What exactly is this?

[Dattiv]

So, recently I have begun to be more adventurous in exploring sexuality and be bolder in reaching out to people, I'm finding establishing a connection very difficult and ambiguous.

A guy reached out to me privately in an internet chatroom, that after reading my profile, he's really attracted to me and would like to chat more. After chatting and exchanging some pics we both find each other to be interesting and agreed to carry the conversation offline. And the conversation went well, but since it was late we decided to talk later.

However, after a few days I reached out to him again it was like a completely new situation. He still claims that he's interested in talking but kept giving me excuses, it's either: too busy, computer somehow malfunctions...etc. Sometimes when we're in the chat room where I know he knows I'm there he would never initiate the contact. I would contact him a few times but the conversations always go a little bit like: "Oh you're here too? I hadn't noticed. Of course I would love to chat more, but...(excuses xyz)"

So has anyone been in this situation before? Should I continue to reach out? I just don't know what's going on here. Maybe I was reading too much into the first conversation we had. I feel like a total perv kept being the one initiating the conversations.

[MikeW]

... I feel like a total perv kept being the one initiating the conversations.

Yeah, this is one of THE biggest complaints guys who use electronic media to connect with other guys have. In a sense it is "too easy." There are TONS of guys all looking for whatever they're looking for... and they can very easily be hot one minute and cold the next. Of course they don't COP to that (own it), rather they keep stringing you along (ya just never know how desperate you might be for a hook-up some night, don't cha know?).

Anyway, no, you're not being a perv but, yeah, if he isn't putting as much into getting together with you as you are then he's lost his primary interest, which was probably purely sexual to begin with. Don't feel bad, had you actually hooked up (sex), he'd probably be doing the same thing... so, its not like you could have made this work out differently.

Welcome to the forum from across the Bay in Berkeley!

[Dattiv]

Thanks Mike, and hello from across the bay. I always find your advice to be incredibly helpful. This one is no exception.

I guess you're right, even if something did happen he'll probably be cold the next moment. Or the more likely outcome is like you say, probably we'll keep carrying on conversations but nothing will ever happen. I doubt any hookup (even cyber sex, which was all I was expecting) is going to happen. It's just weird that he was the one who started the whole thing but in hindsight, I think he's probably carrying out similar conversations with multiple people in the chat room. What a fool I was to fall for it. Oh well.

[MikeW]

... in hindsight, I think he's probably carrying out similar conversations with multiple people in the chat room. What a fool I was to fall for it. Oh well.

Your hindsight is very likely right... like I say, social media has made guys a little TOO available in a certain sense (and even LESS available in another sense). But don't beat yourself up about this for heaven's sake! It's just another GDLE, ya know?

Better luck in the future!

[Dattiv]

Please forgive my ignorance, what does GDLE stand for? Thanks for the kind words.

[East]

I am not at all versed in meeting a potential date on the internet...I prefer the "in person" style of meeting men...but I am pretty sure that for whatever reason he just wasn't into you after you talked....

It doesn't mean that there is anything "wrong" with you...and I wouldn't even worry about what it might have been because it probably is more about who he is than who you are anyway....

...and just because you are fellow Bay Area Guy...uh...it is so easy to meet men in person where we live. I think it would be a much better way to go about it. Nothing beats looking in someone's eyes and just enjoying meeting someone ...even if it is only conversation you get out of it....

[MikeW]

Please forgive my ignorance, what does GDLE stand for? Thanks for the kind words.

LOL, another God Damned Learning Experience.

[Pyromancer]

Please forgive my ignorance, what does GDLE stand for? Thanks for the kind words.

HA!! [MENTION=20947]MikeW[/MENTION] - I'm not the only one going batshit trying to figure out your internet slang - Thanks, [MENTION=22722]Dattiv[/MENTION] !!

[yousir]

Yeah, welcome to gay social media. Its predominantly really hot, then really cold. It can be disappointing, frustrating, even a little soul damaging. If youre the kind of person to take it personally and think "is there something wrong with me". Ive been through it. There really is nothing wrong with you/me. We are probably just hoping for something actually to come of something. A lot of people are just after instant pick ups, followed by drops.
[MENTION=20947]MikeW[/MENTION] said it perfectly:
"social media has made guys a little TOO available in a certain sense (and even LESS available in another sense)."

We are all now so available to each other, spoiled for choice, too much temptation, too easy, want it now, want it yesterday, got it, didnt want it after all, drop it, could be something better around the corner, didnt get it, moved on, try to get away from each other. Ignore, reject, lead on.

[Lexington]

It helps to remember a simple fact - it takes two to make these things work. So even if you're interested, if he's not, nothing will happen. So if you find yourself in any position where you seem to be getting more excuses than answers, you can just leave it with a "Would love to chat more when you're free - hit me up when you have time." Then, just leave it. If he DOES end up with time and DOES want to pursue this, he will. If he doesn't, he won't, but you won't be sitting around waiting for the (metaphorical) phone to ring.

Lex