What's the hope?

[estudantet]

This is probably gonna be my last post here.

I'm 22yo, from Brazil. I have depressing feelings very often and anxiety as well. I tend to be quite needy and I tend to look for attention (like I am doing right now). I am lazy and I don't have a lot of willpower.

I am closeted and really afraid to be outed. Also really afraid of rejection. So I go on chatrooms trying to find some nice guy who I could possibly meet one day after getting to know him better. But that neverh happens, cause I'm too afraid and too ashamed of myself. Most of them leave when I say I won't show a picture right away or when I say I am chubby anyway.

I am fat. I am also disgusting. Fat, flacid, I got terrible stretch marks, I'm not a good looking type. My ass is full of acne. My foresking is long and tights and I got something called Fordyce spots on it... they look really bad like many many many pimples on your penis (it's not a rash or any STD,). I'm really disgusting in many ways.

Is there any hope? I can't really see myself working things out. I'm also not able to stop going on gay chatrooms and things like that anymore, for some reason. So I'm stuck in this cycle of sadness. Even caught myself considering getting castrated to stop the pain of having sexual desires and the need for physical contact...just seems like it would be much simpler if those feeling were not there.

I'm stuck and I can see no way I out. I need to either break through all that or just give up for once and never think about hooking up, sex, finding a partner or any of that.

[East]

STOP going to the chatrooms...

Get yourself a good therapist...there is a reason for your low self esteem that goes beyond the weight...let a therapist help you get in touch with it...and heal you...it can be done...

Start a weight loss program and start going top the gym. MILLIONS of people in your same situation have turned this around...and you can too....if a part of you didn't want to...you would not have written this post...

There is a ALWAYS hope...

[estudantet]

I can't bring myself to a therapist... I'm sorry. Too shy, too much of coward and too stupid.

I'm on my own. I hate the gym and I can't control myself around food anymore. I guess I have given up already...

[East]

I can't bring myself to a therapist... I'm sorry. Too shy, too much of coward and too stupid.

I'm on my own. I hate the gym and I can't control myself around food anymore. I guess I have given up already...

You do have to want to do it...and for that...I have no answer. I am sorry...I don't know how to make someone want to help themselves...and that is a necessary part of it.

I do suspect you want to...but you need to get out of your own way with the negative thinking...and you do need some help. I sincerely hope you can find a way out of your situation...

[MikeW]

This is probably gonna be my last post here. .....

Well, that's too bad. YOU are exactly the kind of guy who NEEDS to be posting here and reading here on a regular basis. NOT some chat room where you're negative self image is just going to get RE-enforced over and over again.

What [MENTION=18508]East[/MENTION] said is right, no one can change you. No one can make you happy. All that is up to you -- just as it is up to all of us. MANY of us have had to deal with adversity of various kinds. It's true, some guys are born with more advantages than others... But just about everyone struggles with *something* in their lives. Ok, so you have all these problems and you're saying your stupid and lazy and don't want to change... but obviously some part of you DOES want to change... or at least wants to be happier than you are. We can give advice and support if you want to work on yourself. We can give you positive attention and give you some hope. There IS hope but ONLY if you are willing to begin making some changes in your life.

So, come back. Tell me... are you willing to even try? If not, no, there is no hope. If so, yes, there is. It is up to you.

[estudantet]

I don't know how to try. I have no energy to try. So I guess no, If it's up to me... there's no hope.

[MikeW]

I don't know how to try. I have no energy to try. So I guess no, If it's up to me... there's no hope.

Who the hell else would it be up to?

[Camfer]

Maybe this thread will give you hope:

https://gayspeak.com/showthread.php?t=35485

Print out your opening post and take it to a doctor. Any kind of doctor. You need help.
Good luck.

[estudantet]

Who the hell else would it be up to?

I don't know... I guess I'm hoping someone will say something or do something that will push me... I know it probably makes no sense, but it's beyond my capabilities to seek help right now. It's not that I don't want to make an effort... I am just not able to. I need someone to step in and take me out of this place I am I guess...

Thanks for that post Camfer... but I don't think I have it in me to do the same that guy did. I just really don't believe in myself anymore.

I guess I have to get used to the idea of being on my own. I need to learn to be okay with that.


Anyway... I'm sorry for talking about this nonsense..

[Pyromancer]

I can't bring myself to a therapist... I'm sorry. Too shy, too much of coward and too stupid.

I'm on my own. I hate the gym and I can't control myself around food anymore. I guess I have given up already...

If you had given up, you wouldn't be posting here asking if there's any hope. For fucksake, stop whining and get your ass (flab, acne and whatever) to a mental health center. Your depressed. Depression screws with your ability to judge yourself objectively. Your post scares me...castration? What's next...suicide? Your post REALLY scares me.

I'm not being mean, although I can't decide whether I want to hug you or kick your ass.

You. Need. To. Get. Help.