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03-16-2015, 04:21 PM

ShiftyNJ Wrote:Now when that model flirts with you in a bar someday he's going to be really confused about why you're so stand-offish. ;-)

Hhahaha, Yea I'll pretend like I haven't seen him before... I wish he would come flirt with me though! UGH

03-16-2015, 05:12 PM

An almost timely date to remember a famous quote: "The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars,
But in ourselves, that we are underlings."

How can there be this much drama over an online affair? Because too much has been invested online.

The reliance on text instead of voice, on chat instead of real chat, is at fault. There cannot be a great deception unless there is the great desire to be deluded.

Making friends online is one thing, but progressing in your feelings without hearing a man's voice, without actually conversing with him, to say nothing of meeting in person, is the failing. You are young. It is exciting to meet new friends, to find romance, but it is simply wrong to progress in your feelings without meeting the man first.

As long as you have not, only a casual friendship is appropriate. Projecting more onto another is mere fancy until you have met.

We never have guarantees about the character of another, but we surely do have a great deal more chance to get it right when we can at least observe behavior in person.

Best of luck to you as you find the right guy.

03-16-2015, 07:01 PM

Fakes piss me off... Grrr! Sorry you had to deal with him.

trywait · 03-16-2015, 10:50 PM

you can always spot a faker

03-18-2015, 06:26 PM

It's so sad that there are a lot of gay guys that are so ageist that there are LOTS of older men that are hiding their ages or just putting up fake profiles altogether.

But I'm not saying that this was right in any way because it's a two-way situation. I know how he feels -- I have guys that won't even talk to me at 27 -- but it's NEVER okay to fake someone out like that. He just has to accept the fact that some guys are not going to date him because of his age, and the solution is never going to be hiding oneself to try to get the other person to fall in love with his "personality." Somehow that's supposed to soften the blow when they finally reveal their true identities...

03-18-2015, 06:33 PM

elprinciperojo Wrote:It's so sad that there are a lot of gay guys that are so ageist that there are LOTS of older men that are hiding their ages or just putting up fake profiles altogether.

But I'm not saying that this was right in any way because it's a two-way situation. I know how he feels -- I have guys that won't even talk to me at 27 -- but it's NEVER okay to fake someone out like that. He just has to accept the fact that some guys are not going to date him because of his age, and the solution is never going to be hiding oneself to try to get the other person to fall in love with his "personality." Somehow that's supposed to soften the blow when they finally reveal their true identities...

I agree that ageism is an issue but -- while it happens, and those who pursue such relationships have every right -- someone should not assume ageism is the cause of someone not being interested in dating 30 years his senior/junior. I might respect someone in his 70s a great deal, and even find him attractive on some level, but there's nothing wrong with preferring your own peer group either.

To me this is a maturity issue, beyond anything else.

03-18-2015, 06:41 PM

You're right. I don't mean that young people should HAVE TO date older men. I mean that there are many younger guys that are outright rude to older men, unfortunately. But I know this is probably not a recent problem.

03-18-2015, 06:49 PM

elprinciperojo Wrote:You're right. I don't mean that young people should HAVE TO date older men. I mean that there are many younger guys that are outright rude to older men, unfortunately. But I know this is probably not a recent problem.

I agree with you. It was certainly true in my gaslit youth. I think it is something I think most gay men buy into when they are young and attractive, not realizing that their own freshness date is clicking ever closer.

03-18-2015, 06:50 PM

Like I said...even just at 27, guys are already thinking of me as "old." Ha!

03-18-2015, 07:07 PM

Hell...I am proud of my age. I am 57 now...wouldn't want to be any other age. I am exactly the age I should be and in the exact place I should be. Nothing to be ashamed about.

I dont understand why people want to hide their age anyway. I have heard the reasons..I just don't understand it. Sure...some people are ageist...but if they are...why the hell are you trying to fool them? Let them be ageist.....they will regret it when they get older because the bed they made for other people is actually the bed they are making for themselves...

How you view age when you are younger will indicate how well adjusted you will be when you age...

I never was interested in men who were over 10 years older then me as a rule...or over 10 years younger. I like shared life experiences as a common bond. There is a certain comfort level for me keeping it in the same basic generation. If you don't know who Angela Davis is ...I probably don't want to fuck you.