A New Conversation

[OceanOfRoofs]

Greetings,

I am brand new to this site so let me begin by thanking any/all who read this and give it their consideration. I am 23 years old, young professional and aspiring actor/writer (these warning signs are perfectly fair reasons to jump ship now). I am out and proud of who I am - but I will for most part be retaining a certain degree of privacy on this site. I am sure you are all (or at least most) lovely people, but my main objective is to use this is an outlet for open dialog and free expression about my sexuality, being a young gay man in this century and just general fun nonsense.

I titled this post "A New Conversation" as this truly is in many ways the first time I have really entered into a dialog such as this. I of course have talked in great depth with many about my sexuality/sexuality in general - but at times I often feel limited due to social grace. In NO way do I feel repressed or ashamed, I simply am always too self aware, an issue a person of any gender or any orientation I'm sure has felt.

I did not realize my sexuality (at least on a conscious level) until i was eighteen. Many theorize I was repressed or in denial, and while I of course can not self-analyze with bias I truly feel that is not the case - I just didn't have any sense of my sexual being. I did know that playing the part of the "romantic dominant" in a relationship was not something that felt right (I apologize, dominant is really not the right word but its the closest I can come up with). I have since learned that:

1. Gender/Sexual orientation in any dynamic should not play a part in who is more dominant or 'assertive" or "in control". For me, while I take great concern in my independence of mind, body and direction - I often find I am attracted to men with a more assertive, protective energy, perhaps this is something I need more of in my self and am seeking someone to imprint this one me?

2. I am gay (obviously).

My path is exactly the same as everyone else - it is unique to me.
I am not quite sure why I am doing this or who will take the time to read this vomit rant of thought - but I appreciate you so much if you do. Please believe me, from the bottom of this digital heart - I am so grateful for your time.

As I said, though happy and a member of so many networks in which I COULD express this - this platform (for now) feels the right place to do so. Any thoughts, feedback or questions to this, a new conversation are of course welcomed. I send this out into the void with eager hope.
Goodnight void, be well.

[Gideon]

Great intro, man. Welcome to GS.

I agree with you that gender or orientation should not determine who is in control. It's all about the person, not if they're male or female or gay or straight or bisexual. That's really got nothing at all to do with it.

Your comment about being attracted to men with a more "assertive, protective energy" while still being confident in your independence left me grinning as it reminded me of when Twist and I first met. I assure you I've never met another with as much independent spirit as he had/has. And yet, he's mine....go figure.

I have to say though, your "craving" for that dominance and protective energy doesn't necessarily mean that you want or need that in yourself. Just that you enjoy that energy, that space and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Hope you stick around, man. You were a refreshing and interesting read.

[MikeW]

Greetings,

I am brand new to this site ...

Welcome to GaySpeak I hope you enjoy hanging out with us.

First of all, there's nothing wrong with long posts if you have something to say -- and you obviously do. So stop with the self-criticism or the expectation that *we* are going to look at your words that way. We won't.

As for the dominant/sub topic… I've learned a lot from reading what @Twist and [MENTION=20938]Gideon[/MENTION] have had to say on the subject. Apparently this is a very key component of their relationship.

I, personally, don't even divide the world up that way… its almost like an alien concept to me or something. For me its all about flow, give-and-take, dynamic exchanges that are never static or static for very long.

The way I see it, for every opposite (e.g., sub/dom) there is an intermediate or reconciling principal that is as significant as the opposing polar opposites. Like the center point upon which a yin/yang spins, there can be no dynamic (and, therefore, no movement or life) without this pivot or fulcrum. … If that makes any sense.

So, in a relationship what is usually going on is far more complex than may be obvious to an outsider. For sure, in *some* ways one personality may appear to be more assertive, aggressive or dominant, but if looked at closely usually what one sees is that this is *not* an absolute or static. Usually there is some dynamic exchange of energy without which there isn't much 'fire' or 'passion'.

[Borg69]

Welcome to GS!

[Darius]

Welcome and it sounds like some interesting discussion could happen from what you said. I hope you get involved in some of the more fun topics, too. We are not one-dimensional here, as I am sure you know.

[CellarDweller]

welcome to the forum

[BarryAndBryan]

First off, Greetings and welcome!!! I agree, in most part, with my other friends here....I've never been attracted to a certain "type" of person...I've been in many relationships with many different personality types....take me and my husband for example....we are both on the "fem" side....which has never been an issues in our relationship at all...it's is our interests and our ideals on the world that make us so perfect for each other....we are so similar in many aspects...yet so different in others....I do not believe that it is a persons looks, mannerisms, or personality that you fall in love with....but a combination of all of those things....you fall in love with a persons soul.....----Barry

[Borg69]

I often find[B] I am attracted to men with a more assertive, protective energy, perhaps this is something I need more of in my self and am seeking someone to imprint this one me? [/B]

I lovingly refer to this as the "Disney Princess Complex". Where we envision our dream prince to come rescue us, save us, and give us purpose in life... where our soul existence is to be there for him as almost property, giving us an identity and purpose in life.

"Soul Mates". Hero. Protector. Guardian. That one utopian being whom will never hurt us, never betray us, never cheat, never lie. Unfortunately more times than not our princes inevitably turn out to be toads once the clock strikes midnight and the magical illusions fade and we see them for what they really are once the fantasy wears off.

Human. Flawed. Vulnerable. Needy. A reflection in the magic mirror of ourselves we often don't want to see for what it really is.

[OceanOfRoofs]

I lovingly refer to this as the "Disney Princess Complex". Where we envision our dream prince to come rescue us, save us, and give us purpose in life... where our soul existence is to be there for him as almost property, giving us an identity and purpose in life.

Borg69 - I fully agree / can see this!! I have never put it so succinctly but you are absolutely right. I don't feel though as if I am waiting to be "rescued" - I think its more validation that what I am already doing is OK and worthwhile, but same basic principal.

to everyone else - thank you for your thoughts and kind words, I will reply within more detail soon!!!

[BlueStar]

Nice to meet you