Being recognized as gay...

[meridannight]

I like more masculine guys like myself, and it's tough to know and let know others that I'm interested.

i don't know, i've never had a problem with this. if i meet a guy i am interested in hooking up with, i have no problem letting him know i am interested. it's in the way you interact with him. after a certain point it will click with him what you're about. or, under some circumstances, you can just go ahead and plain ask. but even in the general straight environment, this isn't an issue.

i see the problem as a more general one. being taken for straight in general by most people around, not for purposes of letting a guy know i am interested in him, but for purposes of my own identity and image.

[cbissbort]

Best way to cure boredom!

[cbissbort]

Hi Cbiss!

I know what you're talking about. While I may not be exactly the most masculine guy around, no body really ever expects me to be gay, and while lacking the gaydar ( and gaywaves , as my friends call it...you know, like sonar but gay sonar) I've been having the exact same problem.

I like more masculine guys like myself, and it's tough to know and let know others that I'm interested. However, for your accessory thing, I think you should get a dogtag.

I was considering the dog tag, and I may still get one, but I've already bought some stuff. I'll see how it goes, then maybe add that to my "arsenal". Thanks!

[cbissbort]

i don't know, i've never had a problem with this. if i meet a guy i am interested in hooking up with, i have no problem letting him know i am interested. it's in the way you interact with him. after a certain point it will click with him what you're about. or, under some circumstances, you can just go ahead and plain ask. but even in the general straight environment, this isn't an issue.

i see the problem as a more general one. being taken for straight in general by most people around, not for purposes of letting a guy know i am interested in him, but for purposes of my own identity and image.

Well, the difference here between Kenny's goals and yours is the difference between my goals and yours. Kenny and I aren't just looking to hookup, we're looking to actually get to know a guy and date him. It's easy to hookup with someone, especially in college. It's much, much harder to find a guy who is your type who you'd want to date.

[phillyboy1234]

i don't know, i've never had a problem with this. if i meet a guy i am interested in hooking up with, i have no problem letting him know i am interested. it's in the way you interact with him. after a certain point it will click with him what you're about. or, under some circumstances, you can just go ahead and plain ask. but even in the general straight environment, this isn't an issue.

i see the problem as a more general one. being taken for straight in general by most people around, not for purposes of letting a guy know i am interested in him, but for purposes of my own identity and image.

Years ago when the phone apps first became a big thing, I was on one and noticed someone from work. He was cute and I was only interested in a hookup, so I decided to test my in person skills as a relatively newly out gay guy. Consider the situation: I was timid, and here was someone I knew was gay but who did not know that I knew he was gay. In a sense it was gaydar cheating--I had proof! But what a perfect way to test my skills.

It was fairly easy. I just asked him out to a drink. He actually accepted my offer to go out for a drink and gave me his number as he blushed like a little school girl, but he must have had second thoughts as he texted me later about his "girlfriend". To this day I do still see him at work, infrequently (maybe a few times a year), and he still tells me of his non-existent girlfriend. I am his FB friend, and while he is an active poster, she appears in no post--not by photo, not by name, and not by passive mention. Other than him reminding people of his "taken" status, I don't think anyone would know he has a girlfriend. But oh well. So my skills worked, but of course I would be the person to use those skills on a deeply closeted guy!

Just curious, have you ever used an app? You could try it for that reason...as practice to try your in person skills.

[meridannight]

It was fairly easy. I just asked him out to a drink. He actually accepted my offer to go out for a drink and gave me his number as he blushed like a little school girl, but he must have had second thoughts as he texted me later about his "girlfriend". To this day I do still see him at work, infrequently (maybe a few times a year), and he still tells me of his non-existent girlfriend. I am his FB friend, and while he is an active poster, she appears in no post--not by photo, not by name, and not by passive mention. Other than him reminding people of his "taken" status, I don't think anyone would know he has a girlfriend. But oh well. So my skills worked, but of course I would be the person to use those skills on a deeply closeted guy!

yeah, it's really not that difficult as some people make it look like. and there's also no ''higher math'' involved. you see a guy you like, find a way to talk to him, to interact with him, to communicate with him. that's all there is to it. it just takes the courage (it's not really even courage, just a little bit of initiative) to make that first move. but you talk to him, you see what he's like, what he feels like to you, and you'll understand whether there's anything there or not. it's rather straightforward, but subtle at the same time. and i love interacting with men, even if it's just on a friendly basis, so even if nothing comes of it, to me, it can a pleasurable experience nevertheless.

[MENTION=18508]East[/MENTION] has pointed out several times that he feels whether a guy is interested or not, or whether they'll be having sex. it's the same for me, those parts could have been written by me. i can feel a guy. i'm not saying that i know this about every guy. it's not the case with everyone (where would be the fun with that?), some guys are more difficult to read, and some guys are just on the uncertain side. but with some guys it's just obvious. and when it's there i know. and, likewise, with others it's obvious that there is no interest.

Just curious, have you ever used an app? You could try it for that reason...as practice to try your in person skills.

not the apps. i have tried the online hookups through sites for gay men. and i tried both for sex, and dating. for sex, it was fine. you both know what you want and you get together and get it on. but dating......never again. it's like going backwards for me. you can't just up and ''date'' a guy you've never seen and talked to in person. and everything about the process is like grinding against the grain for me. i also feel like i'm compromising who i am. this just isn't me. i tried the dating thing a couple of times, and it's an unnatural way for me to go about it. so, no, i will never get myself involved in that again. i feel much more comfortable doing it in person.

i consider myself lucky that when i was growing up we didn't have the internet and the cell phone culture like we do now. i grew up in the real world, interacting with real people. and this is how i prefer it. this is the most natural way for me to interact with people. maybe the younger guys growing up today are compromising their interpersonal skills this way, i don't know. but i do know how it was when i was younger, and i think it was better.

