My boyfriend annoys me

[MikeW]

Seriously, though, I duno anything about Asperger's, but there are just certain things that annoy me.

When it shows up in a relationship, though, the question I have to ask myself is, what am I *really* annoyed at or about? Yeah, there may be these little things but *why* do they annoy me?

In my experience what's going on is that for some reason or other I feel invalidated. Now, I'm not saying that feeling is based on anything actual and objective that HE is doing to "invalidate" me. If he's not, then what is going on here? What am I not getting that I need?

That's how I look at it. YMMV.

[Bricg1970]

Do you find difficult to tell him how do you feel? Have you stopped to think what is really annoying you? It's his comments or is what you are not getting.
sometimes we get angry at others when it is actually us, our frustration. Not always have to be our way , there is always a middle way

[trekkiejim]

I find it differcult to understand directions and can't say I love someone

[Bowyn Aerrow]

That is interesting because I actually have Asperger's. I wonder if that has something to do with it.

Ah. There is the real problem, you have a condition that muddles the typical sort of social interactions humans have with others.

I have this problem myself to a degree - through the decades I have learned how to be a good actor and can manage to muddle through most situations which require interaction with human beings... mostly (I bet my housemate will beg to differ here :tongue.

I fear, my dear, the problem is you. I'm sorry if this offends you, but you are the one with the oddity of mental wiring which leads YOU to not be able to interact with "normal" people in the way that "normal" people interact.

This means in order for you to function in "normal" society you are going to have to study harder, learn how to present yourself as "normal" and intellectualize a lot of things FIRST before allowing your emotions to run you into annoyance.

Its not that easy on your own. Trust me, I did it the hard way because Aspergers wasn't a well known ailment back in the day. You are in luck, today there is awareness and even ways to learn social skills and learn how to accept the rest of humanity on their terms since few of them are going to accept you on your terms.

Another thing here is have you told your BF you have Aspergers? If so, has be bothered to study up on the subject so he can mitigate some of the more common relationship issues between Asperger and "normal" people in relationships?

If he doesn't know and more importantly have some education on what Aspergers is and is like, then he won't feel compelled to change his ways.

Currently what I see of these conversations is that you two come from different reference points and have different expectations of what is 'normal' in the way of response.

Take the driving directions, you and he appear to use two different systems when it comes to reference points and directions. You BOTH need to understand how the other interprets directions and seek a common frame of reference to work from.

That Facebook friend episode is another problem of interpretation. Your definition of 'gay people' appears to mean only those who you have personally boinked - His definitions appears to mean anyone who happens to be gay.

So you are not actually lying since in your frame of reference the definition is different than his. You both need to work on figuring out how the other defines concepts or there is going to be a lot more of this confusion and assumption that one or the other is lying.

I personally get this sort of definition problem and it is frustrating trying to figure out what it is that people really mean/want/desire. I have discovered that if I feel annoyed/frustrated over a thing then I need to check myself, consult my vast warehouse of experiences in similar situations with other human beans and then try to puzzle out what human beans think not what I think when something is said.

I think a good place for you to start is here: http://www.succeedsocially.com/helpaspergers

I think you will relate to what is being said and see that you are not alone, and too if you use your rational forebrain a bit more you may see that what that site is saying makes some logical sense.