Am I imagining things?

[strangeblackguy]

There's a guy on another website who I have a "slight crush" on. He's goodlooking, but also extremely intelligent, witty and tries to help people with advice, in his dry humorous way.

I messaged him about his username, which I found interesting and he was confused, because I am horrible at communicating and I just felt so lame, that I thought I should just leave him alone.

That was a few months ago.

Then about a month ago, the website said I had a message from him, but then flagged the message as spam. I told him that his account had been sending me spam, so he could be aware. He replied back, but I assumed it was just a "thanks" message. I never opened it, because the website notifies you when people read your messages and I figured he didn't care to hear from me.

WELL, I forgot about that website and recently logged back in and I noticed my inbox was empty. (The website also allows you to delete unread messages you have sent) This surprised me because that means he saw I didn't read it and..canceled it. Which means...he remotely cared about a reply? Or the message could have been flagged as spam and deleted.

At any rate, I messaged him saying that the website's notification emails said I got a message from him(true), but that it was now gone, so it might have been spam.

He replied back saying that the website was very glitchy (so maybe he didn't delete the message, who knows) and then ended his message saying that he liked my profile.

Now this confused the heck out of me. He is extremely goodlooking and has a lot of people on that website lusting after him. This is part of the reason I regretted looking so awkward when I initially messaged him. I..just didn't think I'd remotely be on his radar. I am used to messaging guys and having them never reply, because I know they have 200+ messages in their inbox.

I decided that this was an invitation to continue messaging him, so I asked him about an upcoming movie that was related to his original username(which he has since changed) and he said he was going to see it on opening night and ended his message with a smile.

Now, I have been at that website for some time...and he responds to everyone in a very dry sarcastic manner that if you weren't familar with him, might be taken as him being mean.

I've never seen him speak to anybody in the friendly manner in which he addressed me, in his recent messages.

So...I want to ask him out in real life. Not to date. But to meet. We live in different states, but we're close enough for it to not be far. (NY metro area)

How do I go about doing this? A part of me wants to ask if he wants to see that movie with me, but he might be going with friends and that'd be rude or creepy. And maybe being in another state, wanting to meet up for a movie is creepy and too much, too soon.

For my age, I am extremely socially inept...so what is the proper protocol?

Should I just continue to message him and feel him out? Perhaps I am jumping the gun.

[Borg69]

What are your expectations? Just because he's being friendly doesn't mean he has any romantic inclinations. He could... but it's way too soon to be insinuating more than friendly banter. It feels like you're picking out wedding dresses already just because he replied to a few general questions.

[Rareboy]

Jesus.

Talk about way overcomplicating thinking.

Just come out and ask him if he'd like to chat more with you on-line after he has seen the movie to see what he thought about it.

I'm suspecting that with only one or two messages so far...and the confusion around them...he is polite enough to respond but not chasing after you certainly.

Asking an out of state guy to go to a movie with you? I guess it is okay...but I would think you might want to figure out if you actually have a little more in common before asking him out on a date.

Baby steps.

[phillyboy1234]

You have certainly thought this one through.

Online dating can be tough. Just like texting, you lose many non-verbal and verbal cues when you can't interact with a person or hear their vocal responses in a conversation. So a smiley online...what does it mean? Does it mean he has interest? Or does he end all happy conversations with a smiley, because he is that type of individual?

At this point, I think you have no choice but to dive right in and just ask him on a date. Most people form a rule of going on a date within a week or two of conversation, but your OP suggests that this has been ongoing for months! So enough of the disclarity, let's clear it all up right now. Go for something innocent like coffee--it tends to be a day date which leads to very few expectations. You can meet in person, see what he is like, and truly find out if there is any interest. If you meet and realize that you would never want to date him, then smiley or no smiley, it means nothing.

Keep us posted!

[LJay]

Hi, this website is crazy. If you want to get in touch, how about emailing to........

[East]

I might be the opposite of you though I have never used a dating app for anything...I am old. If I am interested in someone...I make sure they know it and if I don't get a clear signal back...I just ask them upfront and directly if they want to ______________(fill in the blank...I am as blunt as the situation requires)...

So instead of trying to guess where he is at or what he is thinking...just ask him out. Risk everything. If you are rejected...take it as an opportunity for personal growth so the next time you will try again..but not wait so long.

I think taking risks is healthy and necessary. You will never really get a clear answer dissecting the whole thing....