Okay, okay, I know this is a bad idea but...

[Anonymous]

Hey , fellow gayspeakers!

I actually haven't been on for awhile but I need someone to play devil's advocate here because the feeling of loneliness and being horny is certainly starting to get to me. ( Pretty bad combo of emotions....or need? Is horny a emotion?) Also, I'm just looking to vent, so get ready for a long essay.

I've been considering one night stands lately, and I don't really mean it in a bad way. I think it's great that some people can have no strings attached and keep things purely physical. However, I know that deep down, that isn't me...or atleast I hope not.

I've came out for almost 3 years now, but in total I've probably went on two dates? Which both ended pretty...dull and bad. And dammit when I say the world makes one night stands so much more convenient for me. I'm bad at dating...or well, I can hardly get any actual dates for multiple reasons.

1. I'm not exactly the cutest guy around

2. When I date someone, I try to look for long-term. Like ea. Can I build a life with this guy? Though I guess it's kinda stupid since I'm still rather young (19) , but I can't help it if I rather invest on something long term.

3rd. Okay, this is actually my fault, and I drunkenly admit this. My standards are reasonably high, esp since I'm the best looking guy around. No, I'm not looking for the next Hugh Jackman or James Corden but I can't help that I want someone that I'm atleast slightly attracted to and also I'm only attracted to a type of masculine guys ( Which creates pretty awkward moments when I go on a first date and the guy ends up being totally feminine) I'm not saying being feminine is bad, it's just not my thing.

Okay, on to the actual problem now that I give you my little origin story( Okay, it's not much of an origin story but you can tell why NSA conflicts with my...values?)\

NSA man. Theres alot of reason why I don't want to, but then again the world makes it so much for tempting. I mean I get offers from decently looking guys, guys I prob wouldn't date due to the age gap , but definitely guys that I wouldn't mind hopping in the hay with if there's no strings attached. I mean they prob don't really care how I look and just looking for another lay but you know, NSA!

Okay, Im a little confused while writing this as well( If you're still with me) , but it's like something I would do...but at the same time something I wouldn't do. Like, 'I would tap this guy if there weren't no strings attached, but at the same time, i don't do 'no strings attached' And there's multiple reasons why I don't want to do NSA. ( Yay, another number list!)

1.I'm a virgin. I've never kissed another person before. And I know, i know, as a society, we put too much value on these things, but it's something that bothers me. I don't really wanna say " Well, your grandpa's first kiss was a hookup on growlr!" Or just look back on my life and regret that it wasn't something that 'meant' something.

2.In Batman's Voice "But if I do that, if I allow myself to go down into that place, I'll never come back."

Okay, that was a little over-dramatic, but like I said. NSA is so easy, what if once I go down that road, I just give up? I just stop looking for dates? I just stop trying? Like if I can find sex so easily, why bother keep looking and get your heart broken?

3.I'm a little paranoid about STDs...esp for someone who never had sex.

Okay, to be honest, I'm not looking for any answers but I just need to write it down. It helps to write down what's going through your head, what my fears are, what I'm bad at, what I'm good at, and everything. I understand, I really do. My loneliness wouldn't be fulfilled by another guy or just sex, but it doesn't make me feel any less lonely.

I was always the class clown, and while I know that physically I'm not the best looking guy around, I do have confidence in my personality. Now, I know this might come acrosss abit prideful but I think I'm a pretty likeable guy. I was always able to charm people to like me ( Okay, even I flinched abit while writing that). However, this whole dating thing is just...bad.

It's crushing my self-esteem, and while I'm charming, my self-esteem isn't exactly made of steel...or any physical material. and...well, now I'm just ranting. but it sucks. It totally sucks. I don't know what I should do. Should I just keep checking my dating profile and hope someone messages me? Or should I just YOLO? Should I just fly to some exotic place and find my inner chi and go on a spirit journey and then write a book about it? ( Just kidding, I can't afford that.) Oh well, guess I just gotta wait and see what happens...again.

[East]

I read the whole thing and my advice is simple...

