I am seriously in love with blonde jokes... They are so damn funny.
Got one? Please do share!
Here's a good one..
A blonde and a brunette got on an elevator on first floor... A man then walked in on third floor... When the man got off the elevator on sixth floor, the brunette commented:
"Somebody should give him Head & Shoulders."
The blonde responded... "How do you give shoulders?"
Lol
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A blonde who had obviously spent a great deal of time on her clothing and makeup was boarding a plane. She strolled right in and took a seat in the first class cabin. The flight attendant looked at her ticket and said, "I'm sorry. Your seat is in the coach cabin and you will have to move."
Immediately the blonde replied, "Well! I'm blonde and I'm stylish and I'm going to New York. So I do NOT have to move!"
The flight attendant withdrew and a second flight attendant tried the same explanation.
Immediately the blonde replied, "Well! I'm blonde and I'm stylish and I'm going to New York. So I do NOT have to move!"
A third attendant tried.
Immediately the blonde replied, "Well! I'm blonde and I'm stylish and I'm going to New York. So I do NOT have to move!"
Finally the flight attendants called the captain and explained the situation. The captain walked over to the blonde and asked her to move.
Immediately the blonde replied, "Well! I'm blonde and I'm stylish and I'm going to New York. So I do NOT have to move!"
Then the captain leaned over and whispered in the blonde's ear very quietly. Right away, she got up and moved to the coach section.
The amazed attendants were all anxious for the captain to tell them what he had said.
"Oh, it's very simple," he said. "I just told her that first class does not go to New York."
It's an old joke, but thanks for the new one, verysimple.
I bid NO Trump!
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Two blondes walk into a bar, while the brunette ducks.
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Blond guy jokes in case you haven't heard these before:
A blond guy came home from work early and heard strange noises coming from his bedroom. He rushed upstairs and flung open the door to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.
"What's wrong?" he asked her.
"I'm having a heart attack!" she cried out.
He rushed downstairs and grabbed the phone, but just as he started to dial 911, his four-year-old son came up to him and said, "Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!"
The guy slammed down the phone and stormed back upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife and ripped open the closet door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked and cowering on the floor.
"You rotten bastard!" the blond guy said. "My wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids!"
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A blond man goes to the vet with his goldfish.
"I think it's got epilepsy," he tells the vet.
The vet takes a look and says, "It seems calm enough to me."
The blond man says, "Wait, I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet."
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A blond man spies a letter lying on his doormat.
It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND".
He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.
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For a different kind of blond joke:
"Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair -- given that you are blind -- that you should know five things:
One: The bartender is a blonde girl.
Two: The bouncer is a blonde girl.
Three: I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
Four: The woman sitting next to me is both blonde and a professional weightlifter.
Five: The lady to your right is both blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, "Nah...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
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For a really different blonde joke:
A blonde walks into a bank in NYC and says she needs to borrow $5,000 for a 2 week business trip in Europe. The bank officer says they'll need some kind of security so she hands over the keys and title to her Rolls Royce parked outside, and after it checks out they approve the loan and an employee parks her Rolls Royce in the underground parking lot of the bank, only to return to join in the laughing at the blonde for using a $250,000 car as collateral for a $5,000 loan.
Two weeks later the blonde returns and pays back the loan with the $15.41 interest. The bank officer thanks her but says, "Miss, we're very happy to have your business and the transaction worked out nicely, but we're puzzled. We checked you out and found you're a multimillionaire, so we were wondering why you needed a loan for $5,000?"
The blonde replies, "Where else in New York City can I expect to park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and still expect it to be there when I return?"
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A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa."
Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.
The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00."
This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"
The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer. "Okay, " says the lawyer, "your turn".
She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"
The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00.
The blonde says, "Thank you, " and turns back to get some more sleep.
The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"
Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.
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Blonde on the elevator
