Hi Guys! I Have Never Had Sex With A Man

[bolson14]

Hi guys! Nice comments on this board.
I will treasure your advice both now and in the days to come.

I come to you and beg you please to advise me.

I will be truthful since you will be able to be more tailored in your suggestions.
I am a 28 year old African American living in nyc. I am employed in sales and would love to have a boyfriend.

I have never had sex with a man or even fully with a woman. Not that I didn't want to with a woman when I was a teen, I did but stopped midway because the religion that I was born into is deep into my life and my social existence.

The girl was disappointed but knew why I withheld my orgasm. She knew the rules of my religion.
(Dont feel bad. She promptly went elsewhere)

That is only to show you the level of control effected by my religion coupled with the traditional black male authority figure's fear of having to tell his friends that he has a gay family member. Yes, all of that and more.

I still care about my creator but the truth is they teach that there is no place among them for people like me.
I had a few opportunities over the years which I turned down to have sex. And also I have said to hell with it and gone to sex clubs and gay clubs and been rejected every time when I went looking.

I want a boyfriend. I wanted one when I was in high school. All the years in between and all the comforts of being special to one person.
I desperately need a guy that i am attracted to to tell me that i am special just to them.

I lived in another state for awhile but I have returned to nyc because I love! love! love! Latino men.

So, I have a latino guy on my job who is my type.
I have done everything discreetly to let him know that I want him.
I have kept repeatedly crossing his path. I look for excuses to talk to him and I go to him for assistance over other people.

He knows that I want him and he enjoys the attention because he looks pleased when he catches me watching him discreetly.
this is a major problem in my life. The guys I like act like they don't want the same thing when their expression says, I like this. I like the way you are looking at me.

I know a glare from a welcoming smile and am cautious.

I told the guy I like finally that I wanted to tell him something.
his pleased look told me he was eager. I don't believe in office romances and my main goal is to be introduced by some one at work to someone they know who could be a good match for me.
I told him I wanted to call him but he refused to give me his phone number.
I asked him to call me at home but he refused to take my phone number.

Yet every time I see him he looks pleased to see my desire for him.

I took a risk and told him in a private corner that I like him but he said no, he doesn't go that way, telling me that I shouldn't bring it up to him again because that's not him.
but, he then told me to tell him all the other feelings that I am having for him to get it off my chest!

I haven't brought it up since.

Now, another problem has sprung up. There is a gym near my job so this body builder frequents my workplace.
I interact with customers all day but this man has been stalking me for over one year now.
He constantly keeps coming to me for assistance which is fine. And I am very friendly with him and always entertain his questions and small talk.

I have met him in the neighborhood of the job and it's the same story. In restaurants he just keeps hovering. I have sat by myself my back to him with an open book until he left. Then next day he was back in my job looking to chat.

He is not my type.
I don't go for bulky body builders, I am a regular size guy below a swimmers build.

My instincts tells me no about this guy. I can see something controlling about his personality.

How do I handle this without crushing him?
How do I tell him, Stop!

[Camrovel]

Hi there!
While I am not an expert on relationships or love, I think you could use a couple of these pieces of advice.
First off, as far as religion goes, I think everyone is entitled to believe in anything that makes them feel their life is complete. I'm an agnostic, so I don't believe in god. But I do not judge anyone who does. I mainly disagree with religion! I think they just create a set of rules to make their followers live a certain "perfect" life, which doesn't exit!
I think you should feel god in your heart in the way that makes you feel closer to him regardless of what religious standards are in place. You and only you can determine what's right or wrong in your life. Do whatever you feel is right for you!
About your office crush, well... we all go through something like that from time to time. Whats' really important is to know how you present yourself. As humans, we just can't decide who to love, but we can try to control our emotions in a certain way. Being friends with the guy is fine as long as you know your limits and do not cross any line there.
Same thing goes for the guy who stalks who... he might turn out to be a good friend if you know how to treat him right. Just open up a little and have a nice chat with him. Let him know you're not interested in dating him ...just talking. A good friend of mine once told me "no one is so rich to throw away a friend." And if in the end the guy just wants to get in your pants, then just let him know what your real interests are. Just be honest!