Make a few mistakes....maybe a lot of mistakes.....

You need to get out of your own way....and making mistakes is a great way to do just that. You have too many rules....and this will not serve you well. Break some of them...break all of them. You can always get new rules...better rules...smarter rules....

You don't want to be on your deathbed and realize you never really lived.

[Anonymous]

Breaking rules is kinda hard. I mean rules are there to protect us ( In most cases).

What did Doctor Who say?

"Good men don't need rules". Sure it's applied in a different situation but I think it still counts.

I get what you mean though. Stop worrying so much and just live a little. However that isn't like me. I mean even looking at relationships, I like to look for long-term. I'm the type of person that understands there's consequences to everything I may or may not do. Which can sometimes be annoying, especially in times like these.

A teacher that I looked up to once told me this, "Buddy, you're smart. Just don't lose grip on reality." And maybe he meant it in a different way, but to me , it was saying, 'make sure you know the actions that you do can change your life.'

Besides, I'm really not looking forward to changing my life's theme song from "I wanna dance with somebody" to " Stay with Me" by Sam Smith

[East]

Well...you certainly don't have to take my advice. I put it on the table just in case.

Thing is...I have what you say you are looking for...and I didn't get it by calling it a "value"...or by being "pure"...neither did any of the other long term male/male couples I know...and I know a lot of them.

[MikeW]

...
I get what you mean though. Stop worrying so much and just live a little. However that isn't like me. ...

All the more reason to take the advice offered seriously. For pity's sake you're only 19 years old and, according to your own account, haven't even been kissed yet. What do you know about what is or isn't "like" you?

[Anonymous]

Well...you certainly don't have to take my advice. I put it on the table just in case.

Thing is...I have what you say you are looking for...and I didn't get it by calling it a "value"...or by being "pure"...neither did any of the other long term male/male couples I know...and I know a lot of them.

The only thing that I mentioned about being pure is me never having any experience before. And I really didn't mean it in a superior way, I'm sorry if it came across that way?

And to be honest, I don't know why i called it value either. There's a reason why I put the question mark behind it, because the fact is, I don't know what I'm saying.

and by the way, I really do appreciate your advice, I'm sorry if I came across rude or anything. It was just me trying to process it.

[East]

^^^No worries...I didn't think you were rude ....

I am on a mission though...sorta...to stop young gay men from thinking they have a vagina that they have to protect.....

Too many young gay men now sound like teenage virgin girls in the 1950s.....

It isn't entirely their fault though...AIDS did it's job well...

Now...it is my turn to apologize in advance in case I have come across as too rude. There are probably a thousand nicer ways to say what I said...but I am kinda lazy tonight...

[Anonymous]

All the more reason to take the advice offered seriously. For pity's sake you're only 19 years old and, according to your own account, haven't even been kissed yet. What do you know about what is or isn't "like" you?

Okay, so what you're saying is , because I'm nineteen, I don't get to know what kind of person I am and what I value? or the rules I set for myself?

I'm sure the advice was good intentions, however I can't help to be slightly offended that you think just because someone is young, they don't know what they want in their lives. Yes, we tend to be overly idealistic, but it doesn't mean what we believe in are any less permanent.

[Anonymous]

Too many young gay men now sound like teenage virgin girls in the 1950s.....

It isn't entirely their fault though...AIDS did it's job well...

Let's not forget to mention parenteral and cultural influences as well. They play a huge part on how someone sees relationships.

[Rareboy]

So in point 1, you say you're not the cutest guy around and in point three you say that you are the best looking guy around.

Just how drunk were you when you decided to share with us?

The first thing you need to do is sort out your issues with self-esteem and start putting some real effort in what you have to work with.

And then, for fuck's sake.... just get out there and get laid. By anyone. And get fucked often. It isn't like you have a finite reserve of fucks. And as for the first time? Yeah. Wouldn't it be great it it was with the man of your dreams. Well sweetheart. You could be dead before that happens. And it is more likely that you'll meet the man of your dreams if you are active. If you get an STD...then take the anti-biotics. But stop hiding.