this is just infuriating.

[princealbertofb]

OP, I posted a thread like this, too. The same exact kind of situation. I've even met guys in person, and a lot of them usually say things like, "I really like you," "You're so cute," "You're really cool," "Hey sexy." But you know what? Eventually, they ALL ended up ignoring me. I wish I could tell you the solution to this problem. It's sad that it seems to be a regular occurrence... From your pictures and profile, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you.

Lately, I've been beginning to wonder if perhaps a lot of young guys this day and age -- unless this happens to most guys in their younger adult years, 18-30ish -- have watched too many movies or something, expecting love to be the kind of thing that makes your heart melt and feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Well, yes, it does, but this hardly happens by just meeting someone once. Usually, love is something that has to grow, but I end up meeting a lot of guys who seem to give up when they don't feel that so-called spark immediately.

Sorry for my rambling. I really don't know what the problem is. I'm in the same boat!

Maybe there isn't a problem, and maybe the solution is just PATIENCE... The old adage "before you meet your Prince Charming, you have to kiss a lot of toads" springs to mind.

[havikryan]

When you say "here" I hope you don't mean on Gay Speak! :eek:

Unfortunately it was, I apparently said something insulting causing several people to get mad at me, especially ''megumidesu'' or w/e her name was, even while apologizing in pm's she kept bashing me which to this day still makes me feel bad...

I think this is a fairly safe forum for you and I invite you to keep posting as much as you'd like. And don't feel you have to only stick to this, your own, thread. I can't promise that someone won't get offended or upset with you in some way. That does happen but on this forum it is very rare. Besides, if anyone is giving you a hard time, just let me know and I'll kick their ass!! I *can* promise you that I won't get upset with you unless you really, really, really work at insulting me on purpose for some reason -- and I can't imagine you ever doing that. For sure, I'll try to never give you any reason to.

well at times I don't really know what is and isn't appropriate to say, I just type what I think not knowing it it's appropriate or not.

True enough. But so far as you and I are concerned it doesn't matter, does it? I'm not looking at you for "sex" or anything else really, other than helping you out if I can. So, I don't much care what you look like. I'm just saying you seem like a good looking guy to me and a nice enough fellow all in all.

I know but it's just that you can't know if I really am good looking or w/e seeing as my face is the only picture, though it indeed does not matter but just what to point that out :3

That's good, that's excellent! You mention in reply to someone else you feel you are being dishonest if you're not 100% truthful. Well, first thing you need to know is EVERYBODY lies to some extent. Now, *some* people do it on purpose, deliberately to mislead someone. Just recently another member of this forum discovered this very handsome young man he had been associating with online was *in reality* a MUCH older man. He was lying about what he looked like and how old he was and probably a lot of other things. People who do that online are called "catfish". (Exactly why, I don't know.) Some people lie because they want to manipulate other people into doing or believing things that aren't true.

Some people lie because *they believe their own lies*. That is, they don't actually know their own truth and so they lie, not realizing they are doing it.

A lot of people lie by omission. That is, they don't tell the WHOLE truth right up front. But, you know, *everyone* has their weaknesses, right? No one is *perfect*. Everyone has problems of one sort and another.

Think about it this way, you know a lot of people in your life. But do you know *everything* about them? Even people you've known all your life -- your mom and dad -- or your teachers in school, for example -- do you know *everything* about them? When you meet someone for the first time, do you even *want* to know "everything" -- all their problems and insecurities and fears? True, you may want to get to know these things at some point, perhaps, but do you want to know those things first off? I'm willing to bet you don't! Usually it isn't until we get to know someone a bit more than a smile and a hand-shake that we want to know more about what is going on in their world. So, although in a sense you're right, not telling the whole truth is "lying by omission," most people DO that -- especially when they are meeting someone for the first time -- or even the first few times.

We can talk more about this if you want. But give that a bit of thought.

in real life situations I completely understand, but when it comes to the internet would it not be wise to put that info in your profile? when it comes to dating websites at least, it seems to me that could be beneficial to the people looking at you, while at the same time understanding literally listing everything about you is unwise, for that reason I did not list anywhere on my profile I'm dealing with a depression as that would turn off to many people.

Well, again you're right in a way but as you've seen even the online option doesn't work very well. This is a very real problem that many gay men of all ages face. How do we find one another when we feel like it isn't always safe to let *everyone* know that we're gay! So, we've created special places like gay bars to meet one another. But even so… say in your town… lets imagine that there is one gay bar.. Now are all the gay men in town going to be there all the time? :eek: Nope! A few may be there all the time but chances are they're not the kind of guys you're looking to meet. So… it is again almost a matter of dumb luck that you'd go into the bar at exactly the same time that the one or two or three other guys in your town who are also gay and who would like you and accept you for who you are would *also* happen to be there. Again, sort of like lightening striking.

So… this is yet another topic we can talk about as time goes on. All I can say at this point is, you might want to try and think about "finding someone" differently. I think that's what a lot of us are suggesting. First and foremost, as you've said, realizing that feeling more self confident is the first step. As *that* develops, you can begin to move more freely in the real world and see who and what is there for you. We'll talk more about this as time goes on if you want.

I understand, I will for sure work on my self confidence and bring this question up again in the future!

hahaha… not laughing AT you, that last sentence just makes me smile. Hell if I know what I'm saying half the time!

Alright, first off, I use a lot of words and my sentences can sometimes go on longer than the Mississippi river with more twists and turns in them than a four dimensional hyperbolic cork screw. << That is meant to be an example. Sorry about that! I'll try to be more brief and to the point! But, yeah, I know, you're not the first person to tell me I can be a bit overwhelming. Consider it one of my limitations. Its just the way my brain works!