Hope any of this can be of any help!

[Beaux]

I desperately need a guy that i am attracted to to tell me that i am special just to them.
I do not think that is going to be a problem for you. I am absolutely positive that some man, nay MANY men, are going to refer to you in the future as "SPECIAL".
So, I have a latino guy on my job who is my type.
I have done everything discreetly to let him know that I want him.
I have kept repeatedly crossing his path. I look for excuses to talk to him and I go to him for assistance over other people.

He knows that I want him and he enjoys the attention because he looks pleased when he catches me watching him discreetly.
this is a major problem in my life. The guys I like act like they don't want the same thing when their expression says, I like this. I like the way you are looking at me.

I know a glare from a welcoming smile and am cautious.

No, I do not believe that you do know the difference. AT ALL.

I told the guy I like finally that I wanted to tell him something.
his pleased look told me he was eager. I don't believe in office romances and my main goal is to be introduced by some one at work to someone they know who could be a good match for me.
I told him I wanted to call him but he refused to give me his phone number.
I asked him to call me at home but he refused to take my phone number.

Yet every time I see him he looks pleased to see my desire for him.
AGAIN, You ability to distinguish between Desire and Fear seems to be severely lacking.

I took a risk and told him in a private corner that I like him but he said no, he doesn't go that way, telling me that I shouldn't bring it up to him again because that's not him.
but, he then told me to tell him all the other feelings that I am having for him to get it off my chest!

I haven't brought it up since.
The most intelligent thing you have written in this entire post. Bar None.
Now, another problem has sprung up. There is a gym near my job so this body builder frequents my workplace.
I interact with customers all day but this man has been stalking me for over one year now.
He constantly keeps coming to me for assistance which is fine. And I am very friendly with him and always entertain his questions and small talk.

I have met him in the neighborhood of the job and it's the same story. In restaurants he just keeps hovering. I have sat by myself my back to him with an open book until he left. Then next day he was back in my job looking to chat.

He is not my type.
I don't go for bulky body builders, I am a regular size guy below a swimmers build.

My instincts tells me no about this guy. I can see something controlling about his personality.
AGAIN, your "instincts" seem better defined as "Delusional"...

How do I handle this without crushing him?
I seriously doubt that this is going to be a problem.

How do I tell him, Stop!

If you MUST (which I advise against, as he will likely tell your employer that you are insane), then just tell him that you are not intrested in him romantically (his resulting look of befuddlement is NOT "desire"...).


I do not mean to come across as cruel, however, past experience has taught me that the best way to deal with people exhibiting delusional behavior is brutal honesty.

I HIGHLY recommend you seek out professional psychiatric help. SOON.

There is NOTHING in your post that leads me to believe that you are living anywhere but a world of your own creation.

SERIOUSLY, SEEK OUT A PROFESSIONAL THERAPIST.

~Beaux

[bolson14]

Beaux,
could you explain to me the difference between a welcoming smile and a glare as you think I see it?
You are saying that I am delusional. Can you point out how?
What is it that you know so certainly that I am not seeing in my coworker?

[bolson14]

Hi there!
While I am not an expert on relationships or love, I think you could use a couple of these pieces of advice.
First off, as far as religion goes, I think everyone is entitled to believe in anything that makes them feel their life is complete. I'm an agnostic, so I don't believe in god. But I do not judge anyone who does. I mainly disagree with religion! I think they just create a set of rules to make their followers live a certain "perfect" life, which doesn't exit!
I think you should feel god in your heart in the way that makes you feel closer to him regardless of what religious standards are in place. You and only you can determine what's right or wrong in your life. Do whatever you feel is right for you!
About your office crush, well... we all go through something like that from time to time. Whats' really important is to know how you present yourself. As humans, we just can't decide who to love, but we can try to control our emotions in a certain way. Being friends with the guy is fine as long as you know your limits and do not cross any line there.
Same thing goes for the guy who stalks who... he might turn out to be a good friend if you know how to treat him right. Just open up a little and have a nice chat with him. Let him know you're not interested in dating him ...just talking. A good friend of mine once told me "no one is so rich to throw away a friend." And if in the end the guy just wants to get in your pants, then just let him know what your real interests are. Just be honest!

