Am I gay?

[princealbertofb]

As I said, [MENTION=18997]matty7[/MENTION], your friend is probably completely straight despite his mannerisms, and maybe some women find them charming. It's what goes on in his head, his heart and his pants that will decide of his real orientation, right?

[princealbertofb]

I'd like to thank @BarryAndBryan for suggesting it was harrassment, because that's what it is.

[Iceblink]

The thing is, if this is getting you down and making you depressed, then it could be affecting your work, and whatever your co workers seem to think this sounds very much akin to a form of harrassment. Therefore, should you not approach human resources and tell them that you are being hounded by these allegations that are completely out of hand?
So contrary to what @Iceblink and [MENTION=20482]Wolfpack[/MENTION] seem to suggest, that you should seek employment elsewhere, I think your co workers might need to be disciplined, or at least get a good talking to by management. Is that something that you can do?

I agree that is what he should do, but it is not always the easiest choice and reporting this kind of thing does not always make it easier at work and sometimes makes a person the outcast, especially in the OP's case as this does not seem to be just an individual but a group of people. We need people to have the courage and make the sacrifice, because if it does not make things easier for you, it will likely help others in the future when it is understood the behavior will not be tolerated. Reporting this type of harassment can sometimes put you in the place of a workplace activist and that is not a role for everyone.

[hue]

Isn't it odd that creativity, intelligence, a good sense of style, and sensitivity to others are characteristics that are considered "gay?" I agree with the comment that sex and sexual orientation are not appropriate topics of conversation in the workplace. I dress effiminately at work and wear nail polish and some toned down makeup, but no flirting, no romantic overtures. And No discussions regarding my sexual orientation.

[Jay222]

When it comes down to it, and don't think this the wrong way, the thought of kissing a man or touching him in the nether regions or performing oral or sodomy makes me sick. It doesn't click in my mind as something that I would enjoy. Does that help in this? I think I'm just confused. I've had sex with other 30 women, but the thought still occurs in the back of my mind.

[princealbertofb]

I agree that is what he should do, but it is not always the easiest choice and reporting this kind of thing does not always make it easier at work and sometimes makes a person the outcast, especially in the OP's case as this does not seem to be just an individual but a group of people. We need people to have the courage and make the sacrifice, because if it does not make things easier for you, it will likely help others in the future when it is understood the behavior will not be tolerated. Reporting this type of harassment can sometimes put you in the place of a workplace activist and that is not a role for everyone.

Thanks, @Iceblink, of course, I sensed that this is where you were coming from... however, it seemed strange to me that without knowing anything about this person's work circumstances, the first thing most people suggested was to flee the bleeding place and find employment elsewhere. Well, no. If he's doing a good job doing what he's doing, and he's considered as a good employee, this harassment just has to stop and there's no reason why he should give up a perfectly good job.

Of course if the job sucks, then he would do well to find a better work environment, but again, that might not be so easy as we say it is.

I also felt that if this was a small firm, the boss might even be in on the bullying, but the boss ought to know too that this is potentially wrong, and probably suable. I know employment in the States is sometimes socially lacking for employee welfare, but you seem to agree that asking for it to stop is one of the options. If it's making him depressed, he may even have to consult a doctor and get some sick leave, which will not be good for the employer if they have to pay this employee health benefits.

I don't know the work circumstances, but I would hope that going to HR and / or management would be the first suggestion one made me if I were going through the same sort of difficulties, not to quite my job. In France the employer has a duty to make sure their employees are kept healthy and respected.

[himself]

From your initial post, it doesn't sound like you're gay, but being thought of as gay can probably be upsetting. Some people may think, "So what if people think you're gay?" but, even if you are, people assuming that you're gay can be hurtful. I think your feelings aren't unusual.

[Lexington]

Isn't it odd that creativity, intelligence, a good sense of style, and sensitivity to others are characteristics that are considered "gay?"

Which is why it should be an honor to be considered as such.

Lex