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03-21-2015, 05:19 AM

Hello all!

I am a college student in a very conservative atmosphere and still in the closet. I like a guy who's in one of my classes. He is straight and has a girlfriend, but lately I have been noticing that he's more "friendly" with me. We met 2 yrs ago and since that day I felt attracted to him. we are good friends. We developed a good guy-friendship. I always joke dirty with him to the point where we are jokingly "sexting." One night I went to his room and after talking for a while, he caressed my cheek. Less than a week later he invited me to spend the night at his house while his parents were gone. I said yes but at the end he said that it was not going to work because someone else was staying there and didn't want to leave. I think he is doubting. What should I do now?

LJay · 03-21-2015, 01:56 PM

A. Go with the flow.
B. Learn how to be friends with a straight guy.
C. He's got a girlfriend and may want to be loyal to her, even if you develop a physical relationship.
D. Think about what a relationship between you two guys would possibly do to the girlfriend.
E. Consider that he may well not be interested in anything beyond experimenting.
F. Keep your eyes open for gay guys nearby.
G. Combine the above with exactly two bottle of good beer and a quiet afternoon alone.

jimcrackcorn · 03-21-2015, 03:50 PM

Your are setting yourself up for disappointment.

Most of us have been through this routine where we become attracted to our best friend who is straight, and assume any intimate encounter (such as him caressing your cheek) is an indication that he is interested in a romantic relationship with you..

I went through several of these one-sided relationships with my straight friends when I was young. It never worked out as I had hoped, and always ended up in heartache. Eventually, I realized I was getting nowhere by starting friendships with straight guys who I found attractive, and started moving in the right direction by making friends with people I knew were gay. It only took me a year to meet the love of my life once I got on the right track.

There is a slight chance your friend may also be in the "closet",,, and the only way for you to know if he is really interested in a romantic relationship with you - is to tell him you are gay, and see how he responds. He will most likely tell you that he is cool with you being gay, and then he'll establish boundaries by telling you he is straight. At this point, you will have to accept him as only a friend and forget about him being romantic with you. If,,,, he isn't straight,,, and confides that he is also sexually attracted to men,,, then you have a chance of turning this regular friendship into a romantic relationship.

Just remember,,, approximately 97% of the population is straight,,, and the odds are against you in this particular situation.

Until you can "come-out-of-the-closet" and start meeting other openly gay men, you will keep running into this problem.

Sincerely,
Jim

Borg69 · 03-21-2015, 04:01 PM

Give up the straight guy fantasy. Google where gay guys hang out in your area and focus on meeting guy's whom are available to you.

MikeW · 03-21-2015, 05:24 PM

JosefOlive15 Wrote:...I think he is doubting. What should I do now?

Like others have suggested… you can move however you want with this. Just don't go thinking there *IS* or ever can be anything more than a potential sexual flirtation with someone WITHOUT all the "coming out" issues. The guy may be gay or bi but if he isn't out to himself (apparently you are at least out to yourself) he's going to have conflicting thoughts and feelings and he's going to have to work through those, regardless of what happens.

Our concern is more for you. We don't know the other guy. He didn't come here asking for advice. You did. It's OK to do whatever you do but we're just suggesting you be aware of the potential outcomes for yourself, for him, and for the girl friend. These kinds of flirtations can easily become the kind of *drama* that are destructive.

If at all possible, get beyond innuendo -- which can easily be denied later on. Make it a conversation, what's going on here? The risk you're taking is coming out to him -- and potentially him coming out to you. Why not? It's got to start somewhere. What's the worst thing that can happen in this instance with this one guy. "Hey, I need to talk w/ you about something but before I do, I need to be assured this won't go any further than just you and I. Can you agree to that?"

Scary, I know, but its better than getting yourself entangled in a potentially sexual situation that involves not only another 'not out' guy but an innocent third party (GF) -- all of which could get very messy to say the least.

04-26-2015, 07:57 AM

Good news!!!!

04-26-2015, 07:58 AM

We kissed tonight! And we also did a little bit more than that... Wink

04-26-2015, 11:54 AM

JosefOlive15 Wrote:We kissed tonight! And we also did a little bit more than that...

I don't want to be a buzzkill, but go slowly and remember that the issues still remain...his identity as a straight guy, his girlfriend...those are hard things for a guy to give up....

I hope it works out, but try not to get too attached too quickly until you're clear on where he stands...

07-23-2015, 03:20 AM

After two encounters, we didn't see each other again. I stayed in the US during the summer and he went to summer school in Europe. He tried to avoid me before leaving and I thought he was trying to cut me off or something but then he messaged me on FB. We have remained in contact since then but we haven't talked about what happened between the two of us. I do not want to come out of the closet and I dont think he wants to either but I do want to meet with him again.

James · 07-23-2015, 03:36 AM

Everyone, the first thing is to stay safe yourself. you cannot help anyone else if you are forced to be out or to choose, stay safe, love life, always care as you don't know what kind word to a stranger will save a life, Jim