there are so many songs about hetero love... I wish that music reflected the fact that a lot of guys fall in love with other guys.
I met a guy in a, what do we call it, casual encounter.
we wound up clicking, big time. he came over to my place several times and we started hanging out... the sex was, well, epic.
we would also talk for hours, a lot of times, debating. come to find out, we shared the same birthday. what are the odds of that.
the Kentucky Derby is coming up next weekend which is the anniversary of when we met 3 years ago.. there are a lot of things that seperate us... for one thing, I had a relationship in the past where I was with a guy who lived with his mom into his 40s and I was always second fiddle to her. she regarded me as a threat to that and did everything in her power to sabotage us. the funny thing is, it worked. he lives with her to this day and he's 43... mama gets what mama wants when mama doesn't have a man in her life.
this guy also lives with his mom, who is insanely jealous of anyone he might get serious with. she doesn't have a man... well, come to think of it, I guess she does.
we talk on the phone almost every night. for like, an hour or an hour and a half. for a guy to really get into my heart, even though the sex was... well, spectacular. he challenges me intellectually, he is the bomb. when he started to tell me he loved me, and tell his family, his mom to what I can see became alarmed. I do drink, so does he, but she started to tell him I was nothing but a drunk and he could do better.
it's hard to articulate how and why you fall in love with someone, intellectually and sexually at the same time. he challenges me, he's an intellectual terror when he wants to be, but, the apron strings still haven't been cut.
any thoughts?
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Fought for him if need be
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How old is he?
Why is he still living with his mother?
It's hard to answer you without knowing those things...
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If you love him for whom he is, then love him for whom he is.
At that age, you're unlikely to change him. If you want him, make friends with the devil that is his mother and share him with her.
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04-29-2015, 01:20 PM
(Edited 04-29-2015, 01:26 PM by meridannight.)
sounds like a keeper. that's great you've found someone like that.
when his mom told him about you being a drunk -- how did he react to that?
i wish i had some good advice to give on the mom thing. other than the common-sense, tread carefully. manipulative people tend to have an effect on certain personalities, and not on others. a lot of guys see things very clearly and can see through it, mom or not, and with them you shouldn't have anything to worry about. some other guys though...they fall for it, i don't know how it's possible but they do, and that's a tricky situation to be involved in. i don't know where he falls on this spectrum, a lot would depend on that.
''Do I look civilized to you?''
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I steer clear of momma's boys. I had a manipulative momma that I washed my hands of so no way will I ever put up with another one....
Everyone is different though and has different dealbreakers. I guess you have to decide what you can and cannot accept as you move forward....
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I wouldn't put yourself between the two. If you try to make him choose between you, I can guarantee which one he'll pick. But I think if you pursue this relationship, it has a potential for being something worthwhile. 
Lex
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If you are fond of this guy, try what you can to make it work. I had to go back and review your posts to find the age of this guy you like and at his age, be realistic going into this. After we reach a certain age, it becomes very difficult finding companionship. When I say this, I am not talking about this guy. I am talking about her. At a minimum, she has to be in her 60's. It is unlikely, although not impossible, she is going to find another man in her life and so she will try to hold onto her son. Unfortunately for him, she could very well prevent him from finding someone as long as she is still here and by the time she is gone, he may be her age or older.
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thanks guys for taking the time to respond.
as far as why he still lives with his mom, he is 43, it is easy for him to do so. he doesn't have to pay normal rent or utilities, he gives her $200 a month which compared to having his own apartment is cheap.
she is very manipulative, whenever he would come over to my place to spend the night, there was the inevitable phone call that required his presence back home.
she is divorced and 71. I would think she would want him to be happy and settle down with someone. to me it seems selfish of her to keep him around to mow the lawn, take care of the house, etc. etc. she has enough money to hire someone to do all these things.
he's never held his own apartment, he's never really had to grow up and worry about security deposits, utility bills, the things one has to do at some point to be an adult.
my thinking is that when she does pass, the house he lives in will be sold (he has siblings) and he will be totally unprepared to do the things one has to do to function as an adult. that's what pisses me off at her, not only that she uses guilt and manipulation to keep him apart from forming a relationship, but she's never really given him the life skills he's going to need to survive on his own. by that time he will more than likely be in his 50s.
as strongly as I am in love with him, I hate saying this, but I guess we'll just have to be friends. I've cried more than once over him. Love like that doesn't grow on trees; I've met very few guys that stimulate me intellecually, sexually, the way that he does. Damn.
The worst part of it is, for me, I've thought before of waiting until his mom passes and he becomes single. That's ghoulish and I feel ashamed for having that thought having crossed my mind. I guess I should just wish that they'll be very happy together in every sense except the carnal. They vacation together for a week every year.
It also frustrates me that he doesn't see the slightest thing weird about any of this.
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Iceblink Wrote:If you are fond of this guy, try what you can to make it work. I had to go back and review your posts to find the age of this guy you like and at his age, be realistic going into this. After we reach a certain age, it becomes very difficult finding companionship. When I say this, I am not talking about this guy. I am talking about her. At a minimum, she has to be in her 60's. It is unlikely, although not impossible, she is going to find another man in her life and so she will try to hold onto her son. Unfortunately for him, she could very well prevent him from finding someone as long as she is still here and by the time she is gone, he may be her age or older.
I guess I really do not know the age of the guy you are seeing now. The other thread I looked at was about the previous guy you have also mentioned here, not the current guy. It is very confusing as you seem to be having the same type of issues with this man as the previous. Sometimes being attracted to the same type of personality brings about the same type of problems.
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