I'm glad we're getting to know one another and I hope you keep coming back and talking with us. I will say this, you're not the first young man I've met online who has this kind of problem! I'm thinking of one in particular that I've been emailing back and forth with almost daily for a year now. You two have a lot in common -- he even has a dog and likes to go for long walks in the woods!

Ok, enough from me for now! I have stuff I got to do but I'm glad you're still with us!

please, you don't have to make shorter posts, long explanations are nice, even if you would cut down your posts by half while still conveying the same messages it would take the same amount of time for me to understand all of it and come up with a response

As someone who has been accused of "talking past the sale" I understand this all too well. Remember, though; they didn't ask you if you were on the spectrum and you denied it (that would be lying). You can wait until you have a sense of who they are and share things as you are comfortable, same as someone might do with a fact like "I was married, but my spouse died" or "I have a child" or "I am very religious" that another gay guy might not automatically assume. It is nothing to be ashamed of, but people can get overwhelmed if you give them a lot of complicated information all at once... it may seem like you're trying to convince them a friendship or more with you won't work out due to all these reasons. If someone feels like you were "hiding something" for being judicious on how you share personal things about yourself, they are probably not worth getting to know.

QUESTION: Have you spent any time in the autism community on line? I am just asking because - while we can talk with you about these things, you might get a different perspective from other people on the spectrum. I was looking around, trying to get a better sense of things, and saw a few references to a site called wrongplanet.net and it looks interesting. I quickly found an article which would suggest it is also LGBT friendly, so this may be another place to spend some time and maybe talk to folks if you like.

http://wrongplanet.net/a-rather-queer-ye...tt-holman/

Autism is such a big thing though which is why I really don't want to, not per say hide it but just not mention it on my profile, I want them to know that there are some things wrong with me that you'll have to deal with even if you do not know I have autism.

I'd rather stay here, it's very difficult for me to be active or even visit more then 1 forum at a time, if I were to go to that forum I would forget about this 1 in a couple of days.

edit; oops, forgot to quote some posts, my apologies! will either add them in or post them in my new reply!

[East]

Unfortunately it was, I apparently said something insulting causing several people to get mad at me, especially ''megumidesu'' or w/e her name was, even while apologizing in pm's she kept bashing me which to this day still makes me feel bad...

She left...apparently alot of people here pissed her off. Most of that group of people is gone...they left en masse...this board made them angry...so you are free and clear now.

[ShiftyNJ]

Autism is such a big thing though which is why I really don't want to, not per say hide it but just not mention it on my profile, I want them to know that there are some things wrong with me that you'll have to deal with even if you do not know I have autism.

Okay, that makes sense, and I'm not suggesting you should hide it. It's part of your identity. But it can be more about timing, though. And it might sound like less of a show-stopper to say "something different about me" vs. "something wrong with me" Again... confidence.

I'm reading that there's a whole school of thought to think about autism (at least high-functioning autism), like homosexuality, as a naturally different way of being, a natural variance vs. a disease or disability. Of course for people who are nonverbal and very limited in what they can do, that's a hard argument.

I'd rather stay here, it's very difficult for me to be active or even visit more then 1 forum at a time, if I were to go to that forum I would forget about this 1 in a couple of days.

Okay, well I am glad you are here. I just wondered if you knew about it.

[MikeW]

When you say "here" I hope you don't mean on Gay Speak! :eek:

Unfortunately it was, I apparently said something insulting causing several people to get mad at me, especially ''megumidesu'' or w/e her name was, even while apologizing in pm's she kept bashing me which to this day still makes me feel bad…

Well, sorry to hear that. I've never heard of this person. I've been on this forum for a bout a year now, so maybe they don't post here any more. Also ALWAYS KEEP IN MIND *when someone takes offense at something you said -- ESPECIALLY when no offense was intended -- their taking offense almost always says more about THEM than it does about you. This is even more true if you try to make amends and they don't want to hear it.*

well at times I don't really know what is and isn't appropriate to say, I just type what I think not knowing it it's appropriate or not.

Well, I duno what the problem is… you're doing fine so far in this thread so far as I can tell…

Just keep hanging out and we'll see how things go, right?

[MikeW]

I'm reading that there's a whole school of thought to think about autism (at least high-functioning autism), like homosexuality, as a naturally different way of being, a natural variance vs. a disease or disability. Of course for people who are nonverbal and very limited in what they can do, that's a hard argument….

I'm totally with this. I'm convinced there is no such thing as Attention Deficit Disorder, for example. What it is, is people have different WAYS of paying attention and pay attention to different things. Not EVERYONE is linear sequential and verbal in the way they process information. I'm not (for one) and I know many others who aren't either. I think getting LABELED with something like that *can be* a huge impediment. It's like, "oh, well, I have _________ and therefore I can't ___________. Or "because I'm ____________, that is the most important thing about me everyone needs to know."

[yousir]

Bringing up a slightly old post.

But I left before because of that megumdeidaidasdias whatever her name was. She was bloody rude in the chatroom to me. Threw out a comment at me with a shitty attitude, then when I responded, she ran off away from the computer to "tend to her baby".

Glad shes gone. Full of shit.

Ive always lurked on this forum. Its gone through phases of nasty people.

For the most part it does seem to be a nicer bunch these days. Maybe I'll stick around longerer this time.

[erectrician4u]

ive found on adult friend finder imparticular that for some reason some messages dont go through for whatever reason and i have started if i dont get a reply in like 5 minutes ill send a message stating that my puter had froze and for them to get back to me in a few minutes because i need to restart and that usually fixes the problem for a little bit not sure if thats what is happening but maybe give it a try cant hurt right