PS. i don't understand how apps would help anybody practice their in person skills? ??

[phillyboy1234]

PS. i don't understand how apps would help anybody practice their in person skills? ??

It was an unusual situation indeed. I think some guys are held back by the thought of approaching a straight man and confusing him for gay. I know I was at first. Now much less so, especially considering how you approach a guy can make things apparent before anything gets awkward. In any case, I felt good approaching the guy since I knew he was gay, but he didn't know I was gay...I basically used it as practice.

It is not something most people will be able to do. However, the OP goes to school in a small town, on an app he might find people he recognizes and he can start by approaching them in person, not in that creepy "saw you on an app" way but rather by knowing that they are gay and evidently open to meeting other guys. Since he wants to see if others recognize his "gay signals" he could try them out on such guys.

[East]

It was an unusual situation indeed. I think some guys are held back by the thought of approaching a straight man and confusing him for gay. I know I was at first. Now much less so, especially considering how you approach a guy can make things apparent before anything gets awkward. In any case, I felt good approaching the guy since I knew he was gay, but he didn't know I was gay...I basically used it as practice.

It is not something most people will be able to do. However, the OP goes to school in a small town, on an app he might find people he recognizes and he can start by approaching them in person, not in that creepy "saw you on an app" way but rather by knowing that they are gay and evidently open to meeting other guys. Since he wants to see if others recognize his "gay signals" he could try them out on such guys.

I don't ever really wonder if a guy is gay or not....like...never. I don't remember ever wondering if any guy was gay...and I think because I just wasn't interested or didn't care...

The only time it matters is if I am interested in a relationship..then they MUST be gay...LOL

My gut... or soul... does all of the talking otherwise. I am pretty sure some of the guys I have been with were predominately straight or predominately gay AFTER I had sex with them...but the sexual seduction part...I just tune in to the guy and do the dance. If nothing happens...as [MENTION=21405]meridannight[/MENTION] said...I have no problem because I love getting to know men and don't regret any of it.

In other situations...like if they are in a gay nightclub...I don't always bother with the dance...I just ask a man if he wants to fuck with no expectations or no regrets or fears or attitude if I am rejected. It works just as well LOL...but maybe not as fun or erotic.

As opposed to other ways I have heard about or anything you wear...I can attest to the success rate of my approach...and it is very successful. I don't make any man I want to have sex with prove anything to me or put them on the spot or ask them to be anything or anyone that they aren't...nor do I ask them to define themselves in any way. For me...it is all about the chemistry and the vibe and the sex...I like it when sex is about sex and not some kind of trap.....this is like catnip for most men. That is the mistake so many women (and men) make...with men....

"this means that...and that means this"...UGH...NOT a good vibe to have when trying to connect on another level...maybe good to weed out men you know you don't want to meet though BEFORE you do the dance......

[cbissbort]

Just curious, have you ever used an app? You could try it for that reason...as practice to try your in person skills.

Oh yes, definitely. I don't really have problems with in-person skills, once I'm able to accurately identify whom I should use them on. That's the one issue I have, no gaydar.

[cbissbort]

The only time it matters is if I am interested in a relationship..then they MUST be gay...LOL

This is my problem in a nutshell. I'm not interested in hooking up anymore. I've had my fill of that. All I'm looking for is a relationship.

Sadly, I've had the problem where I see a gay that I'm attracted to physically and then assume that he's gay (even though I have zero indicators of that), and then try to pursue that. That ended up with me making a best friend that I fell in love with, which then ruined our friendship because he's a hyper-conservative, bigoted Christian. He even told me that I have a "gay agenda." The only thing on my "gay agenda" is to find a guy that I can lift with and then pin up against a wall once we get home. (Oh and he has to be able to at least help with cooking.)

So, this is why I'd prefer to make it known, in a moderately discreet manner, that I'm gay. That way the other person may be more comfortable opening up about being gay, if they are. I generally tend to come off as straight, and, in the gym environment, especially if you're one of the more muscular guys, it seems to be an issue (mostly for others) if you're gay. I try to be an accommodating person, so striking a balance is critical: sound straight (which makes other lifters less hostile and apprehensive), but have the accessories/clothing (which they'll only really pay attention to if they're gay and interested, or you're talking to them face-to-face) which makes it apparent that you're not.

Obviously we are all young, being at a four year university, so not many of us have gotten comfortable with disregarding what our peers think of us or say about us. I acknowledge this as being a problem, and can envision solutions to it, a couple of which I mentioned above. Making a (closeted/potentially-closeted/discreet) guy comfortable usually comes from attending to the social issue I just mentioned. If you "seem" straight, then his friends won't give him shit about "being gay" or " you're friends with that fag!?" which often happens with groups of insecure, young, hyper-masculine guys, a.k.a. virtually every serious/skilled/accomplished lifter ever. I've read several articles and studies about how homophobic guys tend to have more homosexual thoughts, with a positive correlation between the number/intensity of the thoughts and the number/intensity of homophobic thoughts/actions. So you could take a chance and try to go after the slightly-to-moderately homophobic guys, who may turn out to be gay haha.