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New here, shell shocked
#11
Thank you everyone. Your feedback is greatly appreciated. MikeW please tell me more about the support group you mentioned. That sounds like something that could be of tremendous help for me. I did discuss my situation with my MD this morning. He is putting in a referral to a psychiatrist.
Thanks again everyone. Oh, and please don't stop writing. Of course I would love to hear from any married bisexual men.
Jack
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#12
Welcome, Jack. I hope you will benefit from talking to guys who have some understanding of what you are going through. There is much written above that will need thinking about and you are right to talk with your MD about this. Just be careful that your interaction with the psychiatrist includes analysis and real therapy and not simply a drug regimen. Good luck with it all. Don't be shy about coming back when you need to talk.
I bid NO Trump!
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#13
Hi LJay,
Thank you so much. Yes, everyone has been very understanding, helpful and have taken great care and effort to give the reasoning behind their recommendations. I am truly grateful. I would like MikeW to give me more information about the support group he mentioned but I cannot PM him as I don't have the requisite number of posts. Can you help with that?
Sincerely, Jack
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#14
Hi all,
Just to be clear, everything I mentioned not wanting to lose I earned. I may not even live long enough to see any inheritance (the women in her family typically live past 100, I am a type1 diabetic and don't expect to live that long). You are right though, my motivation is not completely selfless. I am also a recovering alcoholic, so selfishness and being self-centered are character defects I suffer from (heh, progress rather than perfection, right?).
Jack
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#15
Have forwarded your message.


Thinking about this and especially the nature of your wife's views and family, it seems to me that you should try very hard to get her to keep this between the two of you until you reach some sort of resolution. It really is your personal relationship that is at the center of it and having a committee go to work on it all would be a mess. The two of you should talk this part over with your therapist, not with mama and the cousins.
I bid NO Trump!
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#16
Jack, Gee I guess Fremont has more than 2 gay guys! I was married for near 18 years when my wife and I divorced. I hid my feelings for too many years. Luckily after I moved out we finally moved on with our lives (she apparently while we were still married!) After I had left we had a few "REAL' talks and she was OK and VERY understanding with it. She still is OK with it as we work together everyday at our business. I am one of the lucky ones with a very understanding ex and a very understanding boyfriend that is not bothered by my working with my ex.
My advice to you is that you need to sit down, talk and be honest with her. You never know, things may work out for the best. Have a lot of patience. Everyone deserves to be happy. It will work out! I would tell you to PM me but you need 50 post before you can do that I believe.
I can EXPLAIN it to you but I can't UNDERSTAND it for you
Spoiler:
!
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#17
LikesTightness Wrote:MikeW please tell me more about the support group you mentioned. That sounds like something that could be of tremendous help for me.
I don't know anything about the group now (I was a member back in the late '80s, early '90s), but I just checked and see it is still on-going, meeting on Wednesday evenings 8 to 10 in Berkeley. These are peer-facilitated support groups, meaning they're not led by professional therapists but trained peer-facilitators. The value of the group is in hearing what other men are dealing with as well as having the opportunity to talk about your own questions and issues and getting (hopefully) helpful feedback.
.
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#18
Hi CarGuy and Mike,
Thank you so much. Yes, my race car is a white Mustang (just 30 years newer than yours). You may have even seen it terrorizing the streets of Fremont before! 429 cubic inches of 351W in a modern chassis is a highly effective weapon, but not very subtle.
I appreciate your input and, yes, it sounds like things did work out OK for you. That's awesome...
Mike thank you so much also. I will attend next weeks meeting if humanly possible. It looks like it could be a godsend.
I'm sorry I don't know how else to thank all of you. I will make a donation to GaySpeak. My experience here has been polar opposite of that gay forums net that shall remain nameless 8^)
Love, Jack
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#19
LikesTightness Wrote:Thank you everyone. Your feedback is greatly appreciated. MikeW please tell me more about the support group you mentioned. That sounds like something that could be of tremendous help for me. I did discuss my situation with my MD this morning. He is putting in a referral to a psychiatrist.
Thanks again everyone. Oh, and please don't stop writing. Of course I would love to hear from any married bisexual men.
Jack


Well...I am married and (technically) bisexual...but somehow I doubt that I am the type of guy that you would be interested in hearing from.

See, I was married to a woman for a little over 5 years, until I realized something: I would NEVER BE HAPPY. I realized that I didn't just want sex with men, I wanted to be LOVED by one. So we split up and had a NASTY divorce, and ~6 months later I met my husband. That was 20 years ago.

You are losing time. If you don't get your shit together, you really are going to be one of those bitter old men who hates everyone becaus he didn't follow his heart when he had the chance.

~Beaux

Oh yeah, Welcome to the Forum.
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#20
I can say for sure that you are not alone as ive been on Gayspeak for a few years now and we have had many married guys on here - one of my good friends from here who doesn't post anymore that I keep in touch with has never been happier since he and his wife split....it was a terrible time for him and his wife but he needed to do it and now hes got a lovely boyfriend -
what a terrible web site you first joined though - not sure why they think they can speak to people like that without knowing them or the life they live but I hope at GS no one would post crap like that , enjoy your stay here
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