am i a bad person?

[Anonymous]

there is one bad trait about myself and i feel bad about it.

its that i feel very jealous when i hear about someone who had his first sex or is in a relationship.

it makes me feel upset that i still have not had my first sex experience and also be in a relationship with a guy.

but it is not that i want others to suffer because they have what i don't. i just have deep desire to experience sex and relationship just like others.

yup, it is not ethical to have jealousy. and i loathe myself for feeling like that. but i can't help it.

i will just control myself in the end and wish sincerely that at least the others are happy.

do you think i'm a very evil person? feeling jealous for such things?

[Rareboy]

You're not evil but you are jealous. And that is probably the most dangerous and toxic character trait to have.

So slap yourself and snap the fuck out of it.

You are the only person stopping yourself from having a sexual experience. No one else is, unless you are being forcibly confined in isolation.

If you put as much energy into getting out there and having some sexual experiences and connecting with guys as you do in feeling jealous and sorry for yourself...you probably would get laid before I can even finish typing this sentence.

Get going.

[Pyromancer]

I agree with [MENTION=21495]Rareboy[/MENTION]...jealousy is destructive and corrosive...if you don't deal with it now, it will sabotage you when you do find a relationship.

I briefly dated a guy who was jealous to the extreme...he said I should be flattered...instead, I foundit stressful and really off-putting. I got so sick of being accused of sleeping with all these guys that I wanted to just go do it...unfortunately (or maybe fortunately) none of them wanted to have sex with me, so I spared myself that particular tantrum lol...

What might be more useful would be for you to post more about your life, your situation...maybe people here could help you figure out why you don't seem to be getting what you want.

[Anocxu]

Having sex does not make or complete you as a person.
Sex does not make you "whole".

There is no badge of honor for getting ..."boinked".

You are simply obsessing about a craving, entertaining an idea.
I waited till I was almost 25 .. didn't feel particularly special or angelic after...But in truth that's just me.

[JohnSomebody]

I had an ex-friend who was just like you...and although I was happy when he got involved into a new relationship and supported him ...however...He did not do the same for me. Needless to say...the friendship became very toxic and had to end and for it to end was the best thing that happened in my life. Ultimately...you need to focus on finding your own happiness and stop with the jealousy...its unnecessary.

[matty7]

there's nothing evil about you at all - your a human being wanting a relationship like others you see around you, and you don't take these thoughts out on others by mean and spiteful either which shows your not jealous of the actual person in an evil way

[Butterfingers]

When it no longer bothers you that you have these feelings, then you can worry. As has been said, you are human, we all struggle with feelings like these from time to time, maybe it's sex or a new car.
I have known people who felt "entitled" to be jealous, as though no one should have something that they didn't have, they felt no remorse over their contempt of their fellow man, that is dangerous territory.

[kjames]

It's not evil that you are jealous but it is certainly unattractive. You might want to think about what you are putting out into the universe. If this is the vibe that resonates within you then you are pushing away opportunities to possible relationships.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

there is one bad trait about myself and i feel bad about it.

its that i feel very jealous when i hear about someone who had his first sex or is in a relationship.

it makes me feel upset that i still have not had my first sex experience and also be in a relationship with a guy.

but it is not that i want others to suffer because they have what i don't. i just have deep desire to experience sex and relationship just like others.

yup, it is not ethical to have jealousy. and i loathe myself for feeling like that. but i can't help it.

i will just control myself in the end and wish sincerely that at least the others are happy.

do you think i'm a very evil person? feeling jealous for such things?

Depends on the real reason why you are jealous.

There are certain aspects of sex that I'm jealous of others for - even envious and in a loathsome, unhealthy way. But - we have to understand that I clinically lost my virginity around 6 years of age - and that was only the first time I was held down and raped - painfully and violently. It happened a hella lot more than that - so much my mind kinda broke and there are a few years of my childhood I cannot recall.

So there is a little bit of left over trauma I have to work through, which means I have a very good reason to feel what I do about other people who got what I didn't and have sexual experiences I can never have.

Now before I owned my ancient history, before I stopped trying to run from it, avoid it, ignore it, lie about it, hide from it, etc. etc. etc. I felt all ugly and bad and evil about my feeling X because of what others were having that I cannot have.

But now that I faced (in part, and through a mirror darkly) some of the underlying base cause of why I feel these 'bad' things - I can understand that my feelings are not that unreasonable or irrational, and are valid feelings. Sure

Now I'm not saying you were abused or anything that horrific - but surely something else is in play here, some experience or another which has set the stage for what you feel when you see/hear of others having something you do not have.

YOU need to figure out what the corner stone of your jealousy really is, and then you can decide if what you are feeling is reasonable given the full circumstances.

I personally question myself on if I am a good person or an evil person because: Reasons that would break your heart if I told you. I'm constantly thinking and feeling things which are mean, cruel, bitter, jaded, jealous, untrusting, unkind, etc. etc. etc. yada yada yada.....

However, I also follow up with the guilt and remorse and the doubt that I am a good person.

Every therapist, priest, witch or other type of person who appears to have some understanding of 'good and evil' tell me the following:

Bad people - I'm talking really bad - not people who think they are bad - Bad people are the ones who do terrible things and not so nice things and then never question their doing it. To them there is no guilt, no remorse, no doubts about what they feel, say, do etc.

Those of us who do feel 'negative' stuff about others and then feel guilty about it are actually good people. That question "Am I a bad person?" means you are a good person, you feel remorse, guilt, and other things which regardless of the jealousy and other feelings you might feel when X happens - you are still able to feel enough humanity to question yourself.

Yes humans are prone to things like selfishness, jealousy, greed, anger, lust, and lots of other unlikeable behaviors. However the good in us trumps the bad when we feel remorse, or question our 'bad' tendencies.

[Lexington]

I don't mind people who choose not to (for whatever reason) but those aren't usually people who feel jealous when others go out and have sex. So assuming that's not you, why haven't you had sex yet?

Lex