MikeW Wrote:Jeebitz...
Well, what can anyone say except, fuck, that's just SO unacceptable. So, they didn't even discuss this with you, they just did it because they could?
Okkk..... so what is their plan to pay BACK this money and how quickly?
By "owed it to them" does that mean they're not intending to pay it back?
I can certainly understand your feeling at your ropes end.
I have been through this type of shit with my parents since I was a teenager (though they never straight-up stole from me before); all my life my family has used guilt to demand things from me. I was an only child until I was 14 and they adopted my little sister.
I always loved my sister, regardless, despite the fact that my parents treated her as though she was their only child and I was an embarrassment.
When I graduated highschool at 17, my parents told me they had done all they could for me and said I had a week to get out. My sister, on the other hand, 30 years old now and has never left home--my parents support her, her husband, and her toddler son.
My parents told me that if I wanted to go to college I had to pay for it, so I worked nights and weekends to pay for school so I could learn to support my self. My parents payed for my sister's college and all her expenses while she went (of course, after she graduated, she decided that she didn't want to work because "I can't just sit and work all day. I don't like it." and she quit her job after 3 months, moved home and never worked, again.
My dad has this "belief" you see, he claims it is supported "Biblcally", that after a man's son leaves home, he isn't supposed to recive *any* help from his family, and he always said that a daughter is supposed to be taken care of until she marries.....lot course that changed after her first divorce and it went OIT THE WINDOW when she got pregnant. My parents have been DREAMING of being grand parents.
As sick as it is, all of it left me wanting desperately to make my parents proud of me, and to be magnanimous. So every Christmas, birthday, whatever I have bought them extravagant gifts, given them money, I paid for BOTH of my sister's weddings....
Today I realized something though, I will NEVER BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR THEM. They will NEVER recognize me as anything other than Less-Than. That comment about my having a child being a 'Pipe-Dream" was the last thing I guess I needed to *finaly* hear, and I am still reeling.
Fuck Them,
~Beaux
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Beaux...I read this earlier and I felt sick to my stomach....saying I am sorry doesn't even begin to express my feelings....
I don't know if you remember me saying this or not...but I divorced both of my parents very publicly...very strongly....
They both had similarities to yours....except in addition to getting their approval...I had to "fix" my psychopathic mother (yes...psychopaths do reproduce and have children)..no one ever has to convince me that monsters are real....
My therapist shocked me one day when she asked me what I would do if my mother or father held out their arms and said "I love you" and wanted me to hug them. I felt my skin start to crawl and I was so disgusted by the mental image and I was also a little mad because I had told her I didn't want to complain about my parents...but apparently she saw something in me ...hence the question. When I told her I was sick even thinking about it and it made my skin crawl...she then asked me if I didn't really want their approval...why did I spend so much time and energy trying to get it??????
I was stunned.......but it opened a door and I had to face the truth that not only didn't I like them...I didn't love them either. I couldn't stand them...they were like a cancer inside of me on every level...so I set myself free and disowned them....
You wouldn't believe all the shit I got for that..the guilt....the "but they are your parents"...and "I know you don't mean that"...arrrrgggghhhhhhhhh...and the best one..."Someday you are gonna regret it"...
Well...never happened. I never regretted it ...the only regret was I wish I had done it sooner... and instead I think it was the best thing I ever did. For all the people who just "knew what was best for me"...I invited them to hang out with a toxic psychopath and let me know how it goes....
As it is...when the bitch died...I had to experience all of the symptoms with her and I didn't even know she was sick....it was frightening...I think she wanted to drag me to hell with her.
My advice to you is in the experience I shared above. I think you should wash your hands of them.
...and in the process...talk to a lawyer...and put a lien on their house. Seriously...they violated your trust on a such a deep level....don't let them get away with it. Stand up to them and don't even listen to their guilt crap. Let the lawyer talk to them...and change your number...
I am so sorry you had this happen to you Beaux....it makes me sick to my stomach...but you can overcome it ...and you can even overcome them. ((()))
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Beaux Wrote:Today I realized something though, I will NEVER BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR THEM. They will NEVER recognize me as anything other than Less-Than. That comment about my having a child being a 'Pipe-Dream" was the last thing I guess I needed to *finaly* hear, and I am still reeling.
Fuck Them,
~Beaux Yeah, I hear that and I don't blame you for feeling that way. WAY more than enough to be *beyond* angry about. There's no going back from something like this. Not without a huge change on their parts and I don't see that forthcoming at all.
And, whether or not it has anything to do with being "good enough," It's clear you've tried to get them to love and respect you and they don't. They may tell you and themselves that they do but they're lying. Their words and actions prove it. Just like the day my dad used me for target practice with his 22 rifle, two things became clear to me: 1) he is insane and 2) he, and by extension my whole family (my mom and two older sisters let him get away with it), can not be trusted.
It is truly a shock to realize that these people -- people who are *supposed to be* the closest, most 'there for you' people on earth -- don't even SEE you, really. What they see is some image they have of you in their heads that has little to nothing to do with who you actually are. You're right, there's nothing you CAN do to change that.
One time when I was about your age my dad sent me a letter just RAGGING on me about something I'd done that he didn't like. Wasn't the first time he'd indicated, sometimes word for word, that I was THE biggest disappointment of his life. I wrote back and told him flat out that I regarded his opinion as abusive -- just like every other form of emotional abuse he subjected me to growing up -- and that I would no longer tolerate it in any form. He wrote back asking why I wanted to "hurt" him and I replied, "No... that's not the question. The question you should be asking yourself is why do YOU feel hurt when I stop your abuse?" No one had ever spoken to him like that and he didn't know what to make of it. It wasn't until he was literally on his deathbed that he apologized for all the shit he'd put me through.
