Having less sex - tiredness, age or... something else?

[East]

It could be anything...but when you said something just "feels different"...it could very well be what [MENTION=22470]Pyromancer[/MENTION] suggested.

[mvoco]

I've agreed for him to sleep with a woman. It's all happened so quickly and I didn't think it was that big a deal at the time but now... I'm starting to think what the hell have I done!

A friend of mine, who is used to actors and theatrical folk, messaged me last night and suggested that maybe it really is tiredness and that perhaps whatever storyline he is working at the moment is tough going and that some actors get so into their characters they sometimes take on their moods. I remembered him saying once that storylines can be mentally and emotionally draining sometimes, so then I felt kind of sorry for him. He's not working today so I went around first thing this morning, made him go back to bed whilst I made breakfast and after breakfast got into bed with him. The mood was light, easy going, we started kissing and when my hands started to wander he didn't suddenly decide he had something else to do!

I went down on him and I thought HURRAH - we're back to normal! Once he'd climaxed, I not unrealistically thought it was my turn! I was so hard and he did fondle me a little but then suggested I masturbate as he'd like to watch me! He has never suggested that before, but I thought ok, maybe this will spice things up a little and if this is what it takes to get him going again... But I had barely finished when he hopped off the bed and into the shower! I decided enough was enough and I wanted some straight answers, so when he came back I sat him down and explained my concerns and insisted on a proper answer.

He did say tiredness was a lot of it, the last few weeks of work had been tough he said. But I could sense a 'but' and told him so... He said he's been thinking a lot about an ex of his - a woman, and he admitted that he has been getting sexually aroused by thoughts of her and masturbating when I'm not there. He apologised and said he didn't want it to sound like he's not into me anymore but that it has always been the case that sometimes sexually he's more into women. He said it had been an issue with his ex (last ex) too and that he they had agreed on a number of occasions that he could sleep with women - including the one he's currently fantasising about.
It so happens she arrives in England today (she hasn't even been in the same country and she's been turning him on more than me!) and he's meeting up with her and a few other friends this weekend in another part of the country. I was supposed to be going but can't because of a family thing. Basically, he was asking my permission to sleep with her - if the possibility arose (he did admit she might want to remain completely platonic). I know people who've had open relationships and always thought - each to their own, and never had an issue with it in theory. We talked it through a bit and I thought why not, if it doesn't affect our relationship and it isn't going to become a regular thing. I was honestly quite calm about the whole thing.

Until about an hour ago after he'd left and suddenly I felt nervous! I can't tell my mates I've agreed to him sleeping with someone else as I know their opinions on open relationships. He and I have agreed that this isn't necessarily a precedent, and that we will have to discuss it further next week but that for this weekend he has a 'free pass' - only for her! I keep alternating between being fine with it and being nervous.

[East]

^^^He is having conflicted feelings^^^ That is why he hasn't had sex with you. As you both agreed ahead of time.... let him work them out....

[Darius]

It doesn't really sound like you are okay with it. You are trying hard to accommodate him, even making excuses for his behavior. If he really is bisexual and he doesn't feel he can be faithful to you, then you are looking to be hurt if this isn't okay with you. I think you have to be honest with yourself about what you want and not just what he wants. This isn't just about him.

You sound like an understanding guy. Just don't forget to think about yourself either.

[mvoco]

It doesn't really sound like you are okay with it. You are trying hard to accommodate him, even making excuses for his behavior. If he really is bisexual and he doesn't feel he can be faithful to you, then you are looking to be hurt if this isn't okay with you. I think you have to be honest with yourself about what you want and not just what he wants. This isn't just about him.

You sound like an understanding guy. Just don't forget to think about yourself either.

Theoretically I'm ok with it, we did talk it through and I did agree. I guess I suddenly just started thinking a little too much about it actually happening in detail! He has never explained why they broke up, despite being very open about other past relationships. I think my main worry is that it's not just sex, that he still has feelings for her. I had agreed to drop off some stuff for his son today and the boy's mother and I got chatting. Turns out their son has been getting bullied recently at school, kids calling him gay (which apparently isn't a first). He's a very gentle, polite little boy and I hate to think of him being bullied. His mum said what is new about the bullying is that other boys have been saying his dad is gay and calling him a queer etc. His son doesn't know anything about his sexuality - just thinks I'm a close "mate" of his dad's! They found out about the bullying a couple of weeks ago it seems, though my guy didn't mention anything to me about it. It's probably got nothing to do with it, but I did wonder if this might have something to do with him suddenly taking an interest in women again and if he wants to try and play it straight for a while.

He called to say he and his mates had gone for a lovely dinner and were going to the pub. The Woman was there but he made no mention of whether it's likely something will happen with her or not. To top it all off my mum has been asking me all evening if she's ever going to meet my "new man"! I wish I could wake up and have it be Monday when he's home so we can sit and talk!

[thainhan]

he has conflicted feelings, too tired for you