issue with freindship

[gonads]

Hi guys I am new here. I come to seek advice on an issue with current friendship that has been bothering me recently. In a short time (almost a year) this person has become very dear to me and we have became very close friends. Basically our time spent together is hanging out at bars and drinking alcohol and the whole manhunt and adrenaline when we do. But outside of that we also have fun together and have many things in common.

Now, although I do not have eyes for him, he is very handsome. So at first when we hung out we would call the attention of other guys almost 50/50. He with other freind were the ones who got me out of my rutinary life of school, gym and work. Although he is cute he is quite lacking in the body department (he is slender but pretty average body), and well since I have been training for some time now I guess I call the attention of those looking for more "hunky" or "buff" type of guy.

What has been bothering me the past few months is whenever we go out the he is getting more and more attention than I am. At first it wouldn't even bother me but now its coming to the point I cant even make move on guys because I fear they will just ignore me and go for my friend. I am hating myself for it and its just getting to me. After so much busting my ass in the gym to just get ignored is very frustrating. This is bothering so much I am very demotivated to go to the gym and life in general. I hate feeling like this because he is such a sweetheart with me and a nice guy. But this is affecting me so much I do not even want to go out anymore. The fact we have been hanging out together (sometimes alone and sometimes with company) for so long make it so much harder. I sometimes wonder if id be with other company id have much more success at getting laid and such. But really going out without telling him would be just wrong... I dont know what to do. He is a very good friend who apreciates my freindship and that is certainly hard to find in the gay world.

[MikeW]

... I sometimes wonder if id be with other company id have much more success at getting laid and such. But really going out without telling him would be just wrong... I dont know what to do. He is a very good friend who apreciates my freindship and that is certainly hard to find in the gay world.

So, he's "a very good friend" that you don't feel comfortable confiding in? I don't understand how that is "a very good friend." To me, "a very good friend" would want me to be happy and would do whatever they could to help me be happy. If that meant going out without them, they'd be happy for me to go out on my own.

The only problem I see here is your unwillingness to trust your "very good friend" with your truth.

[Rareboy]

Oh for heaven's sakes.

If you were a real friend, you wouldn't be so jealous.

From what I read, you just want him to be your wing man when you're out hunting for ass. You say that all your time together is spent drinking in bars looking for hook-ups? That isn't how friendship is defined.

Frankly, for his sake, I think it is time that you just go out on your own and take your own chances.

[East]

Gonna be blunt here in an attempt to shake you out of this...

Reading your post told me why they go for him....and not you...

It is your vibe...and his vibe. A body is only part of the equation...attitude is an even bigger part of it. The fact that you have envy/jealousy is a glimpse into your attitude...and people sense this kind of stuff....it is a turn off.

The other thing that is a turn off and something else people can sense even if they can't identify it...the fact that you have rated your friend on his appearance....that is never attractive...

So...take a moment and KICK YOUR OWN ASS. Seriously...be tough with yourself and turn your attitude around now....

You may have a great body...but you need to have a great attitude as well...because you body WILL rebel against you at some point...and all you will have is your attitude.

If you are willing to go to the gym to improve your appearance...take an even greater amount of time and effort to improve your attitude.

In the meantime...just be happy for him.

[Lexington]

Well, a bunch of things you can do here.

* Start sabotaging your friend's moves. Each time your friend appears to be making a successful play, conspire to have him leave for a minute. (Ask him if he'll go get you another drink or something.) Once you're alone with his potential hook-up, quietly and hurriedly explain that your friend is heavily into both bronies and scat play. Worriedly mention that you haven't seen the last guy he took into his basement dungeon three weeks ago, and you wonder if he's OK. Perhaps have some cards printed up with this warning so you can surreptitiously slip them to people.

* Prepare a PowerPoint presntation outlining the basic "pecking order" of the desirability of homosexual men. Use cartoon representations of yourself and your friend as "random examples", and point out how much more desirable Example A is over Example B. Run this presentation every hour at the bar.

