Maybe this should be Anonymous....

[Beaux]

Hi Y'all,
Well...as you know, I have been going through a lot of frustration with my husband, but on the "upside" he has been diagnoised with thyroid cancer and Grave's Disease...SO...at least now I know why he has seemed to be losing his mind.

He goes into the hospital next weekend for surgery to remove his thyroid and everything will be back to normal. They said he will need 2-6 weeks to re-coop at home.

Now, this should be good news, and don't get me wrong--it IS good news, but I have discovered something about myself that I am a little ashamed to admit...I almost posted anonymously... I like Powerful Men. There, I said it-- I find weak men unattractive, I am only sexually attracted to self-confident, capable, Powerful Men.

Don't get me wrong. I don't NEED anything from them. In fact, financial success isn't necessarily a prerequisite for a man to be deemed "Powerful", although many of them have been finically secure. I have dated Doctors and Lawyers, Poloticians, at least one member of every branch of the Armed Forces....various Artists, Actors, Band Mates...

I have ALWAYS known that whiners leave a bad taste in my mouth, and I have NEVER found desperation attractive--At All! I have never understood the men who follow me out of grocery stores to tell me how "handsome" they think I am. Does that actually work for them?!? It must to some degree or another, because there are a hell of a lot of guys who try it--particularly older men. When I was younger I would encourage them, let them buy me gifts and laugh to my friends about it; sometimes in front of them. I always made it crystal clear that I wasn't attracted to them and would never get with them but they still jumped through hoops trying to get my attention. I won't deny that I showed questionable moral judgement in my youth--I was a Grade A Bitch.

ANYWAY, after everything that has transpired with my husband these past few months, I have begun to see him in a different light and I don't think him being home convalescing for 2-6 weeks is going to help any.

My own recovery, from my hip problems, under my new doctor has been Amazing, and I am much more mobile and capable than I have been in years. Last week I met with a resturant owner and have decided to go back to work. I am ordering a catering truck from China and am re-opening my business, so that could also account for some of my change of perspective.

Please don't misundrstand, I am not talking about leaving my husband, and I have never felt the need to cheat in my life, but...I feel like this change of opinion regarding my husband is something I cannot help. I feel like I am being forced to make all the decisions, to be the only "adult" in our relatinship. I have to make the decisions and shoulder the responsibility for those decisions if they don't turn out as planned, and in the midst of it all it just seems too much. I find myself feeling sorry for him, and that just isn't sexy... Does any of this make sense..? Or am is still just an awful person at heart...? Either way, that's how I feel; Judge me as you will. I just had to get it off my chest.

~Beaux

[Darius]

Hasn't he always been there for you? Hasn't he supported you through you illness and weakness? I suggest you forget about your feelings and do right by him. After a few weeks of recovery he should be back to the man you have always known, right?
This is a test of your character. If you don't want to be that person you were as a youth, you need to prove you are a better person today.

[Beaux]

Hasn't he always been there for you? Hasn't he supported you through you illness and weakness? I suggest you forget about your feelings and do right by him. After a few weeks of recovery he should be back to the man you have always known, right?
This is a test of your character. If you don't want to be that person you were as a youth, you need to prove you are a better person today.

I apprciate your perspective and input, but, as stated in my post, I have every intention of staying with him for exactly the reasons you stated. Unfortunately, that does nothing about how I feel inside...
~Beaux

[Darius]

That is why I said forget about your feelings. This time where he is not your strong man is temporary. Let it pass.

[meridannight]

Please don't misundrstand, I am not talking about leaving my husband, and I have never felt the need to cheat in my life, but...I feel like this change of opinion regarding my husband is something I cannot help. I feel like I am being forced to make all the decisions, to be the only "adult" in our relatinship. I have to make the decisions and shoulder the responsibility for those decisions if they don't turn out as planned, and in the midst of it all it just seems too much. I find myself feeling sorry for him, and that just isn't sexy... Does any of this make sense..? Or am is still just an awful person at heart...? Either way, that's how I feel; Judge me as you will. I just had to get it off my chest.

Beaux,
i can't say i am attracted to powerful men, like you, that's not the case with me. but i have experienced situations where a guy does something (shows his weaker side or something) that makes him look in an unappealing light to me. it is true that the initial gut reaction is a negative one, the initial reaction is to turn away from him. but that's just what it is -- a reaction. and -- the crucial point here -- if it happens with a guy i love and care about i suck it up and push through it.

i know human nature to know that every man has his weaker side, every man has his breaking point. and it won't always look good on the outside.

maybe you've never let yourself experience that ''weaker side'', but i have. and it is not, in fact, weak or baser, or less attractive. it is a human thing, and it can be very attractive if you see it in the right light. what you're experiencing right now, is a reaction your body produces due to past experiences and expectation. if you push through it, you might find it is not a bad thing the way you think it is. you just have to stop struggling against it and let it go.

the interpersonal dynamics have their ups and downs, your own feelings will have ups and downs. you find an attractive man, you hook up with him, move in with him, and then you think you're settled for good? you should know better, Beaux.

if you want a brutally honest opinion, this is a teenager-reaction on your end. i'm not saying you're doing anything wrong; you too, are a human being, and you go through your own emotions. but you have to be able to make a distinction when your emotional reaction has solid ground, and when it's just a fleeting insubstantial mood and you'll just have to let it run its course.

and i think it is the latter case here. unless you think he has been play-acting a persona you've been attracted to all this time?