I'm just saying, i can relate to what you're going through in my own way. It sucks. And its a game changer, that's for damn sure.
.
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You got it backwards when you said, "...Today I realized something though, I will NEVER BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR THEM...." ... truth is, they've never been good enough for you and they never will. I didn't exactly hit the lottery in the parents department, but what I experience was more indifference than malice...I wish I knew something to say. but all I can come up with, once again, is 
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Beaux Wrote:I have been through this type of shit with my parents since I was a teenager (though they never straight-up stole from me before); all my life my family has used guilt to demand things from me. I was an only child until I was 14 and they adopted my little sister.
I always loved my sister, regardless, despite the fact that my parents treated her as though she was their only child and I was an embarrassment.
When I graduated highschool at 17, my parents told me they had done all they could for me and said I had a week to get out. My sister, on the other hand, 30 years old now and has never left home--my parents support her, her husband, and her toddler son.
My parents told me that if I wanted to go to college I had to pay for it, so I worked nights and weekends to pay for school so I could learn to support my self. My parents payed for my sister's college and all her expenses while she went (of course, after she graduated, she decided that she didn't want to work because "I can't just sit and work all day. I don't like it." and she quit her job after 3 months, moved home and never worked, again.
My dad has this "belief" you see, he claims it is supported "Biblcally", that after a man's son leaves home, he isn't supposed to recive *any* help from his family, and he always said that a daughter is supposed to be taken care of until she marries.....lot course that changed after her first divorce and it went OIT THE WINDOW when she got pregnant. My parents have been DREAMING of being grand parents.
As sick as it is, all of it left me wanting desperately to make my parents proud of me, and to be magnanimous. So every Christmas, birthday, whatever I have bought them extravagant gifts, given them money, I paid for BOTH of my sister's weddings....
Today I realized something though, I will NEVER BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR THEM. They will NEVER recognize me as anything other than Less-Than. That comment about my having a child being a 'Pipe-Dream" was the last thing I guess I needed to *finaly* hear, and I am still reeling.
Fuck Them,
~Beaux
Curious... how much of you wanting children is trying to please your parents by giving them grandchildren ?
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as the saying goes - "you can choose your friends but not your family" hopefully Camfer has given you a way out of this situation mate - its a shame everything is piling up on you at the moment...you must feel the weight of the world on your shoulders right now
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I'm pretty new to this forum and don't know everyone all that well yet, but this story has really stirred up some strong emotions from me. I cannot believe what your parents have done to you. I also cannot believe the way your parents have treated you compared to your sister, covered up half-heartedly by these supposed beliefs! No child should be treated like that, it made me feel angry just reading that. Don't give up [MENTION=13210]Beaux[/MENTION], get onto your lawyer, take back what is rightfully yours, and in your words, "Fuck them". They don't deserve a moment more of your time. Of course, that realisation is bound to hurt like mad, but stay strong, you can do this 
Si x
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I guess, in essence, I was correct about there being a longer story involving your parents and trustworthiness. As [MENTION=18508]East[/MENTION] (and others) hit on, no matter how our parents treat us, there's part of us that still desires that approval. My guess is your parents tossed some crumbs your way when you did things like pay for your sister's weddings - just enough to keep you wanting more.
You mentioned "I'll never be good enough", and someone else said that "THEY'LL never be good enough". It honestly has nothing to do with "good enough". It just sounds like they kept you within the peripheries of their lives because it suited their needs. But I think you're viewing them correctly now. They're users. They're totally fine accepting your cash, but aren't much interested in you otherwise. So I'd say it's time to close up the First National Bank of Beaux, and simply start eliminating them from your life.
IANAL, and can't guide you as far as how to get the power of attorney back, or whether a lawyer and/or lawsuit can get your money back. If so, and you're determined to get it, by all means, do so. But I think the overreaching plan for you should be to simply ease these people out of your life, permanently. Not just "don't give them any more money", but "don't interact with them at all". They don't seem to be adding anything positive to your life, so better no family than an emotionally and financially draining one.
Best to you.
Lex
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I'm new to the group but I can relate. I can also tell you what I know you already know. It can get much much much worse. My life has been a long hard ride that most cant believe but one thing I know is never ever give up on yourself or your dreams. If your dream is to have a child and it is meant to be it will happen. We cant choose our parents but we can learn from them and choose not to associate with them. I'm not saying its the right thing for you to do but just like myself you have to do what makes you happy and block out those that try to bring you down. Im here if you ever need to talk. I know the lonely feeling of not having anyone that understands or cares.
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My sibs and are facing the possibility that something like this has occurred within our extended family (again... by the same party). It was not our parents and we're trying if anything to shield them from whatever fallout there is, but they are quietly helping us do what needs to be done. We realized--again--how lucky we are to have each other and the parents that we do, and this story just serves as a reminder of same for me.
I'm heartbroken for you [MENTION=13210]Beaux[/MENTION] not just because of the money but because of the circumstances that this is bringing to light. Unfortunately, I think the time has come to remove emotion from the equation and take the steps to protect yourself and your future, as others have suggested.
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How much worse can things get...?
