bit distant from him and see where it goes, but I have a feeling it won't go anywhere. I'm a bit sad because I thought I made a good friend, but I think it was just all in my head. Anyway, thanks for listening
Physical attraction can be there with zero in the emotional level. More than likely the more he talks the less physical attraction you'll have with him.
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