Hope any of this can be of any help!

Thank you for your careful reply.

[Beaux]

Beaux,
could you explain to me the difference between a welcoming smile and a glare as you think I see it?
You are saying that I am delusional. Can you point out how?
What is it that you know so certainly that I am not seeing in my coworker?

The guy told you, in no uncertain terms that he is not intrested in you. The fact that you seem to believe that "His mouth says No, but his eyes say Yes" lead me to believe that you are delusional. That's the kind of thing rapists say.
~Beaux

[bolson14]

The guy told you, in no uncertain terms that he is not intrested in you. The fact that you seem to believe that "His mouth says No, but his eyes say Yes" lead me to believe that you are delusional. That's the kind of thing rapists say.
~Beaux

I know what you mean.
And I understand how it sounds on the surface.
But I know that other men have experienced this. Where if gay sex was more accepted and there was never any form of consequences in the community some of the straightest men would be your most energetic gay partners.

They think about it
They are tempted by cannot suffer the risk.
So they secretly watch porn or whatever.

I happen to know for a fact that many among my close straight friends receive erections and are tempted to go further, sometimes even desperately resisting the urge to touch or lean against and or rub along the man who is beside them.

[Beaux]

I know what you mean.
And I understand how it sounds on the surface.
But I know that other men have experienced this. Where if gay sex was more accepted and there was never any form of consequences in the community some of the straightest men would be your most energetic gay partners.But it isn't accepted and he isn't going to be your "energetic" partner.

They think about it
They are tempted by cannot suffer the risk.
So they secretly watch porn or whatever. Even if that is the case, they are not doing it publiclly and they certainly are not going to be with you publiclly.

I happen to know for a fact that many among my close straight friends receive erections and are tempted to go further, sometimes even desperately resisting the urge to touch or lean against and or rub along the man who is beside them. Be that as it may, you say you want a boyfriend. These men are not boyfriend material as they do not want to have a relationship with you regardless. If you are serious about wanting an adult, long-term relationship, then you have to start acting like an adult instead of fantasizing about men who are not genuinely intrested in you and look for one that IS intrested in you. There is no Santa, no Easter Bunny, and straight guys cannot ever genuinely love you back. Stop fantasizing, it makes you sound mental. Act like an adult and look for an adult relationship with someone who is also openly gay. Otherwise you are just wasting your time and ours.

Get out into the city and meet other gay men,
~Beaux

[Borg69]

I'm with [MENTION=13210]Beaux[/MENTION] -

Your hormones are making you see things that aren't there in desperation of getting you laid, and some kind of intimacy. You need to hang out in gay locations and figure out some kind of relationship with gay guys and give up these false fantasies with unobtainable men.

[Darius]

Hi bolson, glad you are here. What you describe about yourself and your experiences so far doesn't sound so unusual for someone who is inexperienced. A lot of it is trial and error as you feel your way along. So misreading someone is not so odd. You just don't want to fall into the trap of "I know he's straight, but even straight guys want gay sex".
You said you want a bf and not a one night stand, so that means forget everyone who says they are straight. Is it possible that the muscle guy is misreading your signals, too?

You have to learn to read other people for different reasons, too. I don't mean this to sound rude, but you posted your race. There will be guys who will want you just because you are black. Just like there are guys who are attracted to asians, as you are attracted to latinos. There is nothing wrong with that, but it has to go deeper than a surface attraction if it's going to last, right?

Let us know how things go with you.