How to act when around annoying homophobe?

[Lexington]

If you're not legitimately afraid of him, you can always turn his moves back on him. When he follows you into the bathroom, just yell loudly "NO, I WON'T LET YOU TOUCH ME FOR A DOLLAR!" When he sits down next to you and asks you about "gay stuff", respond loudly "Sorry - I'm not interested in telling you all about how gay sex works." If he tries to look at your computer or phone, say "No, I'm not giving you my phone number/facebook profile." A few responses like this should immediately make it clear that he'd be best off not associating with you.

Of course, if you ARE legitimately afraid of him, I'll second the call to simply find another job.

Lex

[Pyromancer]

If you don't mind taking the low road, and if your a fairly physically fit, I would just knock him the f*** out and tell him to back off, but if you insist on being mature and rational, than i would go to any trust worthy authority figure about it and have them do something about it. But...if they really don't take complaints seriously there, there's always the low road

Lol I tried that once...it's why I have a (hopefully sealed) juvenile record...but damn, it felt good
at the time (just learn from my mistakes...make sure no one's looking lol...)

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't say I'm afraid of him but he's definitely stronger than I am judging by his muscles. It's really hard to have such person around.

[meridannight]

I've never spoken to him and never will, I ignore him and pretend there is no such person around me. However sometimes it's really hard to do. I cannot really avoid him so how to stand someone so nasty around you?

he needs his face punched in. with some guys there is no better way to drive the point home to them. he has picked you out as an easy target, and as long as you stay that way he'll keep doing what he does. you need to establish your own authority in this situation (if you have that). there's no other way around it, unless you're willing to put up with his shit on an ongoing basis in the long term.

a lot of it has to do with the way you let other people treat you. you have to set some boundaries with people and not let them cross certain lines.

[Lexington]

I don't think he (necessarily) has to have his face kicked in. I just think he just needs to be stood up to. That's why I suggested responding the way I did. It gets the same point across - "Sorry - not going to let you get away with this shit anymore" - without having to be the instigator. If he DOES become physical, of course, feel free to use any and all means at your disposal.

Lex

[LJay]

There is no reason your employer should tolerate this. Part time or not, it is still a job.

Keep a notebook/diary.

For starters, give a signed and dated copy of what you wrote above to your employer. If there is no action, make a copy and send it to the governmental agency responsible for dealing with workplace discrimination and harassment. Just write a brief cover letter that says you have given the report to your employer on x date and have had no reply, then ask for suggestions for further action. Send a copy of the whole thing to the employer.

Consider getting another job and notify your present employer in writing that you are giving x notice and the reason that you are going to another job is the other employee's actions. Send a copy of all of this to the agency above.

It is all very time consuming and yet very polite, but I think you will find it worth the trouble.

Just remember. Write it ALL down.

[Iceblink]

I agree with LJay's advice. document and report it. Even if you leave, report it. A dangerous workplace environment has been created and it needs to be dealt with. I said this before here, but I need to reiterate it. Once reported, your workplace is on notice and if anything happens to you or anyone else in the future, your employer then shares blame and responsibility, not just the jerk.

Something I really I have to disagree with here is the advice to take physical action against him. As much as I'd like to see a homophobic jerk like get his ass kicked, for you it could have horrible consequences. I am not sure where you are or even if you are in the U.S., but if the police are called, in many states and cities the cops do not have a choice about taking action, even if the victim does not want to press charges, when it is a suspected crime of violence. This even the policy of some police agencies even when the state or town does not have that law. Not only would you lose this job, there would be a very good chance you would lose your other job. A conviction would also be on your record and many employers do a criminal background check. A crime of violence would be a hindrance to your employability, but this would not just be a bar fight, this would be violence in the workplace and that would be an even bigger obstacle. I guess you could try to explain the circumstances, but most that would see this on your record would not even give you that chance. They just wouldn't hire you. Do not handle this with any type of violence.

[meridannight]

PS. i didn't mean the stupid type of violence that gets you in trouble more than you were before. use your brains. but if you don't understand what i'm talking about, then it's true you shouldn't do it.

[matty7]

Sounds like he has gay feeling that hes suppressing and is taking it out on you for been openly gay...something he must believe he cannot be, I bet hes bigger than you as well....bullys always are....
Complain to the boss that hes thretening you and if it continues then tell the boss your considering a ploice complaint just to make the lazy sod get off his arse and do something about this thug.......

Or just tell his girfriend hes been hitting on you :-D

[Bhp91126]

No doubt, you're dealing with a bully here and the sooner you get out of this situation the better. The others have given you already plenty of advice about reporting his behavior or looking for a new job.

Another way to deal with this is to be in company of others while you are at work. If you have any friends at the job, try to sit with them, maybe that will stop him.

If you think his threats of violence are not serious, but just a sick joke, you could also start to create a 'scene' next time he tries to harass you. Start yelling loudly, that he is not your type, you don't want to be his boyfriend, you wouldn't touch him with a 10 feet pole or some such thing. Repeat if necessary until he finds another victim.