Hi Jack,
The situation you find yourself in is actually not as uncommon as you may think, especially in your (our) age group.
I was married/closeted/had kids/military for a long time, but those were in the days when being gay was not only largely illegal and unacceptable in society, they were also the days that would get you locked up in a military prison should you get caught or even dare to come out. Im very familiar with the same closet that you've been hiding in for a long time.
Unfortunately as your finding, it can also be a very self destructive closet as well.
I only have two pieces of advise for you right now:
1. Accept yourself for who and what you are. It wont change you as a person, and it certainly wont make you a bad person. Your sexuality doesn't define you, its simply a part of you.
2. Be honest with your wife. Yes its going to be painful and your going to feel guilty as hell, and she will probably hate you. But you need to deal with this now, both from a practical and emotional point of view.
Stay strong.
PS, hope your not a troll, as we had someone on a few months ago pretending to be in a similar situation.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
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No, definitely not a troll. Everything I have written here has been both true and from the heart.
I am having to reexamine everything that I am today. I'm not doing anything until I attend a few of the support group meetings MikeW mentioned.
I really appreciate all of the valuable feedback and advice all of you have spent your valuable time sharing. I feel cared about here and that is something both special and priceless.
Gratefully, Perry
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CarGuy65 Wrote:Jack, Gee I guess Fremont has more than 2 gay guys!
Well, technically I'm Bi... I guess... Somehow I doubt there are only 3 of us in Fremont. I would think at least 3000 is more likely!
Did you see what I wrote about my Mustang?
Jack
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LikesTightness Wrote:Well, technically I'm Bi... I guess... Somehow I doubt there are only 3 of us in Fremont. I would think at least 3000 is more likely!
Did you see what I wrote about my Mustang?
Jack
Hi Jack, yes i saw what you wrote about your Mustang. I don't think I have seen it around. I would have noticed a car like that! I thought I knew most of the car guys in the area.
So any update on your situation?
I can EXPLAIN it to you but I can't UNDERSTAND it for you
!
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Having spent 36 years in the closet, and having been in a relationship with a woman with Bipolar, I fully understand the situation you face. Please tell me that there are no minor children involved. This is not going to be easy, and it will be a major emotional toll on everyone involved, but you MUST be honest with your wife about your attraction to men. You don't need to disclose your past experiences unless she asks, but you do need to be honest about any current relationships. If her family has such a problem with you already, I am sure that any inheritance has been re-directed/protected from you already. Don't let that be a factor in this. If she knows about your other relationships, and still wants to live with you, that would be her choice. But you need to be ready for her to take the more likely route and either leave you or need to be admitted to a crisis facility. I was fortunate that my daughter's mother left me two years prior to her realizing that I was gay. Luckily, we remain friends and work well together to provide for our daughter's needs.
I would recommend that you seek counseling and/or support systems to assist both you and your wife through this transition.
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Hi CarGuy,
The Mustang is stock outside except a large Ford Racing 100 Years" sticker on each side. Underneath it is highly modified for road course. It's a 95 R num 242. You probably know what that is. I used to own two. I bought Jason Priestley's number 46 retired IMSA Grand Sports endurance road race car (num 191 of 250). I sold that a few years ago.
As far as an update, I did see my MD who adjusted my AD up. I was on a low dose. I almost immediately started feeling better. Yes, I am still a virgin. No, I have not met anyone else.
I have taken all of the valuable advice so freely given here (thanks again everyone) into account and having given this a lot of thought I have decided to take a much more cautious and conservative approach to this. I don't have any gay or bi friends, so I would like to make some. I need to have a few friends with whom I can share some of my more personal thoughts.
I will be attending the men's support group MikeW recommended this evening. I am hopeful and I'll be as open and honest as possible. Having been in AA for years I know that if I'm not open and honest I won't get as much, if anything at all, out of it.
I'll post another update soon.
Thanks, Perry
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Hi JCasey,
My wife is bipolar and has been hospitalized twice for it. At one point they had her in a straight jacket in a padded cell. That's what I meant by her being fragile. I'm not doing anything as far as relationships outside my marriage for now. This needs a lot more careful thought and consideration.
Thanks, Perry
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Hey Jack/ Perry I was going to PM you but it will show up in your regular email so I will wait until you say it is OK. Anyway I would like to talk more with you. I think you are headed in the right direction and you have gotten some good advice so far. I hope your meeting goes well for you. Regards, Paul
I can EXPLAIN it to you but I can't UNDERSTAND it for you
!
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CarGuy65 Wrote:Hey Jack/ Perry I was going to PM you but it will show up in your regular email so I will wait until you say it is OK. Anyway I would like to talk more with you. I think you are headed in the right direction and you have gotten some good advice so far. I hope your meeting goes well for you. Regards, Paul
Hi Paul,
Jack is a name I use online, an alias of sorts. Thanks for writing again. Feel free to PM me anytime. I could receive PMs but could not reply until I had 10 posts, which I should have now. I'm a little nervous about the meeting. You know, fear of the unknown and all that. At the same time I am hopeful and excited.
Thanks, Perry
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LikesTightness Wrote:...I'm a little nervous about the meeting. You know, fear of the unknown and all that. At the same time I am hopeful and excited.
Thanks, Perry Don't fret. It's the people's republic of Berkeley, LOL! In many ways it is like an AA meeting but more informal. But, yeah, I haven't been to one in over 20 years so wtf do I know,  Let us know how it goes.
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