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04-05-2015, 07:55 PM

AlexBravo Wrote:Yes, but I think my biggest problem is I never learned to show me as I am , I was always a farce and thanks to that I do not know how to stop the theater that I rode .
All this made me one more player only used to satisfy any biological needs because I can't give someone that special place that it deserves and I hurt a lot of people that way .

I've always hated myself for being gay but ... I've known people who have become important in my life and have always been there without judging , always supporting me and saying " be happy " so I do want to say but all in time, because if I want to say something like that I must begin by loving me as I really am.

Ok, others on this forum who are a little more knowledgeable than you will tell you this:
Do you know why your pain is so intense? It is because of where you live!
I cannot stress enough the pressure put on gay men by every single one of the people in a community in repressed and dangerous countries. From the young to oldest age in the community they are taught from early and learn by example to oppress you..

I lived overseas and you cannot drink a beer in a bar with the television overhead showing a gay man before the entire bar erupts with death threats and other derogatory comments.

I hope others here will help you with this Alex, because what you need now is a life of complete safety around you.
So that you can get up in the morning knowing that your day will be safe and that you will go to bed at night and feel safe not just in your imagination but for real.

A big part of this is going to be a carefully selected therapist.
Not just any therapist but the right and perfect therapist for your specific problems.

04-05-2015, 08:41 PM

Welcome to GS!

I'm only a little older than you, and I think that at our age we're still growing and evolving into the people that we want to be. You seem to have a pretty good handle on who you want to be and what you need to do. I hope that discussing things here and listening to older/wiser members will be a help - I know that it has been for me.

...and BTW, your English is fine, have no worries on that account...

MikeW · 04-05-2015, 10:49 PM

AlexBravo Wrote:... I've always hated myself for being gay but ... I've known people who have become important in my life and have always been there without judging , always supporting me and saying " be happy " so I do want to say but all in time, because if I want to say something like that I must begin by loving me as I really am.

Welcome to the forum. We're glad you are here and hope we can be of help to you. You're certainly not the only young gay man in this kind of situation (not totally out, not yet totally self-accepting, etc.). What [MENTION=22470]Pyromancer[/MENTION] said is right, you're still very young. I was "more or less" sexually active at your age (and younger) but I didn't FULLY become self-accepting for many years after that. I'll spare you the details. The point is, you'r not alone. You're among on-line friends who can and will accept you. It can take years to deal with these issues -- and, of course, the culture you are in plays a part in that. What it is like here in the US or Europe, isn't what it is like other places in the world. Still, I do believe it is possible for you to find more self-acceptance and courage to be yourself.

One way to begin looking at it that might help is to consider that all this is a WAY bigger issue to US (inside our own heads) than it is for most other people. In a way we give what we're *afraid* other people will think of us WAY more power and importance than it actually has. In other words, it is a matter of perspective. Sex is just ONE small part of our lives. Yes, it is an important part (especially for horny young men) but it is only one part. As you get older it begins to "balance out" with other parts of yourself.

The short of it: Don't worry, be happy! Wavey

04-07-2015, 04:14 AM

bolson14 Wrote:Ok, others on this forum who are a little more knowledgeable than you will tell you this:
Do you know why your pain is so intense? It is because of where you live!
I cannot stress enough the pressure put on gay men by every single one of the people in a community in repressed and dangerous countries. From the young to oldest age in the community they are taught from early and learn by example to oppress you..

I lived overseas and you cannot drink a beer in a bar with the television overhead showing a gay man before the entire bar erupts with death threats and other derogatory comments.

I hope others here will help you with this Alex, because what you need now is a life of complete safety around you.
So that you can get up in the morning knowing that your day will be safe and that you will go to bed at night and feel safe not just in your imagination but for real.

A big part of this is going to be a carefully selected therapist.
Not just any therapist but the right and perfect therapist for your specific problems.

I guess you have a lot of reason in you words and I feel blessed for all that I have and the people that everyday stay here with me but i don't feel crazy like take a therapy, I just need my space and like say Mr. Mike "Don't worry, Be Happy" I'm not the first or last kid in this situation.