* Draw a chart on your shirt comparing your current body measurements and maximum lifts with your friend's, so potential hook-ups can do an easy compare/contrast.

* Start going to the bar with uglier people. Better yet, bring along a guy who is severely handicapped - a blind guy, for instance, or somebody over the age of 28. Make a big show of treating them really well, despite their issues. The bar patrons will see what a kindhearted person you are, and be immediately drawn to you. (ps The blind guy can find his own way home.)

* Look into arranging an "accident" for your friend. Preferably one that involves heavy facial scarring but no permamnent damage. Ideally, this could lead to your friend becoming the handicapped guy you bring to the bar in the suggestion above.

* Accept the fact that having a good body (and a good face) are just tow pieces of the puzzle. Note that some people are drawn to other things besides those two facets. Observe closely when somebody approaches someone else, and see if you can figure out what it is that not only drew that person in but kept him there. Wonder if perhaps you could improve yourself in ways beyond the physical, that would not only draw more people in but keep them there. In addition, realize that going out to bars with a friend isn't a competition. Be happy for your friend who, despite not being as attractive or well-built as you, is still managing to get laid.

...peRsonally, I'd recommend that last option. But that's just me.

Lex

[Pyromancer]

So, he's "a very good friend" that you don't feel comfortable confiding in? I don't understand how that is "a very good friend." To me, "a very good friend" would want me to be happy and would do whatever they could to help me be happy. If that meant going out without them, they'd be happy for me to go out on my own.

The only problem I see here is your unwillingness to trust your "very good friend" with your truth.

I used to go to (straight) clubs with a straight friend who didn't like going alone. Unfortunately, it seemed like I got more attention from the women...NOT because I'm all that, he's waaay better looking...my theory is that since I had no interest in the women, nothing at stake, I could be more at ease in joking and light conversation.

I didn't even think about it until he said something...not angry, but in a rueful sort of way...he phrased it in a way that I felt a little flattered, actually. So now, he and I spend our time
together doing other stuff. Mike is right...talk to him...if he's a real friend, he won't be upset...

[Rareboy]

[MENTION=21778]Lexington[/MENTION]

Brilliant. I love all those options.

[Camfer]

Maybe it will be valuable to develop some more self love and some quiet confidence in yourself. Maybe it's worth taking a break from the hookup scene. You could look at what you really want and who you are today. Then look at who you want to become and how to pursue your goals.

A lot of bodybuilders are compensating for something. Sometimes it's as simple as height and how being short makes them feel inferior. Sometimes it's more complex inner stuff. A gym body doesn't necessarily help in the social arena, as you are discovering now.

Could you go to the club with your friend not to pick up guys but simply to drink and dance and socialize? Could you go to the club on your own when you are more on the prowl? Could you stop assessing your self worth by either your or your friend's successes in hooking up with guys? You might find some insight by changing things up. It seems like some reflection here could prove fruitful.

You titled your thread that you're having an issue with the friendship. But no, that's not the issue. The issues are about how your thoughts and actions are affecting your self worth. Time for some inner work, that's what really leaps out of your post.

[gonads]

So, he's "a very good friend" that you don't feel comfortable confiding in? I don't understand how that is "a very good friend." To me, "a very good friend" would want me to be happy and would do whatever they could to help me be happy. If that meant going out without them, they'd be happy for me to go out on my own.

The only problem I see here is your unwillingness to trust your "very good friend" with your truth.

Becuase of pride, I will never admit to him the truth. That is my issue.

[gonads]

Oh for heaven's sakes.

If you were a real friend, you wouldn't be so jealous.

From what I read, you just want him to be your wing man when you're out hunting for ass. You say that all your time together is spent drinking in bars looking for hook-ups? That isn't how friendship is defined.

Frankly, for his sake, I think it is time that you just go out on your own and take your own chances.

That is how we met and we have busy lives bro. The only time we get to see each other is weekends at night and alcohol is a must. Its not about manhunt, its about the adrenaline of meeting poeple and such, cuz we rarely do finish up having sex or whatnot.