[East]

((((Beaux))))...the thing I love in a guy is honesty...and you have that all sewn up. You are fearlessly honest...and brave to share this...no need to be anonymous....

We all have parts of ourselves we don't like a whole lot....or that shock us when we look into the mirror on the inside. I think about that movie ...The Neverending Story...a lot...and there is one scene in particular where he has to face the mirror that shows him who he truly is...and the legend is most men crumble and turn to dust because they can't face looking at their true selves. Such is true in life. The only way past the mirror is to be able to face who you really are.

I decided long ago that I would own my dark side because whatever it is inside yourself that you don't own...it can and will own you...

So....I think it is great that you know this about yourself...and are brave enough to share it with the world....

I don't think I want to share it with the world...some ugly stuff I have goin' on...but if you ever want some company...PM me and I will give you a glimpse :biggrin:

So...sorry...not gonna judge you...I prefer to respect you....

PS...I am so happy that you are improving in your health ...and I am happy that he got the diagnosis and is going to get the treatment he needs. I hope this will end the mood swings and scary behavior ((()))

[Bowyn Aerrow]

The good news is that he ain't dying soon..... Or am I reading that the wrong way there with all of that other stuff you tossed on top?

Powerful men don't always remain powerful. A lot of them have something happen which knocks them down a peg or twenty, and they, like every other human in the world need real time to bounce back. Sure some, or many do not get all the way back to what ever the earlier "optimal line" was. But that is a product of getting older and older and older.

Frankly you have only been dealing with his incredibly selfish weakness here for a short period of time. AND you know there is a temporary, medical cause for that.

Once he gets that thyroid pulled, and goes through a bout of chemo or something else, he won't be the man he is now.

Now I'm not going to be all cheery and optimistic and say he will be a better man, or much more improved - but then I'm a realist and realistically speaking with these two ailments he most likely will never be the man he was before - nor will he be the man he is currently.

[LJay]

A lot to deal with Beaux. In a way, I envy you for knowing what you like. I have never been taht good at defining it. I do agree that whiners can be a pain. There are a lot of people who need to learn that things just are the way they are.

Thyroid stuff can be quite a challenge. After your friend's surgery and recovery, he will probably take synthetic hormones and they can be tricky to regulate. That will take a lot of patience all around. Your increased mobility will certainly help you to deal with stress. Good luck man. Keep us posted on how things are going.

[Pyromancer]

I've never thought of it in terms of the word power...but I'm attracted to men with authority, men who are strong, capable and decisive. My partner works in law enforcement and is very much that way...so I'm trying to put myself in your situation and I'm feeling...uneasy...it's not like I'd think less of him, or cheat...or leave him...but there's this part of me that I keep hidden (even from myself usually) going OMGOMGOMG...

As for posting anonymously, why the hell should you? If I'm reading you correctly, you're not asking for advice...you're just venting. I'm sitting here thinking of all the ugly things I keep buried...like the fact that even though I love Kev and would never intentionally do anything to hurt him or disrespect him. monogamy is very, very hard for me. But anything else would be a deal breaker for him, so I've made my choice because I know that nothing I find elsewhere would be worth losing him.

So I totally get where you're at with this...AND that you're not going to act on it...and that sometimes we just need to acknowledge and own our feelings, whether they're "socially acceptable" or not...

[JohnSomebody]

I also not going to judge you because I do feel you are entitled to your feelings and like you've mentioned in your post...you are not going to leave him. However...I think I can relate to your frustration of taking care or being there for someone who is suffering from unfortunate health issues and throughout the years...you have been used to being in the company of strong willed men. Unfortunately...this is a part of life...and I believe in my opinion that you are showing a great side of strength by being there for your partner during this time...and I am pretty sure that he is very appreciative of the fact of you being there. I know a lot of guys that would have strayed or left their partner in such a situation and not feel any regret...therefore, I do commend you on that. This is the reason I am not passing judgment on you due to the fact that this is a situation with past guys in your life that you have not been exposed to and therefore...this a totally different experience for you...but hang in there....things will get better for you...JS