I'm the result of rape...

[Pyromancer]

I'm the result of a 23 year old gangbanger intimidating a 14 year old girl into sex, impregnating her and then dropping in and out of our lives until he disappeared nearly 9 years ago...I just learned that he's been in jail in
Florida all this time..so yeah, superb gene pool lol...but who gives a fuck...I'm who and what I've made myself. And so are you. He definitely has shaped my life...as an example of what not to be.

I'm sad for your mom because it sounds like that on a deep level, she still holds onto a sense of shame. She loves you man...it's herself that she has issues with. Easier said than done, but try to be strong for her as well as for yourself.

[Butterfingers]

I can't help but to wonder about the details of this rape. In my family my mother told me that she had been raped and that I had a half sister out there, later I was informed that my mom was on a date and got pregnant,
that she had been seeing the guy for some time.

I tell you this because in many instances it's not a stranger lurking in the bushes, it's a date where people drank too much, maybe the girl changes her mind at the last second, but it's a far cry from the creep rapist.
I have heard so many "stories" over the years that I could write a book.

Your mom was mad, maybe it was a creep, maybe a boyfriend who didn't understand no. Maybe your mom wished she had said no.

In any scenario, it has nothing to do with you. Your mother had no right to say this to you, you have no obligation to hear only one side of the story from someone who was angry, I think what hurts you the most is that you know that she wanted to hurt you.

My advise would be to not take this verbatim, as a stranger rape case. Forgive your mom for your own sake and move on.

[Pyromancer]

[MENTION=21775]Butterfingers[/MENTION] I don't fucking believe what you just said. Being on a date means the perpetrator is "...a far cry from the creep rapist.." --- So yeah, if it's "... a date where people drank too much, maybe the girl changes her mind at the last second..." then WTF, it's no big deal...by all means, blame the victim...

I'm too angry to be very lucid. I don't give a fuck if people are dating or even married...drunk, indecisive, bitchy or just a garden variety cock tease...NO MEANS NO! NO EXCEPTIONS, NO EXCUSES...JUST PLAIN NO!!

[Butterfingers]

[MENTION=21775]Butterfingers[/MENTION] I don't fucking believe what you just said. Being on a date means the perpetrator is "...a far cry from the creep rapist.." --- So yeah, if it's "... a date where people drank too much, maybe the girl changes her mind at the last second..." then WTF, it's no big deal...by all means, blame the victim...

I'm too angry to be very lucid. I don't give a fuck if people are dating or even married...drunk, indecisive, bitchy or just a garden variety cock tease...NO MEANS NO! NO EXCEPTIONS, NO EXCUSES...JUST PLAIN NO!!

No one said no does not mean no. This guy has been put in a place where he has been told his father was a sexual predator. My point was to show that we weren't there, he is hearing one side of a story that was meant to hurt him.
And for the record I do see a difference between a stranger who would roam streets looking for a victim and 2 people on a date who know each other.
Both situations are wrong, I just see one more wrong than the other.

[Hardheaded1]

I was born a bastard, the third of four my mother delivered. The fifth was born in wedlock, but became a bastard. The first four of us never even learned our fathers' names.

In no way minimizing your mother's trauma, there are rapes and there are date rapes. Whether she was raped by a stranger or by an acquaintance, it was still a crime and still terrible. But, as far as dismissing your father as "just a rapist" is as much presumptuous as the romanticized version of him you once conjured. Neither is likely to be a realistic picture. He may have been a young frustrated man with anger issues, bad judgment, whatever. It's not your place to forgive him, but hers, or not.

You're better off not thinking one way or the other about him. The only thing you truly know is that you don't know him. That's it. I made peace with my own void when I was in college. It was too late. It was just too fucking late to have a father. It's too late for you, too. Remember that most people are good. It's true.

Work through this, and then leave it behind you. Ask your mother never to mention it again. It didn't help you. It won't help you. She made a mistake in trying to guilt you into gratitude. Be grateful for the right reasons, because life is worth living, and excellence is worth attaining.

Stand up. Be someone. Love yourself. Love others. Make the world a better place.

[Beaux]

I can't help but to wonder about the details of this rape. In my family my mother told me that she had been raped and that I had a half sister out there, later I was informed that my mom was on a date and got pregnant,
that she had been seeing the guy for some time.

I tell you this because in many instances it's not a stranger lurking in the bushes, it's a date where people drank too much, maybe the girl changes her mind at the last second, but it's a far cry from the creep rapist.
I have heard so many "stories" over the years that I could write a book.

Your mom was mad, maybe it was a creep, maybe a boyfriend who didn't understand no. Maybe your mom wished she had said no.

In any scenario, it has nothing to do with you. Your mother had no right to say this to you, you have no obligation to hear only one side of the story from someone who was angry, I think what hurts you the most is that you know that she wanted to hurt you.

My advise would be to not take this verbatim, as a stranger rape case. Forgive your mom for your own sake and move on.

We don't know each other, Butterfingers (can I call you "Butters"? lol), but you read my mind on this issue. Thank you for the input!
~Beaux

[Darius]

I think HardHeaded1 is most able to understand your situation. Listen to his good words of advice. Maybe he would be willing to speak with you off-forum for further help?

Many children in third world countries and in war torn countries enter the world by violent acts. This is not meant to diminish your reality, but it might help to know you are not alone in what you experience.

Be well.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Since this is 'new' data for you it may take a while, a few months, for you to reconcile this new information in your world view. Why mom decided to drop this bomb on you know needs to be looked at - what was the point? Was she angry/venting/upset when she decided to drop this bomb?

If so she may be already regretting letting this particular cat out of the bag. When she has had the time to cool off you need to have a sit down talk and address her feelings about you and what you represent to her as her child.

I have known a few women who have had children bred out of violence, and nary a one of them regretted choosing life over abortion, coming to love their offspring with all of their heart and soul and finding healing in the gift of life that the experience ultimately gave them.

Mark three months down the road from this time - if by then you still find your self struggling with this information, depressed or something, then I strongly urge you to see a psychologist for counseling and therapy to work through whatever angst you have with that situation.

You and your mother really need a sit down calm talk over this. Understand she has been hiding this from you for your whole life and it was out of anger that she dropped this bomb. I seriously doubt that that is the way she expected you to learn this.

That shame you feel when you look at her, I suspect she feels as much if not more shame and guilt and other feelings when she looks at you.

[MikeW]

..Mark three months down the road from this time - if by then you still find your self struggling with this information, depressed or something, then I strongly urge you to see a psychologist for counseling and therapy to work through whatever angst you have with that situation.

You and your mother really need a sit down calm talk over this. Understand she has been hiding this from you for your whole life and it was out of anger that she dropped this bomb. I seriously doubt that that is the way she expected you to learn this....

I agree... if after 3 months you're still struggling emotionally with this information and your relationship with your mother, it is best to seek professional help. We're happy to be supportive here and that can be helpful but it can't be a substitute for professional counseling when needed.